AIBU with my friend?

[trueblueari]

I'll try not to ramble.

I'm at university and have an exam on Tuesday. My other exams should be fine but this one there's no way I can pass as 75% of the exam is maths, and I struggle to even read numbers. They move around on the page and end up giving me a migraine headache every time. It also means I can't read the questions correctly and so have no hope of answering them correctly. My friend knows this.

We were talking about exams and I said "well Monday should be fine but there's no way I can pass on Tuesday because of the numbers."
She said something to the tune of "oh but you'll still pass."
I said "no I literally can't, I got 0 marks on the last maths test, I can't actually read the questions," to which she replied that she knew that but I'd still pass.

I laughed it off but she later called and asked during the call how I was feeling about said exam. "I'm revising for the other parts but if I look at the maths part I'll end up with a migraine and unable to study anything else," and she said "oh but you'll pass anyway!"

I was a bit snippy with her at this point as she knows as well as I do that I can't. I said "how can I? Do you actually think that or are you taking the piss?" which I now realise was unreasonable. She said she was being supportive. I apologised for snapping but asked her not to mention the exam again because while I understand she thinks it's supportive, it feels to me like she's dismissing the issues I have with numbers and implying I'm overreacting and will pass anyway, which doesn't feel supportive to me. This was yesterday - she hung up when I said that and won't talk to me at all.

As I've said, I know I shouldn't have snapped at her and I apologised for that. But AIBU in seeing it as unsupportive?

I can see how you might feel, I'm similar with numbers. Have you accessed Student Support to be assessed for dyscalcula? I think I've spelt that incorrectly but when I was at Uni I was assessed and was given extra tuition and help. It went unnoticed all through school, even through countless maths exam failures, and all other subjects were OK. Hope you get the support you need.

You need to talk to Student Support, they will assess you and then provide you with a support member who can read the questions to you (or another alternative) so you can still take the exam.

Very unreasonable in my opinion. What was it she was supposed to say? She's trying to be upbeat and positive to support you and keep you going.
I think you need to speak to academic services for assessment/support for your numbers issue and apologise to your friend

Not going to help in the short term but please look into visual stress...a couple of things to read to start you off
www.eyecaretrust.org.uk/view.php?item_id=125
www.leightons.co.uk/opticians/eye-vision-care-resources/colorimetry-visual-stress/

I have a friend who supports me like that. Drives me bonkers because it's an attempt to put the best spin on everything without considering the facts and it makes me feel like he couldn't care less about the details of the situation. I'd rather someone just say "I hear you, anything I can do to help?" But at the same time people mean well, it's just a bit irritating.

Definitely contact student support. It sounds like you have classic dyscalculia. Hopefully they can assist you to get through the exam

@Namechangegames I've already apologised, but I still don't see it as supportive. If you were going into a Cantonese speaking exam (assuming you don't speak Cantonese), me saying "yeah but you'll pass!" "But.. I can't... I literally can't even tell what they want me to do, I don't speak the language" "yeah but you'll pass!" would surely annoy you.
As for what she's supposed to say, something like "are you going to do the resit exam or just sit another module next year?" or "they'll see from your grade on the other part that it's a numeracy issue and might start taking you seriously". Failing that she could have just not brought it up again.

To those who have suggested dyscalculia: you're right, it was diagnosed years ago. Unfortunately my academic adviser didn't know what it was, and also didn't know that this module was so heavily focused on maths, and by the time we realised, it was too late to switch. They have maths tuition classes, but they did no good as I still couldn't read the numbers. It's just an unfortunate fact that I'm stuck with this and will fail the exam.

Thank you to those who have suggested different forms of support though, much appreciated!

YABU
If my friend was repeatedly telling me she was doing a Cantonese exam but saying she would fail it because she doesn't know Cantonese id be harsher! You are still wanting to take the exam and she's trying to be optimistic and reassure you.
Would you rather she said yes you will fail?

It's hard if your friend was repeatedly saying they are taking an exam and there was no chance of passing. I would assume they were looking for support if they repeatedly mention it which it seems you have.

You're stressed about the exam and taking it out on her

I would actually prefer if she acknowledged I'll fail, but I see I'm in the minority there. But no, I didn't repeatedly mention it. She asked about it, then later called back and asked about it again. If I kept bringing it up I'd understand!

Also, I don't want to do the exam. I have to or I'll have to repeat the module and end up in exactly the same situation in a year.

You asked if people thought you were being unreasonable in seeing it as unsupportive, I said I thought you were and so you argue that you're not. What exactly is the point of this thread? Also I did point out other avenues of help for you.
I think your friend has probably left you to stew in your own bad mood and I don't blame them

I can see why that's annoying, I have a friend who constantly tells me 'you're not fat' even though I'm quite clearly very overweight, absolutely drives me nuts. Not sure why she says it, maybe she believes it will come true if she says it enough times haha (I am doing something about it btw and have lost 2 stone already 👍🏻)
I hope you're exam goes ok, feel your pain with 'swimming numbers' I get this too. Hope you get some extra help and support 😊

It’s very odd that once your advisor realized you were on a course that was mostly maths, absolutely nothing was put in place for support. In fact, it’s ridiculous!

What’s the point in doing it and sitting the exam if you know you’re going to fail? Your time would be better spent elsewhere!

Anyway, it does sound like she was clumsily trying to support you. You were out of order. You apologised...surely it’s done now?

i don;t get what the point of doing the exam is? seems strange if you attempt it and get zero, that is okay but if you don't sit it you have to retake the module? Just go and spend 90 mins staring out the window.

YANBU - it's patronising in the extreme to be so ridiculousy positive about a situation that is so negative.

I have a friend like that. I'm in an incredibly difficult situation which is ongoing and she keeps piping up with 'why don't you go for a walk', 'i'll take you for a massage' and similar crap. It' not supoortive at all, it's dismissive and patronising.