To get so irritated by constant, banal texting?

[Saminsachs]

So, I live in a foreign country, have done for about six years now, and my mother and brother message me constantly, I would say obsessively.

First thing in the morning, as soon as they wake up (7/8 am), I have a text from each of them (they live separately btw), saying good morning and asking how I am, so I reply something like 'yep, fine thanks, hope you're ok' and then two seconds later, they'll send me messages minutes long (always voice messages) describing how they are, what the weather's like, what their plans are for the day etc etc etc, and then always leave with a question, which I'll reply to, but never ask a question back.

Then, like an hour later, they message again asking how I am, what I'm up to, what I'm having for dinner etc etc etc - it is absolutely constant. I never reply straight away, because I have things to do and also because I don't want to be 'always available', but then if I don't reply within say an hour, they'll be like 'Are you ok???'

Aaaargh, it's so so annoying! And boring, boring conversation.

How do I broach the subject...how do I ask them not to message me so much, without offending them?

And...AIBU?

Thanks :)

You say, "No offence, but please stop messaging me constantly".

End of, hopefully.

how have you lived with this for so long without murdering them saying something?

Do they/you not work? How is there that much to say to another person so often? Or the time?

iffy has it right though

Oooh the voice messages would drive me mad! I would tell them (as I did when DM used to leave me voicemails all the time) that that feature on my phone wasn't working, better to text. And deny all knowledge.

They get it surprisingly fast.

Would drive me utterly bonkers. My ex was like this, just a constant bombardment while I was at work. Exhausting and utterly banal.

Think I'd just ignore them for 8/9 hours then reply with "good god I was at work. hope you're well."

Would arranging a weekly phone / skype call help? Establish a routine and hint that as much as you feel nice to be thought about, you would really rather concentrate on the day job.

I have a friend that does this. It’s drainng. I get constant pictures of her son. I sometimes like my own kids, I really don’t care enough about other people’s to want random pictures of them sent to me. I ignored the last one and then the next time I saw her she said in a passing sort of way, that she sent a picture of her son doing something ‘funny’ (read as not particularly out of the ordinary or cute) but didn’t think it got through

Mute the conversation I'd say and only read or listen when you have the time. Ask them not to do voice messages as you are rarely in a position to listen to them.

You could, for a little while, do an auto-reply to their voice messages with something like "out of range for voice, please send a text"

Mute the conversations and only ever look at or listen to them when you have time to respond.
This is what I do. Keep my phone off unless im actually expecting a call or need it for something.
Mute messenger unless im actually sitting down to look at messenger in the evening.
You just have to decide what your limits will be and stick to them. They will soon get the idea of when and what you will respond to.
You are not being unreasonable.

Yes, they both work and I do too, but I have the internet on my phone as I use whatsapp to communicate with work colleagues and for my daughters school...that kind of thing. And so if they see that I'm online, or was last online a few minutes ago, and I haven't replied to their messages, then they'll even write 'Everything ok???'

I'll reply quickly 'yup, fine, just really busy' but then they'll reply again, always, always, with a question. Always wanting to know what I'm having for dinner, how my day is going, literally hour by hour and then when they go to bed they'll message me to say goodnight.

If I ignore, they'll bombard me, and 'worry'. But it's just so so aggravating! Once a week (even once a month ;) ) would be fine with me - not once or more an hour!

I just know that they'll both be offended if I say something. They know I've been online, or seen, or ignored, or read the message and I can tell that they're waiting for a response, as, when I do reply, they read it straight away.

I think the banality of it gets to me, and the pointlessness. It's needy and annoying and it's this massive pressure and I just want them to stop.

And if you reply with "can't talk, at work" all the time? Does that stop them? Just no other replies during the day except that?

No - that doesn't work. They'll see that I'm online, or have been, and will write 'Hello!!!' or a zillion other things.

It is constant. Like I say, if I ignore, they'll apparently be worried, or send me question marks, or call me, or send an sms rather than a whatsapp message.

Ooh, maybe I can turn off the feature where it says when I was last online...just thinking out loud. That would be a start at least. I can't take any more of this!

I like banal texts but I sympathise. I have a few friends on maternity leave who bombard me a bit with messages and photos every time their child breathes. It can get a bit much but I don’t say anything.

Yeah, I would mute their conversation in WA and turn off your online notification. That will help at least with some of it.

this would drive me bonkers.

you say they both work but i'm assuming they don't work in an environment where it's a problem (are they hiring?!). can you imagine if you were a teacher or a receptionist and constantly on your phone because you felt pressure to reply?

it's not sustainable or reasonable of them.

you need to tackle it, or take a more cowardly way out like say you've been pulled up at work because you're spending too much time on your phone dealing with personal issues. so you're not going to be as available during working hours.
and then stop replying until it suits YOU. DO NOT GIVE IN.

Or ask work for a work phone. then leave yours at home during the day (tell them, but put it on silent in your bag or the setting that only allows specific numbers to ring, like your DH, in case of emergencies).

here we go OP ccm.net/faq/33009-how-to-appear-offline-on-whatsapp

You can switch off the functionality that shows if you are online.

I often let my messages flash up as a notification but don't open unless urgent. This stops it from showing up as read while allowing me to not worry about missing an emergency. Some are totally muted though due to constant drivel.

Could you make up a social media version of Dry January? Something where you are only allowed, say, half an hour of SM a day. Combine this fakery with hiding your status and in a month's time it might have broken their habit (or you could claim it was so brilliant you are sticking to it).

Or - another option OP - tell your brother and mum that your phone screen was smashed and it's being repaired (dropped off after work and not picked up for a couple of days). so call landline or work if an emergency i.e. major illness. it may help you break the cycle of them feeling like you're there all the bloody time (as if you haven't got enough things to be doing at work!)

Yanbu - I'm getting umpteen banal 'how are you?' Texts a day from various people as I'm heavily pregnant. If I've got news, people will get it.

Definitely switch off the "last seen" function on Whatsapp, it just creates expectation and anxiety, don't see the point in it. Then just stop answering every time. People get the idea eventually.

Also, be a little forgiving. Maybe they genuinely miss you.

Thanks for your advice :)

I've switched off the last seen function...100% sure they're going to ask why!

And I've also figured out how to mute messages from them...so I'll only get the 'ding' now when it's from people who aren't them...I feel a huge surge of relief already!

Will just have to get into a routine of only replying once or twice a day, change tactics!

Will see how long before they phone Interpol!

How is it going OP?