Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be concerned about my sullen 3 year old?

23 replies

WineDrinkerMe · 24/04/2018 22:44

Just this really. I was wondering if it’s normal or something to be concerned about. It’s hard to explain.

She just seems generally grumpy and unhappy most of the time. I wouldn’t say there has been a sudden change in her personality. She has just gradually become this way recently.

It’s not like she never laughs or smiles. She does. But she’s so quick to shout or get worked up or cross. She’s always fighting for control.

She has never been one for running around mad, shes always quite subdued. Enjoys the park and the soft play but only at her own pace. Will socialise with other kids but again only on her terms.

She goes to nursery three days per week and she’s happy going in. She tells me that she loves nursery. She sometime talks about her friends but whenever I see her there she seems to wander around by herself rather than playing with other kids. We were at a nursery party at the weekend and while she enjoyed herself she kept herself to herself and didn’t really engage with any other kids. Just with me.

The women working in her room say she’s happy and that that’s normal. She is also the youngest in the room just now so I’m trying to bear that in mind. She’s a young three.

She’s very clingy with me just now. But at the same time will shout at me, tell me to go away etc. She just seems very subdued and sullky just now. Like she’s tired and has the weight of the world on her tiny shoulders. She shouldn’t have any worries. She is absolutely doted upon.

Any advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated. I’ve probably missed out some examples but I’ll answer questions

OP posts:
WishingOnABar · 24/04/2018 22:45

She is becoming a threenager. It’s just that age. Good luck Grin

WineDrinkerMe · 24/04/2018 22:48

The other girls in her room don’t seem to be like that though. They seem to run around in packs, shouting and laughing. DD is always on the periphery.

OP posts:
WishingOnABar · 24/04/2018 22:56

hmmm well if she isnt objecting to going to nursery I would agree she is enjoying it as at that age they dont mask feelings very well. Some children do just prefer to be on the periphery.

Perhaps she is struggling to introduce herself, have you suggested ways she can get involved with the others (asking them questions about themselves etc?)
It may be she just doesnt know how to begin with the others.

WineDrinkerMe · 24/04/2018 22:57

She is pretty shy. That is definitely something to think about.

OP posts:
Starbuckssister · 24/04/2018 23:02

Maybe speak to the nursery manager about the things you're concerned about and see if they can put anything in place. My son was a bit slow to socialise and his nursery put in place some turn taking / sharing activities that helped. I would say don't over think it if she's happy though, she may well just be a young 3 and in a few months you'll see things develop. If you have any friends with slightly older children maybe try spending time with them as my son found it easier initially to play with older children who would take the lead and also humour him a bit more than those his own age.

WineDrinkerMe · 24/04/2018 23:29

Yeah I might do. She’s really good at sharing and taking turns. But I am wondering if it is shyness. Maybe the staff could try to help her a little?

OP posts:
WishingOnABar · 24/04/2018 23:57

Is there a particular child she connects with that you could try to set up a playdate with? It may encourage her to open up.
If you dont know the parents you could write a note and ask the nursery to pass it on to their parents

minipie · 24/04/2018 23:58

Any concerns about her hearing?

SealSong · 25/04/2018 00:12

Hearing is definitely worth checking, has she ever had her hearing tested?

Shitterton · 25/04/2018 00:19

Two of my friends have daughters like this. I wouldn't say it's particularly unusual. One won't go to any parties; not even her own! Her mum just shrugs and let's her get on with it. Nothing wrong with her at all; just generally moody. More frustrating for their mums than anything else. X

CruCru · 25/04/2018 00:24

A lot of what you write sounds very normal. My daughter was really hard work at 3 - she had loads of tantrums.

Is she definitely getting enough sleep? I think the NHS website has guidelines on how much is needed at each age. It might be worth putting her to bed a bit earlier if that is a concern.

It might also be worth mentioning that some children / people are quiet and reserved. If your daughter is more introverted, there is nothing wrong with that. There’s a temptation to worry when children don’t act like boisterous extroverts. It may be that your child needs some time on her own a few times a day (I know I do).

Aquamarine1029 · 25/04/2018 01:09

I think it's worth considering that she might be an ambivert. That means she's a cross between an extrovert and an introvert, but because of the degree of these extremes making up her personality, it's hard for her to "regulate" herself. On one hand, she can be very happy to be around other children, noise, etc. But she has her limits. Quite suddenly, her tolerance for stimulation has reached her limit, and she needs quiet and alone time. I think she may take out her frustration on you because you are her "safe" person. No matter her behaviour she instinctively knows you love her no matter what.

You also can't discount how significant her age is in terms of development. A 3 year old is straddling the line between being a baby/toddler and being a child. It's actually a very stressful, confusing time of life! I'm sure your little girl will be just fine!

WineDrinkerMe · 25/04/2018 23:42

Thank you for the responses.

She had her hearing checked at birth with no issues, but not since then. I don’t have any reason to believe there is anything wrong with her hearing but I could get it checked. Do I just take her to the GP for that?

Her sleep isn’t brilliant. We take her to bed at half six and we read her two stories in hope that she’ll be asleep by seven but she will toss and turn and mutter away to herself for ages, sometimes till 9pm. I don’t really know what to do about that. Even if one of us lies with her it doesn’t make a difference. I can make her go to bed but I can’t make her go to sleep.

Once she is asleep that’s usually her for the night but no, overall I don’t think she gets enough sleep.

Maybe she is just quiet and introverted and if that’s the case then that’s fine. I’ll just need to find ways to make her happy and secure. I’m just worried she’s grossly unhappy and I’m missing something I suppose.

OP posts:
ILoveDolly · 25/04/2018 23:52

Sounds like her personality. Not all children are outgoing, and they play differently than we might expect.

WineDrinkerMe · 26/04/2018 00:05

I just want her to be happy. She doesn’t seem happy to me right now.

OP posts:
Saracen · 26/04/2018 00:23

I don't see any reason to connect the two issues (lack of interest in playing with other kids, and general grumpiness). The former, it seems to me, is entirely normal and may be a phase or may just be your dd's personality. If it doesn't make her unhappy I wouldn't worry about it.

I agree with a PP that grumpiness could well be caused by tiredness, and your later post seems to indicate that is very likely. I wish I had the magic answer to that. My older child also had great difficulty falling asleep and we never really found a solution. It slowly got better as she grew older, but it was a long haul. I was the same as a child.

biscuitdunkerette · 26/04/2018 00:39

My DS now 10 has always been like this. For him it’s personality. I highly recommend Nature by Nurture which will help you tune into your kid and help support and works best with the personality

Aquamarine1029 · 26/04/2018 03:25

I highly recommend you try a noise machine for the sleep issue. Soft thunderstorm sounds are excellent.

WineDrinkerMe · 26/04/2018 09:23

That’s a great idea Aquamarine. Funnily enough it was pouring the other night and I told her to listen to the rain and she did go over fairly quickly 🤔

OP posts:
WineDrinkerMe · 26/04/2018 12:06

I think I’m going to invite one of the wee girls in her class over to play one day. Is this a good idea? She does talk about playing with this girl sometimes.

OP posts:
ColonelCakes · 26/04/2018 12:11

My 3 year old has only just stopped falling asleep listening to stories. We had a few old tapes, or played audiobooks on our phone. Does she have blacked out windows? That helps ours too. Try white noise first though!

saoirse31 · 26/04/2018 12:17

Is half six not v early for her bedtime, esp if she's awaKe for next two hours? Would going an hour later enable her to fall asleep quicker?

Does she spend enough time outside ie expending energy?

WineDrinkerMe · 26/04/2018 12:51

The reason we put her to bed at half six is because she always seems exhausted. Especially if she has been at nursery all day. But it might be worth pushing her on another hour and seeing if that makes any difference. We do find however that if she becomes overtired it is near impossible to get her to calm down and go to sleep. That can happen if you “miss the window” as my husband puts it.

She isn’t one for loads of running around. Never had been. But we walk a lot and we do lots of activities. I keep her as busy as I can.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page