Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving babies/toddler overnight

20 replies

GreenVoyage · 23/04/2018 09:33

Just catching up with This Morning where Kylie Jenner has been shamed for leaving her 2 month old baby overnight to go to a music festival.

AIBU to think she's done nothing wrong here? Seriously, why is it an issue?

I left my DP and I left our DD overnight with my DM in our house whilst we went for a night for a night out. Since then she's been for sleepovers at grandparents and she'll be staying with my DM for 12 nights while we're on our honeymoon later in the year, she'll just have turned 2.

Does this make me a bad parent? I certainly don't think so!

OP posts:
katmarie · 23/04/2018 09:37

I left my ds with his dad on Saturday night, to go on my hen party. He's three months old. It was lovely to have a break, even though I missed him. Dp told me they had a great time just the two of them, so I don't see the issue. You have to have your own life as well as being a mum, or you'll crack up.

BarryTheKestrel · 23/04/2018 09:38

Everyone feels differently about leaving their babies. Some do it within weeks, others haven't had a night without children until they leave home.

I left DD overnight at 4 months. Since then she's had a fortnightly sleepover at MILs and occasional other sleepovers with DM or SIL. We also went for a long weekend away when she was 18 months. She's 3 now and very well adjusted, happy to sleep at other people's houses without any fuss which helps if we go to visit people etc.

It's only an issue for Kylie Jenner because she's in the public eye and people love to judge.

CluelessMummy · 23/04/2018 09:38

What the story ignored was that she was there with her partner - dad-shaming clearly does not exist as no one questioned why he might want some time out! Hypocrisy at its finest.

Personally I wouldn't have left my DD for a weekend at that age but that's entirely my choice and I certainly wouldn't judge any parent (note PARENT, not mother) for doing so, provided of course that the baby is left with someone responsible.

Lazypuppy · 23/04/2018 09:51

My 3 month old will be sleeping over at my mums this saturday night, and when she is 4 months she will be spending the whole weekend there as we are away.

Me and my partner ave also had a couple of date nights with people babysitting. I think it is important to have some time away every now and then, nd for us its nice to get to be a couple and keep our relationship strong. We're not just parents

howthelightgetsin · 23/04/2018 09:53

I did find it a bit shocking to be honest. My parents recently suggested they have my nearly 2 year old and I found that suggestion shocking (and by the look on my partner’s face he found the idea equally appalling) but I know some people would do it.

Original poster
GreenVoyage · 23/04/2018 10:06

@howthelightgetsin.. Why is it shocking?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 23/04/2018 10:12

I wouldn't but out doesn't mean she shouldn't. And I doubt a Dad would get the same level if abuse. Wasn't Cheryl's 1D partner away a lot when Bear was first born?

Addictedtohavingbabies · 23/04/2018 10:15

I left my first DS overnight with my own mum, but I was young and still living at home so he was used to being there with her.
I haven't left my other three kids overnight, in fact I rarely leave them at all. We have a "date night" kind of thing every couple of months, but I come home after a few hours. I just don't like the idea of leaving four children ( three under 5) with somebody overnight as it's a lot of responsibility and I worry about all their needs being met.

DrWhy · 23/04/2018 10:33

I couldn’t have left DS at that age as I was breastfeeding but no issue with someone who does. I’d have killed for a full nights sleep, although a music festival wouldn’t have been my location of choice. I’ve been going away for work since DS was 12 months old and he’s fine at home with DH. In fact after 2 nights with him I went through to settle DS last night and was greeted by him standing in his cot shouting ‘daddy, daddy, daddy!’.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/04/2018 10:36

I couldn’t have left DS at that age as I was breastfeeding
I do wonder if this is what's actually behind some of the judgement, the assumption that she isn't breastfeeding

bonbonlavie · 23/04/2018 10:41

@howthelightgetsin

I’m going to assume from the shocked you’re experiencing that your parents are deranged psychos who couldn’t possibly left in charge of putting a child to bed.

howthelightgetsin · 23/04/2018 10:42

GreenVoyage I don’t know, because the baby is so young? And I can’t imagine my child not freaking out at someone else trying to put them to be or being their in night for the million wake ups. The idea of them being scared with someone else and not knowing if you were ever coming back is really sad to me.
But Kylie was going out without the baby rally quickly so I assume the baby is well bonded with a nanny. I also assume since she had the baby so young the plan always was that she wouldn’t completely put her life on hold, the way older parents often do.

I don’t know anyone who left their babies overnight under a year. And most were much, much older and not remotely babies. But then I realise maybe the people I know are now representative.
Also yes it would have been impossible for me because of breastfeeding.

Gileswithachainsaw · 23/04/2018 10:43

Honestly I think people are often jealous that a baby can be "left"

We hear all from all the people who say that their babies wake and feed multiple times a night and its impossible to leave them. The idea that a baby might happily take a bottle either of formula or expressed milk and sleep well and only need feeding once in the night and settles with grandparents or nannies never seems to occur.

If you don't want to leave the baby that's of course fine. But as long as a baby is looked after properly then one night is hardly worth talking about...

And as a pp pointed out no ones criticising the dad.

howthelightgetsin · 23/04/2018 10:45

bonbonlavie if they saw him most days then maybe it would be normal. As it is they see him every few months and I’m pretty sure he has no idea who my dad is at all, the one hour or two of interaction every few months not leaving much of an impression. So yes of course it would be crazy. He would have no idea what was happening and why he was being out to bed by them, and frankly I have no idea how they’d cope with hourly wake ups given they’ve not done that for 30+ years.

ificouldwritealettertome · 23/04/2018 10:50

The idea of them being scared with someone else and not knowing if you were ever coming back is really sad to me.

That literally doesn't happen. It might now that your DC is 2 and has never experienced it but babies a few weeks/months old just need to be fed, changed and cuddled.

I had my first night out when DD was 3 weeks. She has had a few sleepovers with GPs on both sides. I had really severe HG throughout my pregnancy and just needed some time to be a functional human again. Otherwise I would now be in an institution and every night of DDs life would be a sleepover

mindutopia · 23/04/2018 10:53

I think you have to do what you’re comfortable with and it’s lovely you have the support to do that (as do celebrities with their nannies, ability to have family close by that they can always fly in, etc.) Our oldest is 5 and we’d left her overnight for a night or two here and there since she was maybe around 2-3. Realistically, even that was a stretch (though amazing!) because we don’t have family nearby and my family has to fly to visit and they don’t drive, so leaving her more than a night or two is hard. But it was wonderful to have that time. We definitely couldn’t have done it earlier than that as our family really aren’t young enough to be up all night with a baby or toddler so she had to be old enough to sleep well and not be too much work. But it was lovely to get a break, even if I wouldn’t have done it sooner. I think do what feels right and enjoy yourself!

catattack123 · 23/04/2018 10:58

@howthelightgetsin you sound very judgemental imo. I had my DS at 19 years old and have never left him overnight, he is 3 in June. I only weaned him from breastfeeding a couple of months ago as I am pregnant with his sister and it was uncomfortable for me to continue to feed. Yet I know plenty of 'older mums' who have left their babies at a couple of months old and younger to go on 'girls nights out'- so it's certainly not just younger mums who choose to leave their DC.
I think it is completely unfair the backlash she is getting for leaving her DC with her DP! It's such a personal choice when you leave your kids, and no one has any right to judge on it.

Waitingonasmiley42 · 23/04/2018 11:00

I think each to their own and there's nothing wrong with it. I personally couldn't even contemplate it and my baby is almost 4 months. I'm breastfeeding and he still wakes up every few hours so maybe that's why. I've left him to exercise (2 hours max) but nothing longer.

DragonMummy1418 · 23/04/2018 11:02

I personally wouldn't do it that young but I wouldn't judge someone else who did.
As long as they're with people you totally trust, it shouldn't be an issue at all really.

GrandTheftWalrus · 23/04/2018 11:05

I've just left my 17 month old with her dad for a week so I could go work.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread