About my housemate and his girlfriend

[lastqueenofscotland]

I’m sure I am and I feel a bit of a bitch she is really lovely, but she is literally always round.
A) his room is next to mine I can hear everything if you catch my drift. Not great if i want to get to sleep.
B) if she’s round (which is 5 nights a week) he will want to make her fancy dinner, this will literally involve him using 3 rings of the hob and the oven every single time and all the surfaces and the kitchen table for prep, then not tidying as they go along.
I don’t know if I can say anything about this but I’ve had a really bloody long day just wanted to pop a frozen pizza in the oven and there’s no bloody room because of the nightly elaborate feast and I’m fed up of it.

If its a new relationship I'm sure both those issues will reduce soon! They'll hopefully settle and be watching films and eating pizza soon rather than all the early stages of trying to impress!

Bubble it’s at least 2 months now. Not long term by any means but surely this must be starting to wane a bit...

I feel your pain OP. I’m guessing you didn’t sign up to live with a couple? It ends up tuning the household dynamic.

I wish there was a solution but generally there isn’t. You can ask him if they can stay at hers half the time, but then there’s the chance he will take the huff!

If you can’t put up with it (and I couldn’t!) then perhaps start looking for somewhere else as soon as you can.

Tuning? Ruining!

No no no. Set ground rules 2-3 nights maximum. You get to cook first. This happened to my daughter. Her best friend virtually moved her new boyfriend in. The flat wasn't big enough. She eventually moved out.

PS and as a matter of principal, why should she stay there for free while you foot the bills? Not really fair is it?

No I definitely didn’t sign up to live with a couple! It really does make the dynamic weird.
She is really really lovely but I’m a miserable git, and just want to make my pizza in peace without having to work around the MasterChef kitchen

You really need to have “the chat” op! It will be awkward but you can’t go on feeling uncomfy in your own home. If it doesn’t go well then 1 if you will need to look for somewhere else.

I understand this guys experiencing the joys of new love but it’s not really fair to inflict it on your housemates. Any more that 3 nights a week is taking the piss!

You can try to talk to him and just be honest, that you really like her and she's very lovely but that you would like there to be some nights when you're not fighting to make yourself something to eat and get a decent night's sleep.

My flatmate did this, it ended up in a huge row when I was late for work 2 days in a row because she was showering for 40 minutes! There need to be some boundaries and respect for flatmates. Plus the bills thing is also an issue. How come they never stay at her place, do you know?

Hang in there!

what the dynamic of the rental.. both shared or is one of you the owner etc ?

I think I’ll need to mention it nicely...
Gemini there’s 3 of us sharing a house, the other housemate is away at the moment so I don’t have a buffer. I’d not mind but I’m so sick of the kitchen being taken all the time. And also being left in a fucking tip all the time.

You have my sympathies, I'm currently living in a similar situation and it's annoying AF.

Leon I’m glad you agree.
I honk it’s grinding my gears more as I know housemate 3 feels the same but he’s been away so has dodged it.

It's not a good feeling having to constantly put your own needs aside in a place you're supposed to live as equals. It's like you're at the bottom of the pecking order.

absolutely... they're acting like you're invading their home.. tell them to GTF... and cook elsewhere some evenings.. it's your home too

They need to sod off and rent together elsewhere. It’s bang out of order. Wait til other guy is back and have gentle chat.

It sounds like she's effectively living there during the week - is that right? Suggest that she pays the equivalent rent for the 5 days a week that she's living there....bet that sorts it out!

You need a rota, I think. Decide which days each of you have priority over the kitchen.

I have just literally insisted they was up before going to bed (who the fuck manages to use THREE pans and two baking trays to make omelette and fucking chips).
I think I’d mind it less if they weren’t such bloody scruffs with the kitchen. Housemate 3 is a real germ-phobe and ends up doing their washing which pisses me right off too.

I will have to have a chat with them nicely before the straw that breaks the camels back lands!

NB I would probably be more reasonable about it if the love of my life hadn’t left me last month but my tolerance for their pawing over each other is utterly rock bottom

YANBU. He is.

Tell him that lovely as GF is, you don’t want her as a flat mate. Nothing personal, but the facilities aren’t sufficient for an extra person. You are struggling to get near the kitchen as it is. Two to three nights a week in each of their homes is plenty. Any more and they need to be looking for a place of their own.

Also I would be hiding quite a lot of the pots and pans...

The kitchen stuff would really piss me off. Incredibly selfish behaviour. I would be tempted to pile all the plates and trays up outside the bedroom door if they continue to make a huge mess after you have spoken to them (after hiding certain bits so I could make my own!).
Five nights a week at yours is just too much. Can they not go to hers or go out?!

Can you and housemate 3 move into a 2 bedder together?

I have been in this situation, and did the cowardly thing of moving out, citing I was in “need of a change”. I knew that if I had words with the bloke, it’d change the dynamic and the girlfriend would be slagging me off etc, so it was better for me to move out and not confront that particular situation. The washing up was never done, always mess and overflowing bins, unflushed loos, noise etc, and I am a ridiculously clean, quiet, grumpy sod!

Soon after I moved out, they split up!