Family MIL BH weekend dogs

[Hellsbellscockleshells]

MIL and SIL live 2-3 hours away from us. We had MIL stay with us for 7 days at Easter which was hard work as the weather was awful. She also likes to stay up late and get up late and doesn’t really like doing much in between (so it’s hard going for myself and DC early secondary school age one like me likes to get up early).

DH and I barely get a moment to ourselves. She also falls asleep quite a lot in the day and is becoming quite opinionated about not liking certain things on TV that she knows we watch etc etc. The DC are early secondary school age so they are bored and turn to hours and hours on technology to alleviate the boredom then they are grumpy zoned out etc etc. I just feel hemmed in miserable and in need of fresh air and freedom.
DH phoned MIL last night and was told SIL (who has a partner well paid job and no DC) is jetting off on holiday again (it’s about her third holiday since our last one at the end of last summer so I am a bit envious). SIL has asked MIL who lives about 5 minutes walk away from her, to house and dog sit for her big old dog (who isn’t good with other dogs so can’t go to kennels).
The upshot is MIL and SIL thought that if our DC are off school that weekend then we could all go down and visit her (obviously the DC are off school as it’s the weekend and BH). I would really love a weekend away as a family that weekend but DH says we can’t really afford it as DH lost his job last year and took a massive pay cut but I am hoping to go camping for a week or something cheap the next BH (as I am off work if we can afford it). We also have lovely natured medium sized dog who we would have to put in kennels to visit MIL. It won’t be a cheap weekend with kennels, petrol and MIL wont have any food in for 4 extra people so we will have to buy additional food shopping for all of us all for during the day and MIL will want to go out for meals at night (which won’t be cheap). Also we are all tall our kids are early secondary school age and taller than most adults so the 5 of us including MIL wont all fit in our car to go anywhere so we will be tied to the house.
AIBU for wanting to spend the BH weekend with our family and not wanting to be guilt tripped into spending it in this way. I just want to spend it with DH and the DC in a relaxed way and we did spend 7 days around the last BH with MIL? I know their will be a time when MIL can’t be left on her own but that time isn’t here yet. If I don’t go down DH said he will maybe go down with one or both of the DC so I won’t see him all that weekend. I spoke to DS this morning and he doesn’t want to go DD said she will go to keep her dad company (but she will be messaging me and moaning she is bored all weekend as this happened last summer). I think DH is feeling guilty and feeling guilt tripped into going.
DH also has a brother who has a family and they live about an hour away from MIL also they could easily visit her for one day out of the weekend (providing they are not away). MIL also has a lot of other friends and some BIL and SIL’s in the area. WWYD?

No way would I be babysitting a mil in the holidays!!
She will have the ddog for company -

That sounds rubbish. I'd stay at home, let DH go and reassure DD she doesn't have to go to keep him company. Obviously it would be better all round if DH stayed at home but it's up to him. Definately don't put yourself out regarding expenses and kennel fees for you own dog.

I would tell him no bloody chance!!

OP, as long as you allow people to take advantage of you they will. Become less accomodating (Like the rest of DH's family), and you'll find your life becomes so much more pleasant. Just because you married into this family does not mean your just there for to provide your MIL with DGC and to solve all the family niggles.

You be already hosted MIL, you've done your bit. Don't be guilted into going to see her, just think if you did that then there would be no chance of your own family get away next BH. Antipodean is right.

Have a serious conversation with your dh about everything you've written here, and then get him to tell your mil that you already have plans.

I would not be going. I would also explain to DH that we need an enjoyable break as a family this BH weekend as Easter was ruined taken over by MIL. I'd also make it plain that he and DC should be a part of that.

MIL has another DS and friends in the area so can sort herself out. It certainly sounds like she has a knack for it.

Your MIL and SIL don't get to decide how your family spend their weekends. Another vote here for going on your camping trip and doing what you and your children would prefer.

I think it's completely reasonable for you not to go and for you to tell DD she doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to, but I don't think it would be reasonable to try and stop DH going. If it's 2-3 hours, can't he (or indeed all of you) just go for a day, anyway? I don't see why it's the whole weekend or nothing.

I have just reached a time in my life where I can’t be arsed rushing down there when she wags her finger or wasting time arguing about it with DH. DH was also guilt tripped into taking a days annual leave last time MIL visited ours on a day I was in work (I work pt) as he felt sorry for her as he didn’t think she’d had a very good week as the weather was awful and he hadn’t really spent much time with her (he is out the house 12 1/2 13 hours a day with work and commute so we don’t see much of him midweek either).
I’m not getting into an argument about it especially as I had a lovely day out with some old friends I rarely see last weekend.
Thanks I made my position clear last night I am not going down there to sit in some body else’s house who is stupid enough to buy and have an agressive breed of dog as a pet and putting our own dog in kennels for the inconvenience of doing this.
I have told both DC they don’t need to go and I will leave it to DH to
decide what he does and how he wants to spend his bank holiday weekend.

Just say you can't go. If DH is adamant he can go on his own.

No. Just no.

YANBU. I would not go.

As your DC are older it is up to them if they go with DH or not, but I would just enjoy myself with any DC that stay with you and DDog. I bet you £10,000 that DH won't really be so keen to spend a week with MIL without you absorbing all the shit

It's really simple. Just say "no we have plans" and do what you want. If you treat it like a friendly suggestion rather than a royal command it'll be easier to say no.

Apart from all the rest of it - does DH actually want to see his mum?

Yes I would have done that Barbarian Mum which is why she asked DH and he’s in a quandary I think it’s the weekend rather than the week but even so.
DS is 14 so may have some plans of his own. If he does that’s fine and if not he is usually quite good company so
It might actually be quite a nice weekend without DH. Another friend had invited me for a prosecco afternoon tea and I had said I would let her know as I wanted to spend the BH weekend with my family. But on reflection I should maybe take her up on this.

Update I have told DH I really don’t want to go down there for the BH weekend as we have only recently spent 7 days with your mum is it not your BIL’s turn (although they had her for at least 7 days at Christmas but they have a massive house so she has her own room with tv and ensuite (whereas here DD has to give up her bedroom for MIL). I explained that it will be expensive if we all go, unrelaxing and boring for myself and the DC during the day all being cooked up in the house all the time.
He got moody/grumpy saying she was elderly and that I was making him chose between us and his elderly mum. I said well you can decide whether or not you want to visit that weekend yourself I am not making you chose I have just said I am not going to visit during the BH weekend as I would rather stay at home with my family and our dog.
I do feel a bit bad as she is elderly but I really just don’t want to do it especially so soon after last time so I am not.
My mum lives locally and we hardly ever see her as a family. I usually visit alone whilst he is at work or with the DC which isn’t possible for him to do this as his mum lives so far away and he doesn’t have as much time off as me. In total over a year although his mum lives away we spend far more time with his family than mine. He is lucky if he visits my mum twice a year for an hour at a time which I also pointed out (and he often moans about this).

Yep. Tell him of course you'll spend this BH weekend with his mum if he'll spend the next one with your parents. All weekend.
If he wants to see his mum then it makes perfect sense you stay at home with your dog and as many DC as you can convince.

My MIL lives a 2.5 hour drive away. We'd get there and be expected to sit in her tiny front room with the tv on loud all fecking day waiting for our so-and-so to pop over they never did And if they kids got fed up at being cooped up she'd have a go at their bad behaviour. Which I'd be managing while DH fixed stuff as avoidance therapy So we started taking them out to the park. And she wouldn't come. I think she likes the idea of them sitting in her house to show off to whoever comes round, but not the reality of it. So now DH takes whichever child he can convince to go, they hit the park, cafe, quick DIY session then home. I go once a year.

what was his response OP... did he 'Get It' ? I feel for you ...

I think it's perfect for dh to go by himself, if he wants to. Why does he feel he needs to drag everybody else with him?

How old is mil?

You’ve done the right thing. You’ve just seen her at Easter! It’s not up to your MIL and SIL to decide what you should be doing at the weekend.

I don’t really understand these threads. Yes I appreciate it can be hard to say no sometimes. But, you have spent a lot of time with your MIL, and you want time together as a family. So, just say, “No, can’t do it Im afraid”. If you want to explain then, “we’ve got plans”, will do.

She’s late 70’s I don’t mind seeing her for a meal if we haven’t seen her for awhile, could go home straight afterwards or for a couple of hours tops but that’s it and not so soon after the recent visit and all the angst fresh in my mind.
My parents wouldn’t want to spend all weekend with us and I wouldn’t either we are at different ages, have different interests likes and dislikes and they have their routines and wouldn’t expect this of us an hours visit is enough for both sides as the conversation dries up also
their isn’t really room, plus they have their own house about 20 minutes drive from us.
Yes DH does jobs or goes to get DIY things in between watching crap on tv and getting fetched cups of tea or bottles of beer or a greasy cooked breakfast. I never get offered anything and if we go out to get some wine I am made to feel like an alco for having a glass of wine so not really my idea of fun. She just likes the idea of her big son and her extended family around her so she can brag to others about this but like another poster doesn’t really like the reality of it as she spends long periods asleep, reading, watching tv or playing a card game on her iPad.
She didn’t ask me whether we were free to visit she suggested it to DH on the phone knowing he is a soft touch so I never got the chance to mention any plans real or imaginary.

Hi, I understand your feelings, just wanted to offer that I have a husband who shares your feelings regarding my family and the last time he acted this way my father died a few days later unexpectedly and I continue to hold a resentment toward him. I would advise to be more sympathetic to his feelings about spending time with his mother.

User she is not stopping him visiting his mum - she's saying she doesn't want to go which is reasonable.