To be annoyed at friend?

[NC650]

So it was my birthday the other week, I had a few days off and arranged to meet a friend, we'll call her Sharon, on one of them (not on my actual birthday, day after). I ended up spending my actual birthday on my own in the day cos the friend who I'd made plans with had a family emergency, which Sharon knew about. So plan with Sharon was shopping and lunch. When I picked her up at 12pm, she said she had to be back by 2pm cos she was doing something with her boyfriend (something pretty mundane that could be done at any other time imo). I was a bit peed off, but just said okay. When we got back to hers she invited me in, and her boyfriend was on the sofa, he said he was too tired to do the thing, so they didn't go in the end. So we rushed through lunch and didn't go shopping for no reason. AIBU to be a bit peed off about this?!

Anytime she asks me to do anything it's because he's busy, i.e. "What to do something tonight? Bob's busy."

She's one of my oldest friends and has been a good friend in the past, but it just feels like I'm not a friend who she wants to see anymore, I'm just someone to keep her entertained when he's busy.

I know if I bring this up with her it'll result in an argument and her getting upset. So I've let it go for the last 2 years(!), but I'm starting to resent it now. Anyone else had a similar situation?

Yes and it feels shit. I’m not friends with her any more. No drama, I just withdrew because she was making me feel worthless.

I would have an honest talk with her and calmly tell her exactly what you said here. Nothing to get in an argument over, but be honest, it's all you can do if you want to salvage the friendship.

I agree that an honest chat is best but I think you need to accept that this is probably not going to change. I had the same thing with a friend - she missed lunch and was late for the theatre which I had got tickets for because she had to go with her boyfriend to his dentist appt! I was upset but she didn't feel that she had done anything wrong. I had an honest chat with her but ultimately things didn't change and we drifted apart.

I would be unavailable the next couple of times she wanted to make arrangements and if she asked why I would tell her you can't be sure if her boyfriend will mess up the arrangements again like last time .
Sorry your birthday plans where spoilt.

From the other side’s perspective I sometimes ask my best friend to come over or meet if dh is going out for some company, but that’s not the only time we meet. If it was, that would be different. I don’t mess up her plans though and cut things short.

From the sounds of it this friendship is not going to last much longer if she carrys on as she is. You've nothing to lose by having it out with her.

Ask to meet up and explain to her that you were upset that she had made plans with you and then cut them short to hang out with her boyfriend. Tell her you value her friendship but your not prepared to be picked up and dropped whenever it suits her boyfriend. She'll probably get defensive initially but if she's a friend worth having, once she's had time to think about it, she should realise the way she's been treating you isn't fair.

I've experienced similar. My best friend of 10 years dropped me when she got a boyfriend. I couldn't even have it out with her as she made no effort to see me at all for 2yrs. When they broke up she was all over me like a rash. Well tried to be. The damage was done as far as I was concerned. I'd moved on and she couldnt understand why. I knew if I let her back in she'd only drop me again when she got her next bf. Can't be bothered with 'friends' like that.