Why would someone not read the divorce papers

[suspiciousandconfused]

NC for this post but am a fairly old hat.

BF has been divorced for about 4 years. He continued to live with his wife for about a year after they split until she got her own place. She's now engaged to someone else. He's quite vague about when it all happened but I've met her and they are definitely divorced. I've met his family, been on holiday with his kids and parents and no suspicions over him still being married incase any one suggests that.
One thing I do find really weird though is that he says he didn't even read the divorce papers, he just signed them. I say bullshit. His wife filed for divorce and he just went along with whatever she wanted. Why would he either lie about not reading them or if he's not lying why on earth would someone not read why their wife was divorcing them? It makes no sense to me and I don't see a reason to lie.

My brother did the same thing. It's slightly odd, but they were pretty civilised about it and he knew he was giving her the house, the bank account and a load of other stuff because that's what they'd agreed to do when they decided to get divorced. I imagine, for your bf, he wasn't contesting anything, they lived in the same house for a long time after they 'split' and he trusted her to do what they'd agreed. Maybe actually reading it was too painful, or maybe he felt it was just irrelevant by the time he signed it.

My exH ran off with a woman from his football club's talk boards. Who I had met several times. And decided to do me for unreasonable behaviour. I pondered doing him for adultery, but decided that if we were getting divorced, he was paying for it. So before I agreed to sign, I made him read it all out loud to me on the phone. Could barely stop giggling.

It was clear he felt bad reading it out. Good. I signed. Fast forward a decade and he facebooked me out of the blue saying that he felt badly about how he had treated me, turned out wife2 was going to leave him. Readers, I chortled. And did not reply.

He's hiding something. My ex did this. When I was 6 months pregnant I found the divorce papers by accident. Not surprisingly the listed all of the horrible issues I'd recently started to experience with him - and did eventually lead to our separation when our son was 3.

People never change much.

I can't even remember what reason i put down to divorce Exh, I know that he contested it and put down his own reasons, I never read them, i just signed it and gave it back to the solicitor. Couldn't have cared less!

My dad didnt, my mum could have (and should have) put anything down but he never even glimpsed and signed them. He wanted a divorce asap as he'd told his mistress he was already long divorced 😑

My sister didn't read her divorce papers - it was amicable and friendly - there were no grounds really, they just outgrew each other (married too young and wanted different things) and there were no real assets to split as they'd already decided he could keep the house.

It's funny though, because if you read the papers it would sound like my sister was an adulterer, as that's the grounds for the divorce. Truth is they'd lived apart for two years and were in new relationships, they just needed to put a reason for the divorce on the papers!

I'm not saying it's common, but if it's an amicable divorce (and some are) with arrangements made beforehand, there aren't really going to be any surprises in the papers.

I wouldn't be bothered why they got divorced, I'd be bothered that you care and think he's hiding something. What's making you suspicious of him?

Abuse?

Exactly @skinnyboneylittlepony - what is making you think that, or be suspicious of him? Is he showing red flags? You generally don't just wonder that about someone even if they won't tell you the reason for their divorce. x

Yes, red flags and what I now know is emotional abuse in our relationship so I've LTB.

Sorry OP, does that mean left the bastard? I hope so. I am reasonably new to Mumsnet ...ha!

Yes it does! Took me awhile to figure it out too! I've posted a few threads about this guy because I was miserable with things but he seemed so reasonable and nice and the general consensus was always to LTB because they could see the abusive behaviour that I was conditioned to think was ok. So I have.

Yes I think I know who you are- I'm so glad you have left. Well fucking done!

My ex had four kidsc

I am so grateful to all the people who have commented on my posts because I thought I was imagining it all and that he wasn't that bad. All the pieces slotted into place though once I read the comments and started really thinking about things. I still struggle to see him as abusive though as he was so kind, helpful, understanding, affectionate, attentive etc. His relationship with his ex wife was cuckoo though and I couldn't believe he didn't know what was on those papers or why she divorced him. The abuse was subtle most of the time but had escalated recently with accusations and generally being a shit. So glad to be out of it.

Ask to see the paperwork. I did. And a person who has nothing to hide will be open about it, because let's face it, it is not necessarily relevant anyway. Some of it is made up just for the purpose of divorcing with relative ease. Another reason why no fault divorce should be the norm.

Well done OP! You won’t regret it!

I can understand wanting to bury your head in the sand on that

(Him I mean!)

My ex didn't read the divorce papers - the first ones that gave the reasons for filing, unreasonable behaviour, etc. It was about not taking responsibility for what he'd done and not wanting to see in black and white who he is, so he could carry on fooling himself. So he could feel like a victim. Obviously he didn't say as much. He said he didn't have time (hugely important man, don't you know 😏) and asked me to fill out everything he needed to (address, etc) and he would just sign.

I had actually watered it down quite a bit so it didn't sound too harsh.