To not make DD speak to her dad?

[QueenB14]

DD is 3. Her dad is meant to have regular overnight contact but sometimes dips in and out with no explanation.

He hasn't seen her or spoken to her now for a month. I don't know why, I haven't spoken to him either. I used to chase him a lot when he disappeared but this time I just can't be bothered. I have occasionally asked DD if she wants to facetime him but she says no so I don't force it.

Aibu to just leave it? Or should I phone him? It just feels like she's not too bothered about seeing him and sadly the feeling is mutual. I just know I'll get the blame for this when he eventually gets in touch

Just leave it.

Be very mindful that you don’t end up the facilitator for his and her relationship. Even though it hard and I’ve been there, you will end up taking the brunt of the emotional stress when it’s not going smoothly.

Don’t push it but make your dd very secure in yours and her relationship as it will be this one that carries her through.

I read a book called raising girls when I was a SP and it’s well worth a read. Also shitty weak absent dads play havoc with a young girls self esteem and who they can go on to choose for a partner later on in life.

Safe guard her from that.

I could have written your post.

My DD is nearly 4, her dad is full of promises to see her regularly, but she doesn't know who he is and he hasnt told her (such a long period of time went by with him out of the picture through his own doing that she doesnt remember her "dad") and I've made it clear that he can tell her but he has to deal with the consequences of her being aware of who he is and how little he bothers.

He hasn't told her, she thinks he's one of mummys "friends" we bump into occasionally.

I don’t think it’s your job to chase him up so he can be a good parent. For your child’s sake just keep things amicable for the any future contact, when kids get older they seem to become more bothered about situations like this. As your child gets older if he lets her down they’ll soon form their own opinion.

Thanks all...i will leave it. Its just so frustrating!

I wouldn’t chase him unless she was asking for it.

She's really not..I've asked today if she wanted to speak to him ( she brought him up in conversation) and she said no so I didn't push it.

The fact she's not really bothered is sad in itself really, but I'm glad as it would be horrible if she was always asking for him and he isn't making the effort.