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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated with ex

11 replies

Bumble1830 · 23/04/2018 23:13

Hi, Im new to this site so apologies if I have started a thread in the wrong topic...Right, here goes....

I seperated from sons dad 7 years ago, without going onto too much detail, he isnt a very nice man. Hes a manipulator, likes to be in control, completely paranoid and thrives on power. There was a court order put into place about 5 years back, which is why contact happens (although the order has never really been followed on his part). I'm looking for some advice now, Whenever I disagree with the way he does things I get called a jealous bitter ex whose being awkward, which is as far from the truth as it could be, due to circumstances that happened a few years back he has moved back with his mum, which was great, because I knew my son would be well looked after. Anyway, now he has moved in with his girlfriend that he has known for less than a month, I have asked for his new address as my son stays overnight with him fortnightly, He is refusing to give me it, repeating his favourite line..."jealous biter ex...blah blah blah.... What do I do? Do I refuse over night contact? refuse contact altogether? Or have I got no right to know? I am exasperated with it all, i just want an easy life, If its not one thing its another and all Ive ever wanted is whats best for my son, but no one listens....aaarrrggghhhh!!!

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 23/04/2018 23:15

How old is your son.?

Puffycat · 23/04/2018 23:21

Whatever the ins and outs of your relationship with your ex you are absolutely NBU to know the address of where your dc is staying!
If he’s not prepared to be reasonable and tell you the fucking address, then no, you have other plans and he can’t have his son to play happy families for the weekend.
Don’t piss about with a 7yr olds safety or stability

bigbird50 · 23/04/2018 23:23

No address, no contact. I wouldn't let my DC leave the house without knowing where they are. Your ex has a new woman and this may be difficult too for your DS and needs carefully managed. So YANBU. Go and speak to a solicitor about it....

Original poster
Bumble1830 · 23/04/2018 23:23

Hi, Hes 10 yo

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumble1830 · 23/04/2018 23:32

I know you are all right, I have always tried to do what I think is the right thing, but theres always a fight, Im not saying he has to bow down and do as i say, but to be reasonable would be a start. Its like im fighting for the care of my DS and nobody else cares. I am reluctant to go to solicitor/court as they dont believe ex is as "bad" as I say, which is why an order was put into place originally,and I just don't have the confidence in the courts anymore. If ex doesnt get his way I get abuse and accusations thrown at me, Im just tired with it all and dont know what to do

OP posts:
bigbird50 · 24/04/2018 07:11

Gather evidence, keep texts and other communication. Bottom line is your DS isn't going anywhere without you having an address. Speak to your DS and ask ig he wants to go to stay at a womans house. Email your ex or text stating such. Keep his reply as I am sure it won't be positive. Then leave it to him to pay to see a solicitor. Another way is to speak to his DM as she may br able to mediate this. I had an ex who did this. Made any contact difficult, would change days as I couldn't possibly have a Friday night out. He would plan a trip to take DS to visit him DG and then turn up saying he needs money and if i didn't give it I was spoiling my DS weekend. Needless to say he kicked off when I met someone else, ended up in court and he got NC. It was like a big weight off my shoulders not having to deal with that man.

Graphista · 24/04/2018 07:18

I agree with you he's not behaving sensibly.

But legally - you don't have a leg to stand on. His address, his relationship (unless she is a known danger to children), what he does with your son (excepting abuse/neglect) is none of your business.

Yes it's frustrating and worrying but that's the way it is.

Support your son so he feels as secure as possible and can confide in you if necessary. That's all you can do.

swingofthings · 24/04/2018 07:22

He is 10yo, he's had contact with his dad for 5yo. What are you worrying about? It sounds like you need to let go. If your son is miserable there, I'm sure he could find a way to call you. Why do you need the address for?

Waggingmyginger · 24/04/2018 07:23

I put my foot down over no address. I wrote an email saying as the RP I needed to know a phone number available for visits and an address in case of emergency. I was told a court could rule it was none of my business but my solicitor also knew any family court would be unimpressed with such a petty display from the nrp
With the nasty comments I refused telephone calls, asking him to email to stay "on track". I only responded to anything specifically related to dc.
All the insults I ignored. I would copy the only relevant question and give as closed an answer as possible.
At first his drivel got worse, trying to get a response but soon he went to a more rational approach.

Lacucuracha · 24/04/2018 07:46

I think Graphista is right. There have been threads where RP has kept their address secret from NRP.

It's crap that he's moved in after just one month. Could you ask your solicitor about withholding contact due to the suddeness of this all?

bigbird50 · 24/04/2018 08:11

Wagging absolutely agree with how you dealt with it. The OP is still controlling from a far and abusive. Change your tact OP follow waggings advice.

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