in thinking that all of DH's family should help with the responsibility of his aging father?

[marieg76]

According to DH's sister, DH should be the only one who drives for 3 hours to pick up my FIL. What is apparently completely acceptable to her is that DH drives to pick up FIL on Friday night, gets him ready for his grand-daughters wedding, sees to him that night and then drives him back on the Sunday. So that's 1000 miles in a weekend. DH asked why SIL's son or daughters couldn't drive him back (they are all in their mid 20's with newer cars than us!). Apparently, they all have to go to work on Monday morning so it's not good for them. Ummm, DH and I go to work on Monday morning too?

I am just so bloody peeved that she see's my wonderful DH as a second class citizen and unworthy of any rest or consideration.

can't she drive?

of course she will be paying for half of the petrol.....?

She can't drive but her husband can as can all three of her mid-20's children. My DH takes his dad back and forth all the bloody time and he's just had enough. He's put his foot down (pardon the driving pun) and I'm so proud of him for doing so. I just can't see how she can reasonably think that it's okay to expect my DH to do this whilst her children sit in their cotton wool padded ivory flipping towers!!!

Is your FIL very elderly needing care? Are the younger family members unable to look after him really? Why can't your SIL and husband go and get him?

What a shame for your poor FIL

elderly people are a lot to put on mid-20s children

I have done a lot of elderly people in my time, believe me

I assume it is her daughter's wedding and that's why the father of the bride can't pick up fil?

fair enough, he might be helping get stuff ready for wedding etc. But surely your bil can take him back? I mean he's not necessary on the wedding night is he?

if she's really taking the piss your dh should say no to the return trip.

Does she live near your fil normally? does she help out at all?

Hi All,

We are definitely picking him up - volunteered to in fact. We are not asking that the mid-20's kids look after him (but goodness, I'm only 31 myself and I cope!) but to simply drive him back. That's it.

Yes, it is her daughters wedding so we would never expect that daughter to drive him back - no way! We pick the dad up on the friday night after work, drive him up to us on Saturday morning, help to get him ready for the wedding ( he can dress himself, go to bathroom himself etc but he's just a little slow moving and needs a little reassuring every now and again). We'll then take him to the church, take him to the reception, ensure that he's settled at the hotel on the Saturday night where we are all staying. All we ask is that someone else takes him back to his home on the Sunday. That's it!

Are they all going to be rat-arsed? Maybe not planning to be fit to drive!

they should drive him back

but don't necessarily think it's the grandchildren's responsibility

there's every reason for your sil to want to protect her children from her responsibilities

but that's exactly it they are her responsibilities and not her children's

your bil should do it

and the daft bint should learn to drive

I have the same prob, only daughter and brothers seem to think its OK for me to do all for Father, yes i do live closest about 20 miles away compared to their hundreds, but I have him here nearly every weekend which means that I go get him when I finish work on a Friday night, and take him back on a Sunday, by the time on a Saturday I have taken him either to the synagogue (15 miles away) or his brothers (10 miles away) there is not much left of Saturday, I get 1 weekend to myself a month! One brother lives a hour away but never even picks up the phone, one lives in London and although phones regualarly only comes down 2every few months, the other two live in the north of UK and come down once a year!!!!
I haven't got great health as well, and Look after DGD during the week !!! sorry rant over.

Shoshable - poor you. I am frustrated by my own situation and that of DH but I sympathise with your own too.

SIL, her family and DH and I all live in the same town. FIL lives 3 hours away so no one really has the higher ground to take with regard to not wanting to collect him due to distance....

We have driven him back and forth for 10 years and put him and his dog up for each of those visits (Easter, Summer, Christmas etc). We do it all and get nothing in return. I really feel bad for FIL as it's not his fault but he feels guilty for the ructions going on up here due to the lack of shared responsibility.