Can’t connect with Homestart volunteer

[Justposting]

I have been matched with a volunteer after my HV referred me due to isolation and postanatal depression, I have bad days and some good days, my volunteer has visited me once and I just don’t feel I can open up to her, I’ve had a very traumatic last year with my little boy being in intensive care. she is very secretive about her life and wouldn’t tell me even the area where she lives when I asked is she was from local. She said am from the other side of town. She won’t talk about herself at all, I don’t feel like I can tell her really how am feeling and about my struggles over the years. When I did say I was often down she mentioned that praying should make my life better, she didn’t mean it in a horrible way but when I mentioned I feel down and sad etc she said maybe if you pray your life get easier. And that god has a purpose plan for everything when I said I wasn’t happy with my current now pregnancy. As my little boy is still very young I just find it so hard to be having another baby again. I can’t complain or just have a rant as I feel judged by her. I don’t feel like I can talk to her about this or how am feeling. I was due to see her again yesterday she called me the morning to ask if she still should come over. I explained that I had to go to Tesco get a few things and should be back, she called me and explained that she was outside the house. I was checking out my groceries and explained I would be straight back home and to give me about 10min, within those 10min she called me 4 times to ask how long I would be am a new driver so was not Comfortable answering calls, but I did as I knew she was waiting for me, she explained to me that she would leave and we would have to re arrange it as she had called the office and they had told her to leave as she wasn’t allowed to wait more than 5min, i was just 2 min away from home at this time when she said she would leave, i rushes to get back I said I was just 2 min away round the corner and she said she would have to re arrange it. I understand that she is a volunteer and I appreciate that but I feel like when her 3 hours are over she will drop whatever she was doing her coat and leave as this is what she did on her last visit, she is due to visit me every 2 weeks for 3 hours at a time. I feel like if I called the office It would get back to her about this and I just feel like taking crap because I don’t have any friends or family, I am desperate for company, on her last visit she constantly asked me how I felt about the visit and if it helped me in any way so she could write it in her diary report. I don’t feel like she is doing it from her heart as she is training to be a family support worker and this is more like work experience for her. My reasons for wanting a volunteer was to have a friend or even someone that would become like a member of our family, am AIbu to expect this?

YANBU - if it's not working for you then don't have her, it's not compulsory.

YABVU to expect a Homestart volunteer to become part of your family. She is there to offer you help and support for the duration that she is in your home.

She should not be telling you to pray and I would mention that to whoever matched you. I think you have very high expectations and perhaps you need to address this before seeing her again. Of course after the allotted time she will leave, she has guidelines that she needs to adhere to and I assume she has her own life as well.

I would ask for a different one; you don’t have to give a reason other than you don’t click with her.
I think her comment about praying is not really appropriate. I think you might be expecting a bit much with your last comment but you should expect to feel comfortable with the person

Maybe you could see if there's a local mother and baby group? You're more likely to meet some possible friends there. Or take your child out to the local park, and see if you can get chatting to other mums there. The Homestart visitor is more like a support worker. If she's not a good match for you, you should certainly ask for an alternative person.

As a PP mentioned, she has guidelines that she has to adhere to and that is why she won't answer be allowed to answer questions about herself. She isn't there to be a friend, she is there to be a support for you. You have only seen her once, give her a chance, if it still isn't working for you call the office and explain. They will understand.

When my DC were little I had homestart come and bring a volunteer to me. They left us alone for about 20 minutes, then the volunteer was taken away and the homestart lady came back. I told her I did not want that volunteer. They found me another, no problem!

I think the OP has reasonable expectations. She wants someone who's friendly. If the volunteer is just doing it for work experience, that's not really suiting the OP - it wouldn't suit me, either.

I would ask if you can have someone different, OP. I wouldn't be happy being told to pray, either.

I would also ask for another volunteer as I don’t think she should be advising you to pray! HomeStart aren’t a religious organisation and she shouldn’t be trying to convert people.
I do think Yabu about the other things though. Having volunteered for HomeStart myself you are advised not to tell the people you visit personal detail and I really think you should have made sure you were in as they obviously have to put some kind of limit on how long volunteers should wait.

She is volunteering to gain experience. She is there to listen and support you but in a professional capacity. She is not your friend and I think you are expecting too much from her. She probably senses this too. Maybe adk for another match.

She does sound unfriendly tbh. But then hoping that a volunteer who is there to support you might end up as a good friend or like family is maybe getting a bit ahead of yourself and setting yourself up for a disappointment.

I don’t think it would be U to ask for a different volunteer though.

I would speak to your Home Start Co-ordinator, tell them that you don't think you and the volunteer are a suitable match and ask if they can find you a different one. I would explain to them that you felt uncomfortable with her comments about praying, as I suspect that sort of comment isn't encouraged.
With regard to telling you about herself, volunteers are encouraged not to divulge too much personal information, so that is probably all she was doing. I would agree though that it is very difficult to strike up a working relationship with someone if you don't get any "feedback" at all.

She shouldn't be suggesting prayer, but many support organisations that I have worked and volunteered for have quite strict rules about boundaries - talking about your personal life is often discouraged because it blurs the line between support worker and friend. That said, not telling you the rough area she lives in is perhaps taking it a little far.

Oh wow I'd love to be be your volunteer OP, but that aside I agree she sounds a bit detached. Ask for someone else don't let this drag on, you deserve better. So what if it gets back to her, she's from the "other side of town" so you'll never see her again!

Ex-volunteer here, we were told at our training not to talk about ourselves or to give out our phone numbers or address.
I agree that telling you to pray is not appropriate.
It can be very difficult at first to have a relationship with a stranger, maybe give it another visit. Maybe she could help you with a practical task or visit to a park to help break the ice? I think that your expectations were a bit high to start with, And in our scheme we were only allowed to visit for 9 months, so in your volunteers position I would for example explored ways for you to expand your network of friends over those months.
If its not working for you then give the office a call. They will accept that not all matches are going to work, did you meet with her and a coordinator first?
To get funding we had to make quite detailed reports after each visit, you really shouldn’t have been quizzed for this though

I have been a Homestart volunteer, I would not have been offended if a family had said I wasn’t a match. You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Your volunteer shouldn’t be making your life more stressful, ask for someone else, Homestart will understand.

I am home start volunteer. We are told that we shouldn't give away too much about where we stay or our own lives until we are comfortable doing so. I have been seeing my family for about 8 months now and have built up a great relationship with them but i did that by listening and attuning myself to their needs. I sounds like your volunteer has been very quick to impose her own views on you, like the praying thing. I does not sound like a good match and i would just contact the coordinator to ask for a different volunteer.

YANBU to not like the religious guff, but the rest of your complaints are a bit out of order. She's behaving entirely within her remit as a formal volunteer. She's not your mate from down the pub.

Do you have anyone who can babysit for you so you can go out and just meet people on an equal basis? Or can you join a gym with a crèche?

I don't think being social worked is going to be something you find beneficial. Not that I blame you- it sounds excruciating.

As a volunteer she is probably trained to not to tell you personal details such as where she lives, things about her own life - so your expectations are a bit wrong on this front.

She's there to give you support, not to be a friend or a member of the family.

However she should also have been trained not to go on about praying too.

SaucyJack. Homestart is not about being 'social worked'. I say that because i was a social worker and now i am retired i am a homestart volunteer and it is very, very different in terms of my remit. I would say i am more like a fun, helpful gran to my family than a social worker.

She should not be pushing her religion on vulnerable people. That's something I would definitely mention when requesting a new volunteer.

I mean fair enough that she doesn’t want to tell your where exactly she lives - she could be opening herself up to danger if she gives out that sort of information to everyone she visits. I’m sure you can understand

Just get a new volunteer. The stuff about praying definitely raises an eyebrow- in 2018 any people aren’t religious and I don’t think that this sort of interaction is the appropriate place to push religion

you, many