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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stop a woman boarding train when people were departing?

50 replies

gorseclay · 21/04/2018 14:16

I was astonished. Lovely day yesterday and took a day trip. Departing train on return journey that continued after our station.

Busy train station and train but 80% seemed to decant the train with us.
Group of women in 20s/30s decided that they’d try and get on the train as we were all getting off. Tried pushing into me as I was about to take the step off.

I put my arms out to stop her and said “Please wait until people have got off the train first”. Which she followed up with group protestations.

After I was off they’d pushed past an elderly lady behind me.

I’m sorry, but surely this is common sense?

Even if the group of women didn’t manage to get a seat, the final stop was 30 mins or so after.

Has anyone else experienced this level of selfishness?

OP posts:

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 21/04/2018 15:37

My pet hate (apart from people pushing on when you are trying to get off the tube, which I deal with by sharpened elbows and saying, "Give us a chance to get off first" in commanding, middle-aged lady tones) is that when you are "at the front" to get on and still politely waiting for last 1-2 stragglers to get off the train, someone comes from behind you and pushes past you and the stragglers.

supercalifragilisticexpiali · 21/04/2018 15:46

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork Yes, it's that GOTTA GET A SEAT GOTTA GET A SEAT mentality.

Becca19962014 · 21/04/2018 15:49

I'm often a straggler getting off, managing to get between seats even if I've been lucky enough to get and been allowed to stay in one for the elderly/disabled seats (often I'm turfed out as not disabled enough by the guard and they can't be booked), is really difficult with sticks and luggage and not all companies will help on the train nor will passengers give enough time for me to get up and off.

I've been stuck unable to get off because people get on not letting me off and been fined for it. If you get on and there's someone struggling to get off after everyone else has managed then let them off.

Unfortunately I can't stand on a moving train so I can't get up and wait for a stop before the train stops.

Becca19962014 · 21/04/2018 15:51

Our train never has enough seats, it's considered a tourist line so the 'extra' carriage get put on elsewhere, despite that arriva still allow seat bookings for non existent carriage. Sometimes there's nothing at all.

SpringNowPlease2018 · 21/04/2018 15:54

Becca, I'm the woman who commands everyone to be patient and let you disembark. So hello!!

SpringNowPlease2018 · 21/04/2018 15:55

oh and before anyone accuses me of virtual signalling - long experience of injury made me realise how much it's appreciated when people clear a path for you to stop others mowing you down, or give you an arm if that will help you to the doors quicker.

lovehak · 21/04/2018 15:58

they might of not been from UK so didn't know. A lot of things you think are common sense are not common for others.

I would only get on a train first if there was one of two people getting off and there was enough room for me to go pass besides that you always do wait especially if it's busy

YouBetterWORK · 21/04/2018 15:58

This happened once on the tube, I was in a course in London and had never been on the tube before. For several days people tried to get on at the same time, then I realised why. It was stand back please, mind the gap, then everyone would get off and before anyone had a chance to get on the doors shut and off sped a near empty train!

Well come day 4 ish a group of people decided to make a stand and held the doors open while sheparding people on, and having a big row with the guards about the train speeding off without letting people on. All very dramatic!

Becca19962014 · 21/04/2018 16:00

spring on behalf of those who don't say it, for whatever reason, thank you! It is massively appreciated even by those who don't acknowledge you!

Becca19962014 · 21/04/2018 16:02

And, yes there are people who do help. Definitely. And I'm grateful everytime, even if I don't always say so, and if I do, I mean it!

GreyGardens88 · 21/04/2018 16:18

I once got on a crowded train before anyone had got off because I assumed no one WAS getting off. No one inside pressed the button to open the door after the train stopped, and then when I pressed it and doors opened everyone stood there like lemons. So I jumped on and only then did everyone decide to get off. Some old biddy shouted that I was rude

qwertyuiopy · 21/04/2018 16:22

I have been known to press the lift call button a few times in John Lewis, making the doors open and close and open and close, when people have pushed past DS and me, as if we were pebbles in a stream, to get in.

DH hates the programming of those lifts, but I find it quite cathartic!

MustBeThin · 21/04/2018 16:24

I never push to get on the train if people are still getting off but it is extremely irritating when you are waiting to get on and people are only just standing up ages after everyone else has got off.
Everyone already standing leaves the train and then 4 or 5 people dotted about the carriage slowly stand up, have a little stretch maybe finish the last sip of their drink (leave their bottle/cup on the train) then pick up their bag or briefcase from over their head and then amble off the train. I get the same time train to the same destination once a week and this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME.

FreudianSlurp · 21/04/2018 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux · 21/04/2018 16:52

I used to live in London and commuted on the tube. When I first started commuting, in about 1976, people were sensible.

The first time I told someone to wait for people to get off before pushing on was in around 1985 and went down perfectly well, in face I got an apology.

The first time I got hit for saying "please wait for people to get off first" was in 1989.

supercalifragilisticexpiali · 21/04/2018 17:48

Jux "The first time I got hit for saying "please wait for people to get off first" was in 1989."

What happened?

Charolais · 21/04/2018 18:42

When I was born and raised in England in the 50’s, 60’s and early 70’s manners were important and everyone was polite. There was a cultural cohesion back then.

I returned in the 80’s for a short visit with my husband and was shocked at the way people were treating each other. At the Tower of London gift shop I was assaulted by a German woman and her daughter while quietly waiting to buy something. In the local M&S I was pushed out of the way when I was paying at the check-out. These women sounded eastern European or maybe German. My dad saw it and said I should have accidentally stepped on one of their feet.

After a 20 year absence I went back again for a visit and was astounded at the litter, dog shit hanging in the hedgerows, vandalism and graffiti everywhere and people telling each other off.

What went wrong? Seriously, what went wrong?

Bridezilla2be · 21/04/2018 18:47

Yes, I hate it. Only ever seems to happen at a final stop by people getting on the next service, not sure why this makes it ok?

Or at this station in an v expensive area I have to use, only people who ever wait are children while everyone else thinks they’re far too important.

bettytaghetti · 21/04/2018 18:54

Well done for saying something OP.
The other thing that gets my goat is when your train pulls into a station (particularly a London termini) and everyone is crowded around where the doors open so that there's only a tiny aperture for those disembarking the train. Why on earth they can't see if they just stand back a bit everyone would be able to get off quicker and they could then get on quicker. It's not rocket science!

wictional · 21/04/2018 18:57

Meanwhile I went down to London for work this week, stood back to let a couple get off the tube before I got on, and got a shocked “she’s clearly never used the tube before” from the woman

SpringNowPlease2018 · 21/04/2018 19:20

Charolais "What went wrong? Seriously, what went wrong?"

I don't know

Becca - no worries, sometimes I don't even raise a smile while helping because it takes all my mental energy to navigate London anyway! I try to smile but hopefully the actions are enough.

SilentEm564 · 21/04/2018 19:34

Urgh people pushing in is one of my pet hates. It seems worse on buses than on trains around where I live, because buses don't make it clear exactly where they stop and the doors will open at, so people just crowd around.

But I've also noticed that at rush hour, sometimes the train/tube driver doesn't give enough time for everyone to get off at the busy stations, let alone time for new passengers to get on! I've quite frequently heard the staff say the train in ready to depart even though half of the passengers haven't finished getting off yet. Then of course you get all those on the platform rushing on and it makes it worse.

PickAChew · 21/04/2018 19:50

Not unreasonable at all.

I got tutted at for daring to get off a bus and try to go through the door into the bus station when a whole cried, including someone who had pushed their mother's wheelchair into the space where the ramp would need to go, had already pushed up to the doors. There were at least a dozen people behind me also wanting to leave the bus. If I hadn't been needing to hurry to my connection I would have faced them down.

ALongHardWinter · 21/04/2018 20:25

I get this on buses. The problem with the buses round my area is that while they are able to take pushchairs,getting the pushchair on the bus through the actual entrance door is not so easy. So a lot of pushchair users get on via the exit door. Fine,I have no problem with that. What I DO have a problem with is when they try and charge through the exit doors before letting anyone off. The bus drivers around here are a bit quick off the mark to close the doors and drive off,so if you get delayed by someone blocking the exit with a pushchair,you are likely to be wafted off to the next stop. It's particular awkward for me as I'm disabled and can't stand up and make my way to the door before the bus has stopped. I get so annoyed when despite making my way to the exit door as quickly as I can,I can't get past because of a pushchair blocking my way.

Jux · 22/04/2018 22:44

Supercali, I was getting off and was at the front of the crowd right in the doorway, there was no sign of platform to put my foot down due to the crowds wanting to press onto the train. I was in a single-width doorway, so no room at all to bypass.So I held on to each pole, L and R arms outstretched and said VERY loudly "FGS let us get off first" at which everyone on the platform moved back a bit and I stepped off followed by others, but before I was even a couple of feet from the train people were trying to crowd in again, "oh fgs" I said, not as loudly as before. A besuited bloke shunting me out of the way (I expect he was terribly important) tried to thump me as he passed. Luckily it was a bad angle and he didn't hurt me at all, just annoyed me.

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