To be so worried about my sister?

[worriedbigsister18]

NC for privacy. Hoping someone can reassure me/help me help my baby sister!

My sister is 18. She was diagnosed with autism as a small child and is really struggling with it just recently. She self harms (doesn’t cut but she does bang her head against walls, pinches herself amongst other not very nice things)

She regularly posts vague but worrying things on social media, e.g. “I hate being autistic, why can’t I be fucking normal, I hate looking in the mirror, I am disgusting” it breaks my fucking heart.

My DF is becoming increasingly worried for her but she won’t let him or my DSM in, I’ve tried talking to her and so has my DP but she fobs us all off with an “I don’t want to talk about it”. What can we do

The other thing I’m worried about is that she’s 18 and has shown no real signs of puberty yet; she hasn’t started her periods, she has barely any body hair and her breasts haven’t started to grow yet. Her body shape is still very childlike. Can any late bloomers give me some reassurance here please? She will absolutely not go to the doctors because she’s terrified of needles. Sedatives don’t work on her (doctors have tried and failed to sedate her for various things as a child)

Handhold please if nothing else

It may be worth posting this in the Special Needs part of the forum.

There are some very knowledgable people there who may be able to answer your question better than anyone else.

Posted here for the traffic because I’m so worried about her I don’t think she’d do anything to cause any real harm to herself but I hate that she even feels like that at all.

Could you offer to go with her to the doctors? An initial chat shouldn’t involve any needles and presumably she would have to consent anyway. She may be anxious about the delayed puberty which could contribute to feeling ‘not normal’. It does need medical attention as could be due to an underlying issue. My daughter has Turner Syndrome and may not begin pubery spontaneously but it can be treated. The doctor may also be able to help if she is feeling depressed. Best wishes x

Hi OP, sorry to hear that your sister is struggling. I'm not autistic but some of my family are and it seems that autism and other MH challenges like depression often go together. I don't have any advice on persuading your sister to get to a healthcare practitioner, though perhaps CBT (talking therapy) may be helpful? Take a look at the National Autistic Society's resources too - Judith Gould has done a lot of work with women and girls on the spectrum and the NAS may be able to provide some support for your family (as they did for ours when we were in crisis).

If your DSis is active on social media she may like to take a look at the #actuallyautistic hashtag on twitter where lots of autistic adults tweet about their lives and experiences. There are also some fantastic autistic authors out there, e.g. Rachael Lucas who writes YA novels - The State of Grace is about an autistic teen girl and it might give your DSis someone to identify with.

Obviously every person with autism is different, but my DS has severe autism and he bangs against hard floors/furniture/walls and bites himself. and I've never seen it as self harm - he does it to try and alleviate sensory overload he is experiencing. It's like having a terrible itch that needs to be scratched. I don't necessarily think the GP would be able to help much unless they have a lot of experience with ASD - we have found that the majority of doctors/nurses, etc - have very little knowledge of ASD and some have been downright ignorant (attitude wise as well as knowledge wise). We have received more support and gained so much knowledge from my son's specialist school and from online forums. Are there any support groups in your area? There are more being set up these days: sometimes sharing info with other families can be very helpful.

Is she feeling very lonely and isolated? Very, very common for teens on the spectrum. My daughter is younger but has similar behaviour and it links to her feelings of rejection, being different and unable to find friends. I'm in Oz so not able to be much help but maybe try the National Autistic Society in the UK and ask about ways they help teens make connections via social groups? Good on you for wanting to help her. You must be a lovely sister and a big support for her.