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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF relative?

52 replies

ireallydontcare · 23/04/2018 20:55

NC for this and going to try to keep it as vague as possible so as not to out ourselves.

A cousin has requested my business services at a family event. Said it was just for family and close friends. I said okay and said no fee, cos its family and I rarely charge family. Also I did a similar event for his sibling also for free, and I was at that event as a guest (this is important).

Got a thanks very much, very small do, just family and close friends. I started to get suspicious, why does family member keep saying that? dawns on me maybe I'm not invited, they just want my services. I asked for dates and details. Got a 3rd reply with dates and once again, just a small do but you can bring DC "if you want".

DH is saying they only asked for my services because they knew I'd do it for free, and also because the company they usually use is either not available or too dear. He says they never had any intention of inviting us along despite being a close family member regardless of what he says!

So what do I do now? Not sure if I can or should get out of it as I don't want to upset Aunt who I doubt knows about any of this. Aunt is not well off although cousin is.

OP posts:
honeyroar · 23/04/2018 22:10

Or you could be just as tactless and bowl up with your mum and all your side of the family in a minibus.

Orchidflower1 · 23/04/2018 22:11

They want a freebie and if your mum isn’t invited either ( the aunt of customer) that’s another “ close family” that’s not invited - either say you can’t afford to take a loss of £2k when it’s obvious you and your mum not invited or say you have a last minute client but brief your mum to say the same.

YippeeTipTap · 23/04/2018 22:19

That’s really rude of them. I’d want to back out to.

NWQM · 23/04/2018 22:23

When you say requested your services did your cousin ask for a quote or if you were free? I'd be inclined to go back and re do the quote explaining that you'd assumed that you and your family were invited, ordinarily this would mean that the services would be 'free' / a gift but sorry you realise now that they wanted a quote so the cost would x minus the friends and family discount of x percentage. I'd keep it very professional and not lie about having another event. Why should you have to make an excuse like that - at best you've made a mistake. Why should you have to tie yourself in knots getting out of it or getting the rate of pay you deserve. If you were not to be invited as a guest they sorry they don't get the same deal as the sibling. Just state that and see what happens.

MaggieFS · 23/04/2018 22:24

I'd also go with that response from @SomeKnobend assuming you'd be happy to do it for free if you were invited? Is that what happened when you did it for the sibling? As a minimum, you need the same 'terms' as when you did whatever for sibling. But basically, they're trying to take the piss so pull out.

expatinscotland · 23/04/2018 22:29

Don't worry about giving them time to find someone else, either. Not your problem. CFs get away with pissing on people because people are too polite to tell them to go and fuck themselves.

honeyishrunkthekid · 23/04/2018 22:29

I would say something along the lines of

I'm close enough family to expect my services for free, but not close enough to be formally invited to the wedding.

No way would I do that. So cheeky.

Original poster
ireallydontcare · 23/04/2018 22:30

DM has phoned DA who it seems was neither aware our services were asked of nor aware that we are seemingly not invited. DA is furious and I think shit is going to hit the fan. Either way, DM has said I'm not available and nor is she!

OP posts:
Original poster
ireallydontcare · 23/04/2018 22:32

its catering yes, I don't want to out myself though so trying not to reveal too much

OP posts:
KeepServingTheDrinks · 23/04/2018 22:33

OOOoooo. I love an enraged aunt!

YippeeTipTap · 23/04/2018 22:36

Lol OP, don’t you know how these CF threads are meant to go. 😂. You not actually meant to sort them out so quickly and easily by actually talking to someone and declining to go along with the cheeky fuckery.

Anyway, glad you have it sorted.

ohfourfoxache · 23/04/2018 22:38

Holy fuck on a fiddlestick, your relative sounds like an arse hole

MsJolly · 23/04/2018 22:39

Go for your aunt!

TheBigFatMermaid · 23/04/2018 22:39

Enraged Aunt is golden!

LagunaBubbles · 23/04/2018 22:40

Nope no way would I be doing this for free. These type of people get away with all sorts of outrageous behaviour because some people "don't want to upset anyone"....dont let yourself be taken advantage of OP.

expatinscotland · 23/04/2018 22:41

'DM has phoned DA who it seems was neither aware our services were asked of nor aware that we are seemingly not invited. DA is furious and I think shit is going to hit the fan. Either way, DM has said I'm not available and nor is she!'

Thank fuck someone has a bloody backbone! In the future, work on your assertiveness or you'll forever have twats trying it on and costing you money. That's money you can use on your kids. 'Sorry, I don't provide freebies, cost rates or mate's rates as it causes a real conflict of interest.' The end.

notapizzaeater · 23/04/2018 22:43

I'm glad someone has done something, they really where taking the piss

Gemini69 · 23/04/2018 22:43

hahahaaaa well done DM Flowers

QueenofWhisperz · 23/04/2018 22:45

someone tell me what a 'cf' is? is it 'cheeky fucker' ?

bunbunny · 23/04/2018 22:55

The opening phrase 'we seem to have been talking at cross purposes...' has been very useful in situations like this when you want to say something without having to lay the blame on anyone explicitly even though you know that it's them...

Although having just seen your last update about your dm and da's conversation you probably won't need it any more Grin

WatchingFromTheWings · 23/04/2018 23:04

Got in it one @QueenofWhisperz ! Grin

Inertia · 23/04/2018 23:14

There’s a world of difference between providing your service when it’s a gift from a guest to the bride and groom, and being expected to work for free.

Good for your mum though.

DarkPeakScouter · 23/04/2018 23:26

God on your DM!

DarkPeakScouter · 23/04/2018 23:26

Good even. I do wish my phone wouldn’t alter words I type correctly.

Original poster
ireallydontcare · 24/04/2018 19:22

no updates on what aunt has said or done yet, sorry! But really want to know so going to try to get my DM to find out. Neither aunt nor my DM take any nonsense although I'm more of a wimp.

OP posts: