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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask other single mums if that feeling of everything being effing hard work ever ends?

1 reply

PinotMwah · 25/04/2018 23:37

Unashamed pity party -- sorry, bad week. I'll get over it. But also a genuine question.

I'm generally far, far happier being a single mum than I was married to a man who was abusive, lazy, drunk and controlling and generally made me unhappy. Wouldn't go back to it if I was paid. In fact I paid to get out of it.

But by God sometimes I'm so sick of having to be responsible for every last thing. Having to be mum and dad and everyone else. Having to pay for everything and organise everything and do a 60 hour week, mega stressful job on top of it. And getting no thanks from anyone, ever. I do have good friends and some support but my ex does minimal childcare and pays zero maintenance. I try to count my blessings and normally I can see the silver lining.

I have people I can vent to in real ilfe but I spend nine hours a day in an office full of people who on paper are my friends but in whom I actually can't really confide. I can't go out with them most of the time and I feel totally cut off from them as a result. Its the kind of environment where you're not encouraged to show your weakness at the best of times and don't feel I can talk to anyone about the acute stress and the constant treadmill of demands on me and its making me feel increasingly cut off and shut down.

I've made my bed and I have to lie in it. But I just wonder if others have been through this and come out the other side? Is there ever anything more to life than work, childcare and sleep? And do you ever get to the point where you can talk about it without being afraid of letting your guard down?

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 25/04/2018 23:43

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I'm sure you're right that it's better than a bad relationship though!

I've always been a single mum so I don't have anything to compare it to but, to be honest, yes, I think there is so much more to life than work, childcare and sleep. I have never done only those things, it would drive me crazy.

For me, the key was that, actually, my life does not and will not revolve around my children. They will be living with me for approx 18-20 years of their lives. They have the rest of their lives to do what they want and put themselves first if they want to. So I'm not going to do that for them by default while they live with me. We're a family and we all have equal priority. Sometimes that means they come first but sometimes it means that I do too!

I also found that routine and the need to be at home and in bed every evening was not the way forward for us. My babies never had a routine and therefore they never needed one - we just go with the flow and it's relaxed and happy.

Good luck; it will get better!

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