My daughters birthday

[dotty12345]

My daughter is a grown up and married and has my two beautiful grandchildren. We are very close, talk mostly daily but live a couple of hours apart. It’s her birthday next week but due to circumstance I have no money at all to buy her a present. AIBU to write her a letter telling her what she means to me? I suffer from anxiety and often channel my daughter to get through stuff. I really don’t know what I’d do without her. She totally understands my situation so expects nothing but I would like to do something. I would also explain I have a son so not to drip feed who is also very loved but definitely would not appreciate a letter from his mum on his birthday (but would equally understand not getting a present) WWYD?

Sounds like a lovely thing to do.

I second that, it would be a wonderful personal tribute to your daughter and worth more than something bought

I guess it depends whether the letter would make her feel that she had to support you even more, or as if she is the only/main support. I think a nice letter describing some of your memories of her as a child and how proud you are of the woman she has become would be nice.

I think a letter like that would mean the world to her.

But perhaps you could also give her the gift of time? Perhaps offer to babysit your grandchildren so she can go out with her partner or some friends or even just have time alone? Or else get her partner to babysit while she joins you for a walk or something to have some mother/daughter time together without the children?

Gifts don't have to cost anything to be of great value!

@should, we mutually support each other, it’s not just her supporting me.

pressed too soon! Why not offer to look after the grandchildren so she has a day to spend as she wishes, or a Childfree evening with her partener

Yes the letter would be lovely and agree with keepservingthedrinks an offer to babysit the kids would go down well I am sure.

@KeepServingTheDrinks, I give her as much of my time as I can, she used to live much closer and I looked after my grandchildren while she worked (when I was not at work)
I speak to my grandchildren many times a week and make sure we rarely go 4 weeks without seeing each other. It was more is it weird/ sad/ tragic to send your daughter a letter for their birthday?

No, dotty, I don't think it's weird, sad OR tragic to send your daughter a letter for her birthday, I'm sure it's something she'll keep and treasure (depending on what you write, of course. If it's "Your' Grate" it would mean a little less than something personal, with examples and stories).

But I'm also suggesting the gift of your time would cost you nothing and be a lovely and generous gift to your daughter, whilst allowing you to spend some time with your GC. So, a win all round, really.

I think it's a beautiful idea & something your daughter will have to cherish forever. Do it!

Yes. Do you have photographs of her childhood available? Could you send her a couple that mean something to you both, good memories of time together?

She'd love a heartfelt letter. Even though she probably knows already how much she means to you there is nothing like seeing it written down, she will always have it to read over.

That sounds a beautiful idea and would mean an awful lot more than a box of chocolates or flowers. I'd love a letter like that from my Mum

I think a heartfelt letter of the type you describe is worth far more than any gift you can buy in the shops - I'm sure your daughter would really appreciate it. And as a grown woman who perhaps knows of your financial situation, your daughter may secretly be wishing you don't buy her anything 😊

It's not the same as my daughter was a teenager at the time but one year I had no money to get her a proper gift at Christmas so I gave her the gold necklace an aunt had given me for my 18th birthday. I gave it to her with a letter telling her how proud her and I were of her, how much we loved her. She appreciated the letter as much as the necklace even as a teen and I am sure your daughter would be equally moved.

My parents are comfortable and buy me lovely, useful gifts.

The gift you suggest would mean more to me than everything combined.

Please do it.