Is 9pm too late for a casual chat phone call?

[Peacefulmama]

What times of day are acceptable for non urgent phone calls when the caller just wants a casual chat? My own thoughts are a call for a chat is fine from around 8am -8pm... unless its urgent or something bad has happened. I have in-laws (not elderly) with rather lax boundaries who call at 7.15am or 9.30pm just for a chat, often to repeat their thoughts about stuff we have already recently discussed. AIBU to be slightly miffed by this and to think its not ok? Husband thinks its fine and that I'm being upright.

This is a tricky one. I predict responses will be 50/50.

Some will love that their mil calls for a chat at 9pm others (me included) would be horrified at someone interrupting their quiet time after making dinner and getting the baby to sleep

Anytime to 2300 here, but I am a night owl.

anytime before i go to bed - i have international family so i get calls all hours of the day. Husband will take calls till he goes to bed at midnight.

I our household that wouldn’t be okay, but then I wouldn’t be picking up the phone because at 7.15am we would have left the house an hour ago, and at 9.30pm we’d be in bed due to the hours DH and I work. Family and most friends know what hours we keep, and when it’s not convenient to talk; they generally keep to this.

TBH, we usually communicate via WhatsApp and or Text Message during the week unless a dire emergency requiring a phone call, long rambling phone calls tend to be a weekend only thing!

Depends.

I wouldn’t like it but I guess it depends whether your DH still participates in getting kids ready to leave or it falls down to you while he’s chatting away.

Both mine and DH’s families are abroad as are many friends so we’re pretty flexible- usually anything up to 11pm.

I would be ok with 9.30 p.m but anything before 10 a.m is too early just for a chat.

Personally I think it's a bit odd/rude to call before 9am or after 8pm. It's either interrupting someone's morning routine, or their down time before bed.

But I'm not someone who just rings people to chat except my dad, and we speak maybe once every few weeks or month or so despite being very close. We just randomly call one another but I don't know anyone else who'd just ring out of the blue for a chat without checking it's okay first.

If the phone went at 7.15 a.m I would assume something was wrong as we've never had anyone phone at that time unless it was something serious/urgent.

Unless it is the urgent - the kids I am happy to chat till 8.30pm. Close family know I am usually in bed by 9.15/9.30pm

9pm is a perfect time I think. If you're putting dcs to bed, that won't be finished until 8ish. So before then is impossible. 8.30-9.30pm is exactly when I would free and inclined to chat.

After 10pm I would consider too late to call someone.

Depends - I have a couple of friends for whom it would be no problem, but with others, 9pm would be my latest.

In the mornings I'd avoid calling people for a chat before about 09:30, because most people are busy getting things sorted and running to school and work (as am I.) But again, it depends - if you know someone's routine, you have a better idea what suits them.

I don't phone people much. Last weekend, I called my cousins for a long chat. It was about the first time in a fortnight that we were both in at the same time and free to just chat

Unless it’s Work day I don’t like phone calls before 10am as I’m just not up for chatting and I hate being woken up but 10pm is probably my cut off

10am but I'm not a morning person up till about 8pm, guess I'm not an evening person either.

Whereas your 8am - 8pm is exactly when I'm getting dc ready for school, working, doing post-school evening routine. So completely unavailable for a chat!

I think it depends on the family. If you feel it is too late, then I think it’s fine to ask them to call a little earlier.

I’m usually in bed by 9pm

For calls to/from people I don't know well, so organising things to do with charities/church/volunteering activities I'm involved with/school PTA etc. I would say 8am to 9pm. (Perhaps 7.30am if it's school stuff which needs dealing with on that day.)

For casual friend/family chat I think you should know your audience. I would ring my DP's up to 10.30 pm (may be 10.45), but I wouldnt ring MIL after 9pm.

Equally I would quite happily accept calls from friends up to midnight, because I'm usually awake.

I wouldn't ring DP's or MIL before 9.30 am, and I won't answer anything before 7am (8.30am on weekends) but I might ring Dsis at 6am if I knew she was working shifts that day.

Yes. 7pm-9pm is crazy time to phone me, because it's kids bedtime.
9-11pm I'm free and ready for a chat.

DM always rings at 10pm.

According to Curb Your Enthusiasm, the "cut-off" is 10pm, there's a (brilliant) episode about this

Text me anytime & ask if I'm available to talk.

Seems to work for my mates!!

If you don't think it's reasonable to call at that time, then it's not reasonable to call at that time. It's really an individual choice. Have you told them that you'd prefer if they called you before 9 pm or after 8 am? If not, you need to communicate this to them. And if they don't follow that, then just ignore the call.

Yeah, tell them what times they can't call. And if they do call within those times, reject the call. They'll soon get the message.

Well given that most people are at work til 6/7ish, then need to do chores when they get in I think 9pm might be the earliest time, rather than the latest.

When our phone rings after 9 I assume someone is dead.

However it's not really up to me when my husband's parents want to call him, if he doesn't mind.