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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I should give up caring?

2 replies

TheDeuteragonist · 20/04/2018 18:27

My DM is a big drinker. She would probably be classed as a high-functioning alcoholic as she has a full time job, and doesn't drink in the day.

She has a myriad of health problems and the latest one has reared it's head. It is not a life threatening health problem but is very painful and she is currently off work because of it.

I have been checking in with her everyday by texting and calling her. As she is off she is beginning to drink quite early in the day. I live 60 minute drive away and work full time and have DC so cannot be physically with her every day but we go at the weekends where possible.

She will often message me saying she is in so much pain she is in tears. I try and support her the best I can. She complains that my DF isn't interested and doesn't help her around the house. This is true, DF has a well paid job but with that comes responsibility and he's often travelling/in meetings etc. He's out of the house from early till v late.

I've told DM she should get a cleaner to help her, they can afford it and it would be a great help but DM says shes embarrassed at the state of the house (which is really not bad at all).

Anyway, last night she was texting me throughout the evening and we spoke on the phone. About 10pm she text to say she was having trouble breathing and DF was downstairs ignoring her. She said she needed an ambulance. I called, she was drunk, I asked her how she was feeling and she said she was ok and that DF was now with her.

Then at nearly 1am she text saying she had called an ambulance for herself and DF wouldn't wake, he was too deeply asleep. I didn't read this until 4am this morning when I happened to wake. I replied asking what was going on but had nothing back.

This morning before work I text DM and DF asking if everything was okay. DM replied that everything was fine and DF read it but never replied. I've since tried calling and texting DM with no answer and DSis as well but no answer.

AIBU to think this is just not fair? I'm full of worry for her and no one can let me know that they're okay or what's happening! In so sick of being the person who is ranted to and then just dropped. It's so unfair to tell someone you're so ill you're calling an ambulance and then go silent.

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 20/04/2018 18:30

I think a chat with DF is in order - how much of this is he aware of?

TheDeuteragonist · 20/04/2018 18:35

Their relationship is tumultuous for many reasons. She is not backwards in coming forwards and they argue a lot.

He sticks his head in the sand a lot of the time. He is busy with work and that is his priority a lot of the time and I get that as it's what his career is built on.

I feel for DM as she is so neglected by him sometimes but on the flip side her drinking means she will not go out very often and prefers to sit in the house drinking. If DF sits down at home he falls asleep. Which is annoying but I know how hard he works.

OP posts:
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