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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you wanted/wished for the life you have now

25 replies

thenettyprofessor · 20/04/2018 20:26

Just that, do you have the lovely life you always wanted or did it go the other way? I did not expect to live other side of the country but here I am regretting it, no friends, no family etc

OP posts:

katmarie · 20/04/2018 20:34

I wanted to get married and have kids for years, but my ex put me off and off and off and eventually I wised up to the fact that he was never going to commit and split after 10 years of him future faking, and basically resigned myself to never having that life.

I'm now with a wonderful man and my 3 month old ds is snuggled on my lap. Dp and I are getting married in a couple of weeks. It's not all perfect, nothing ever is, but I do have everything I ever wanted, and I've never been happier (or more tired lol).

MotherofDinosaurs · 20/04/2018 20:38

I spent years and years having a quite glamorous and exciting life, and enjoying it, but slightly missing something. Now we have our beautiful DS and a fractionally quieter life, but I can blissfully say I have everything I ever wanted.

Titsywoo · 20/04/2018 20:39

I do actually have what I always wanted - lovely DH, 2 kids, nice house in good area, fairly well off. I don't have the career I wanted though but hopefully I can get that in time depending on how DS gets on at secondary this year (he is autistic but is going to mainstream and I'm not sure how it will go!). Like katmarie says though it's not perfect but it's pretty good really!

BitchQueen90 · 20/04/2018 20:39

My life hasn't turned out how I thought it would but I am very happy. The only thing I'd like that I don't have is to be a homeowner (long term renter with no end in sight!) Apart from that I have everything I want and need.

JustSeeingHowManyCharactersWeC · 20/04/2018 20:40

Yes, pretty much perfect to what I dreamed of growing up.

JustSeeingHowManyCharactersWeC · 20/04/2018 20:40

(Although my dream children were better behaved 😂😂😂)

lakehouse · 20/04/2018 20:43

I have everything I could have ever dreamt of...except a second child. I can never moan as everyone thinks my life is perfect. But I really want a second baby.

ibetyoulookgoodonthedancefloor · 20/04/2018 20:45

I never wanted kids when I was younger, I always imagined I'd move away from my hometown for university etc.

I met my first boyfriend at 16, fell pregnant at 17 and now we have just had our 3rd baby. I am looking at changing career path and we are finally in the process of saving deposit for another property away from hometown.

My life is very different to how I imagined it but I wouldn't change it, many ups and downs. I can only think it will get better with time.

parentorguardian · 20/04/2018 20:45

No, I don't have the life I expected but you play the hand you get and I'm happy, healthy and solvent.

I do wish I had a better work life balance and a nicer garden.

RedPandaMama · 20/04/2018 20:46

My life is nothing like I imagined. I hoped to have an arty career and be living in a new city with housemates in my early 20s after finishing uni.

Instead I have an 8 month old daughter, am living in a small Victorian terrace with my partner, we have an adopted senior cat we saved from being put to sleep. I'm starting a part-time job and a part-time master's degree over the next couple of months.

And I've absolutely never been happier. Wouldn't change a single thing. Except I'm still bloody waiting for DP to propose - I would ask him but he said he really wants to.

Peakypush · 20/04/2018 20:47

No I thought my life would be something special and exciting - it's very ordinary and dull it looks good on paper but it's all a bit bleurgh in reality...

CaptainM · 20/04/2018 20:50

Don't have the life I wanted but prefer the one I have now. Fell in love, married and had 2 wonderful dcs, plus career I love, plus own home...then realised that life I had wanted, wasn't bringing me joy. Now, very happily divorced and as we have shared care, I'm realising that I could never have been truly happy without my "me time". I lived on my own from late teenage years and absolutely love my space. Since divorce, I have more time to see my friends, listen to music I love, drive in car alone, read, lie in, go away for long weekends etc. Means I am a much better & fully present mum when I'm with my dcs (definitely more quality time than quantity), a much better friend and definitely more connected with friends & family. Also means work's going great etc. I never imagined this to be the life "happy me" would be living, but no complaints here.

lanbury · 20/04/2018 20:50

Kind of. But I'm swimming against a rising tide to financially maintain it. Money aside, 3o years ago I met the love of my life and that hasn't changed. I adore my DC. I just never reckoned to d have to work quite so hard and take quite so many body blows along the road

MartagonLilies · 20/04/2018 20:53

No, I'm not living the life I thought I would. Not at all

Graduate223 · 20/04/2018 20:58

Not at all. I thought I would be single, arty and carefree, never having much money but enjoying life. I’m married and have more money than I’d dreamed of, but due to unexpected bereavements I don’t feel carefree. Really didn’t imagine this happening.

LeighaJ · 20/04/2018 20:59

Yes, although I had to wait until I'd given up all hope of ever being happy and having the right person I was in love with at 33. Then more years being apart because we lived in different countries.

I didn't know I wanted children until I met him, sometimes it is about meeting the right person.

Mannix · 20/04/2018 21:01

Yes, I have a lovely DH, fab DC and an interesting job. It’s all I ever wanted and I feel really lucky.

chockaholic72 · 20/04/2018 21:02

Not at all. I thought I'd be married with kids, and parents - my own family and an extended one. I didn't get married or have kids, my parents were both dead by the time I was in my early 30's, and a lot of my family have died, so there's really just me and a couple of cousins.

But, I try to embrace it. I travel and mountaineer and cycle, and spend time on my allotment and see my (all married with kids) friends. It makes me sad thinking of it, but like a previous poster said, you play the hand you get. Losing my parents early made me realise that life is so short, and so precious, so I try to make the most of mine.

Tutuye · 20/04/2018 21:03

I had everything I wanted but it was all precarious, on a knife edge at all times and I lived with the constant fear of losing it in a moment and in the end I've had to make the decision to walk away from it, which was very hard :(

CPtart · 20/04/2018 21:14

I have two healthy DC, a great husband and secure job. Nice house, no money worries so reaping the benefits of my efforts. Both my parents are deceased prematurely however, one died at 54 and the other at 69 in an accident last year. That taints everything, but was out of my control.

Ginger1982 · 20/04/2018 21:26

I didn't expect my dad to die when I was 13 but moving on from that...I assumed I'd be married with a couple of kids by 30. Instead it took until I was 35 to have DS and that was through IVF.

Idontdowindows · 20/04/2018 21:29

My life is completely different than I thought it would be and I am very glad for it.

Justanotherzombie · 20/04/2018 21:32

I found a plan I wrote when I was about 10 and I have everything, and in the exact order, I wrote on it that I wanted. I’ve been so lucky.

Peta11 · 20/04/2018 21:35

I sound awfully ungrateful but aside from my beautiful children, no, not at all 😓

HelloHouse · 20/04/2018 22:07

I have a life I never expected to have. I have married an amazing man who makes me happy everyday, I have progressed much further in my career than I ever thought I could (which has given us a degree of financial freedom) I have never wanted kids but have gained three stepchildren who I couldn't be without. We are just about to move to Australia and I never thought I would leave my small town.
Maybe it's a self esteem thing I never thought it was possible to be this happy, but I do sometimes feel like I'm waiting for it all to come crashing down

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