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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DS should quit his job?

27 replies

WhatsForTeaaa · 24/04/2018 16:41

DS is 16 and in Year 11. He got a job about 2 months ago in a hotel. He enjoys earning money as he's saving for the future (currently saved £150), but he really doesn't enjoy it and I don't think it's in his best interests to stay there. I'll just list the reasons why to keep this short:

He's working every weekend & holiday day, for 4-5 hours. He is struggling to fit in revision and other things around this.
Some of the people aren't very nice. They get him to do quite a lot because he's new, and are quite offhand.
They take money out of his wages for "breaks", which he doesn't have as he prefers to get the jobs done rather than sit down. They take at least an hour out.
He struggles with anxiety and the night before work he will sit there and stress about it and work himself up.
His nan isn't very well and he gets upset that he isn't seeing her as much.
They're expecting him to work all through exam season and then A levels and won't negotiate.
He's having to sacrifice volunteering/work experience to do shifts.

He says he wants to quit, but wants to save money (we aren't well-off, and he wants to save for the future). He's trying to "put up with it" but I've seen a change in him, and he doesn't seem like himself.

OP posts:

Sonotcivil · 24/04/2018 16:46

Tell him to leave, his education is more important then saving up some money. Tell him that he will be more employable now he has got some experience working, so after GCSE's he can work again.

Only thing is i would expect him to work through A levels and then stop before exam season, what's he going to not work for 2 yars? But quit get GCse's and find a more flexible job is my suggestion.

Original poster

WhatsForTeaaa · 24/04/2018 16:49

Thanks for reply. Will speak to him later.

By "working through A levels" I meant: he'll be at sixth form Tuesday-Friday. They want him in Monday, Saturday, Sunday and some evenings. I think this would be too much for him. Of course I'd expect him to work, but not to the extent they're asking.

OP posts:

FASH84 · 24/04/2018 16:54

If they don't pay for mandatory breaks he should take them, not work through them, but if they're being inflexible about exams quit then get a job after exams. Please don't let him not work until after his education, my first LTP (obviously now an ex) didn't work until he graduated then had a ridiculous attitude to work, he was a junior accountant in a small firm, end of financial year over, they asked him to help cull the files that were no longer needed to be kept, he went crazy with whining -I'm not an administrator etc and darling mummy was very collusive. BTW I've worked since 15, in hospitality until I graduated and got a much better degree than he did and had a great social life and extracurricular activities, the two are not mutually exclusive.

antimatter · 24/04/2018 16:56

he has to have some days off without school or work, or he will burn out

Pimpernell182 · 24/04/2018 16:56

Depends how badly he wants to work. At 16, he's lucky to have any job at all. It is quite normal for flexibility etc to increase as you gain experience and some kind of credit with your superiors. Unpaid breaks are the norm as well I'm afraid. His choice if he wants to work through them (I am a lecturer and it's the same for me). It sounds like he's facing up to the reality that a job is something that happens on someone else's terms and lessens the free time you have available. Harsh but true.

Original poster

WhatsForTeaaa · 24/04/2018 16:59

The breaks aren't mandatory. When he first got the job he was told that no money would be taken out, even if he took some breaks, which is why he's annoyed at them doing it.

He's planning to work through A levels, but not as much as they wanted as it is quite a large amount. He's also wanting to take a gap year after sixth form, during which he's planing to get a full-time job and get some experience etc.

OP posts:

OllyBJolly · 24/04/2018 17:04

I don't understand the breaks thing. If he's only working 4 or 5 hours then what break is he getting? (If he's under 18 then it would be a 30 minute break if the shift was 4.5 hours or longer) I don't see how a hotel can deduct for an hour's break that they are not legally obliged to give.

Everything else sounds just like being an adult. How much studying will he really do on a day off? He's only working 4 or 5 hours so that leaves a lot of free time. He'll have to try to manage his anxiety around work. It's sad his nan is unwell but again, that's something most people have to deal with at some point. Some of the people aren't very nice? He's only been there two months, he's the new start, he has to prove himself. Again, that's about being an adult. Work isn't school.

As an employer, a candidate who has steady work experience will almost always trump better grades in someone who hasn't worked.

19lottie82 · 24/04/2018 17:21

The hours don’t sound horrendous tbh, my DSD has worked in sports direct since she was 16 and easily fits in similar shifts and schoolwork.

If he’s not good at standing up for himself and suffers from anxiety then maybe it will do him some good to stick it out as it will build his self confidence.

TBH your post comes across as you want him to quit more than he does!

I’d at least encourage him to stick it out until A-Levels, if it gets too much then, then of course he should quit, but why worry about that now.

Maybe even stick it out for another 6 months then use the experience to look for something else more suitable?

A solid work history is priceless on a CV and uni applications!

madein1995 · 24/04/2018 17:31

OP quite apart from anything else, he's unhappy working there. It's soul destroying working somewhere you hate. Life is for living, yes he should have a job in a levels but not to the extent it's making him miserable. He sounds very sensible re saving. You should sit him down and tell him gently to quit, and look for another job after gcses. Life is too short to spend it miserable, and he has his whole life to save. His happiness is more important. Leaving a job 2 months in at 16 will not have a serious impact on future employment opportunities. Don't tell him to stick it out. For his health he needs to be happy and have down time

Original poster

WhatsForTeaaa · 24/04/2018 17:32

They're not proper breaks. The girls who have worked there for ages will say "let's go sit down" a fair few times a shift (they are allowed to and no money deducted), but DS carries on working and has money deducted even though he shouldn't have. He worked about 27 hours over Easter and got paid for about 21 ish I think, which isn't fair.

I can see your other points, and fair enough.
He works 7-12, comes home, lunch finished by 1, revises for a couple of hours, tea, homework, shower, bed. So not a lot of time. He's also had to self teach 3 subjects as the teachers haven't been great.
The anxiety and illness I agree that he'll have to manage, but he's struggling as he was away when his grandad died.
The people not being nice isn't about telling him what to do. He follows all instructions - that's not the problem. It's the nasty comments they pass off (mostly 16 year olds working there) that get to him.
They'll also sit their on their phones and get him to hoover.

I can totally see all of your points, and I agree that work isn't school. However I don't think this particular job is right for him. I think it'd be best if he got a different job after his exams, and to carry on through sixth form because he's really not happy with this one.

OP posts:

Original poster

WhatsForTeaaa · 24/04/2018 17:36

lottie, thanks for reply. I get what you're saying, but he's got other (volunteering) stuff organised to help combat anxiety. I don't want him to quit more than he does: every time he comes home he says he wants to quit, but his mates give him a hard time about wanting to and he enjoys saving.

Thanks madein, I will have a chat with him tonight.

OP posts:

QuestionableMouse · 24/04/2018 17:36

He'd be better off at McDonald's. Shifts are flexible, good training, decent wages, probably kids of his own age or not much older and he'll be better treated.

OnTopOfSpaghetti · 24/04/2018 17:42

Don't agree with all the stick it out comments. He sounds miserable. He's only 16, very hard to be resilient when facing unkind comments on a regular basis. I actually think the McDonalds suggestion is a good one, he can work in an environment more suited to his age.

Original poster

WhatsForTeaaa · 24/04/2018 17:45

He did mention considering McDonalds actually; sounds like a good idea.
Thanks for replies.

OP posts:

OnTopOfSpaghetti · 24/04/2018 17:48

You sound like a really caring and supportive mum OP. I'm sure you'll help him work it out.

FASH84 · 24/04/2018 17:53

McDonald's is a great idea, they're always recruiting, it's hard work, he'll get health and hygiene training and there are usually extra shifts available if he wants them in the holidays

madein1995 · 24/04/2018 17:54

Somewhere like Tesco would be good - very flexible, paid very well for their age etc

LineyHasntLeftTheBuilding · 24/04/2018 17:58

He should quit.

He won't get this year back again. It's too important to mess with.

Original poster

WhatsForTeaaa · 24/04/2018 17:59

Thanks FASH. He enjoys hard work, so I think that'd be good for him.

Thanks, will take a look at Tesco with him.

OP posts:

Vangoghsear · 24/04/2018 18:06

Typical advice for sixth formers is to work no more than 8 hours per week to allow time for study. At this stage of Year 11 he should be focusing on GCSEs. My advice would be to give up the job now (immediately) and focus on GCSEs. Then he could look for something else in the summer.

flissfloss65 · 24/04/2018 18:06

He should quit and concentrate on his gcses. After they finish he can apply for a summer job and continue it through sixth form.

Keep an eye out for job vacancies in local shops. They often advertise in their window. My ds got a Saturday job that way helping deliver white goods.

Also, his school advised a max of 10 hours a week paid work to allow time for hobbies and volunteering.

teenagerparent · 24/04/2018 18:08

Another one for quitting until exams are up and then finding something else. McDonalds, KFC, Subway all these sort of places go through staff pretty quickly but if he's willing to work then it will have the hours. My older one worked at McDonalds for a while always extra shifts to pick up

Original poster

WhatsForTeaaa · 24/04/2018 18:16

Thank you everyone for replies, much appreciated. Will take all advice on board.

OP posts:

raspberryrippleicecream · 24/04/2018 18:19

I also think he should leave. I don't think a solid work history is necessary for uni applications as suggested by a PP. My two older DC have had uni offers without it - one DC wasn't working and the other didn't mention it.

I was also going to suggest McDonald's, DS1 works in the uni holidays.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 24/04/2018 18:21

Obviously it's difficult to know if you are over worrying or the situation is actually really terrible. Are you using the passing of his grandparent as a reason for leaving?

Your DS really needs to ask a supervisor or manager about payment and breaks situation - something an adult would have to do.

This is a lesson in growing up and working in an adult world.

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