Lost, confused and worthless..

[Whitefeather01]

I don't know what I'm expecting to get from this post. I just need to vent.

I'll be 25 this year. I'm a stay at home mum to two wonderful children. One about to go off to 'big school' and the other to nursery. My OH has a good job with a good salary, good enough that I won't 'need' to go off to work in September. Also half expected to stay at home and be a housewife minus the children. (This is something we have spoken about, I'm fine with it. He just sort of thought that's what would happen anyway)

I have no hobbies, no dreams, goals or aspirations.
I live in a small village that's very rural. I do drive, but only have one local friend who works a lot.

I feel lost in life. Aside from raising my children, I don't feel like I'm going anywhere. Even if I were to get a job once they're off to school/nursery, I have no idea what I want to do.

I just feel like I'm floating day-to-day with no real purpose. I spend my days (aside from looking after the children) cooking, cleaning, too much time on my phone, shopping, meal planning and that's pretty much it. Which I know is pretty standard for a sahm. But still..

I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling like this. I just don't know what to do about it. I have spoken to my Dr and she put me on anti-depressants and said to review me in July.

Shrugs shoulders

If you felt like this, what did you do to overcome it?

Have you considered doing a course whilst your children are out? or voluntary work? Something like homestart which has a small amount of training and a chance to help people, hopefully someone with more experience/understanding will come along

If you don't need to work have you thought about volunteering? Any areas you are interested in? You will also meet new people. Do you have a local WI ? They are much more modern than they used to be. Any local classes or running/walking groups. Could you join the PTA at school? You need to rediscover yourself. Good Luck

Don't lose yourself in your house and family. It may be that you are depressed, so would I be in your position. Think of the medication as a support to help you until you are better and start looking for things to do outside the home. Plan a future for yourself. Get a job. Financial independence is really important for your self esteem.

Sounds like you do need to work. For your sanity. And self respect. And also because it does give you additional security in the future. (Rant deleted)

If dh is worried about the impact on the hh, he could reduce his hours or you could use your salary towards help in the home, cleaner, gardener etc.

You say very rural, how far are you from the nearest larger town? I echo other people who say try some volunteering rolls if there are some near by. You may find something you are passionate about. There is also some volunteering you can do from home. Online advising if you have a good internet connection for example or you could take in books and basic admin for small local charities.
You sound a little lost and I think that's to be expected with an empty house looming, but you will be ok

There are lots of things you can do, my older sister was in this situation a long while ago and she overcame this by doing online courses, volunteering in the local area (there were a few neighbours she helped with IT) and she learnt the clarinet

What do you enjoy doing most in the world? At which times are you most happy?

Did you go to uni before you had children, or have a job? What were your plans then? What did you enjoy doing then?

If you didn't go to uni, you could consider doing an Open University degree. Getting education, and then financial independence is important. Your children won't be small forever, and it's always a good idea to have your own money coming in. When things are good in your relationship, the extra money will always come in handy, and if things go sour, you won't feel like you have to stay because you can't afford to leave.

I agree with the others. You need a goal or an aim.

To reinforce your own self identity if nothing else.

Sure your a wife and a mother, but also you are YOU

I agree volunteering a in a sector that interests you is a treat way to go. They won’t be talking about children and meal plans. Your colleagues will know you as you

As the others have said above, but also, I think you are in a very, very advantageous situation and should dwell on that a little bit more. Think about the myriads of ways you could use that time, hobbies you could learn, people, you could help. If you were forced to return to work like many women are, you'd probably yearn to have more time for personal development and with your children. There are tons of things you could do. Pp have given great suggestions. If you can learn a craft, that would be great.

Yy to all of the above. Work if you can, volunteer, learn, gain new skills if you can't. It doesn't have to be a lot. Small experiences add up to a good cv in future.

I was in a very similar position, living in a small village. Volunteered and did fairly menial jobs simply to keep myself sane, but when the kids were older and I applied for more serious positions it was amazing how a couple of hours a month in one place, or a day course in another suddenly enabled me to tick boxes on the application - yes, I have worked as a volunteer doing X and Y; yes I did a course on Z. And you might meet some interesting people along the way too.

Best of luck

I also have a well earning DH. I don't live rurally though, I grew up rurally which is why I would never choose that as an adult. It sounds great but in reality is a pita so you have my sympathy. I'm not working now due to ill health.

I have joined a writers group and also spent time learning how to craft using Eva foam. I made an entire set of armour, I'm not sure what to do with it now though :) I'm also growing veg again, just a small plot in the garden. I'm limited by my health.

I'm older than you and have a good pension, what's yours like?

Sounds to me like you do need a job.

First off you may be down, low and lost but you are not worthless. You say you have two wonderful children. That means you have just finished an amazing job of work - raising two children to school/nursery age. This is not an easy thing to do - especially as you are such a young woman.

If I were you I would do one or preferably more of these sorts of things and I would do it quickly without overthinking it:

get a part-time job in your local pub/shop.
sign up to something on a volunteering site like do-it.org
do a degree at your nearest university - or some other course
sign up to help with a local cause that you believe in

You are so young! Once you're back in the game, one thing will lead to another and could lead you anywhere in life. Good luck.
If you don't like being rural, would you consider moving into town?

find Something mentally stimulating.
A job or a course.