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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be exhausted?!

8 replies

KateGrey · 19/04/2018 17:45

I have three kids aged 10, 9 and 5. My eldest and youngest both have autism. My youngest is quite severe (non verbal) and only does a few hours in the morning at mainstream sch (awaiting a move to a Sen provision). It has been horrible (even the professionals going in have said the way my dc is treated is awful). I handle all paperwork, appointments and stuff in the house. My youngest isn’t allowed into school at the same time as other kids (sch don’t want potential complaints) so my parents take my older kids. My youngest has only just started sleeping through. I recently took a job 15-20 hours a week at home as I’ve spent years listening to my mother nag about how I’m wasting my degree (I had to stop working because of my eldest). Some days I feel so low like I’m walking through treacle. I’ve tried to say to my mum it’s hard having two kids with disabilities and she just mentions how I should be cooking more and cleaning more. I feel like I could run away (but I don’t want to leave my kids). But is it unreasonable to be exhausted? My husband has two evenings out a week and does his sport Saturday morning. So I’m doing my best to accomodate him. But it frustrates me that my mum doesn’t get how hard it is. Friends have deserted me. And the situation with the school has been incredibly emotionally draining (they’ve blocked people from going in to help). The youngest also has severe allergies so we have to be very careful with food along with a very restrictive diet. I don’t tend to take time away from the other kids as to be honest I feel so low and lacking in energy. I’m generally quite a quiet person. When I was younger if my opinion didn’t match my mother’s it was disregarded or wasn’t seen as important. So I’ve become very closed off and don’t tend to show my emotions a lot as I suppose I felt like I was punished because of them. In part I feel like a rubbish mum. That I’m not doing enough with my kids I just feel emotionally exhausted.

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 19/04/2018 17:50

Flowers OP.
You are definitely not a rubbish mum. You have a heck of a lot on your plate?!
Does your husband help you with the kids at all and with the chores? Have you spoken to the LA about school's treatment and lack of provision?

Aquamarine1029 · 19/04/2018 17:51

Tell you mother to keep her far mouth shut and her ignorant opinions to herself. Next, turn to your husband and tell him he can stop taking the piss and focus on you and children. Don't ask for "help", demand that he lives up to his responsibilities.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/04/2018 17:52

Sorry, I meant FAT MOUTH. The one your mother has.

formerbabe · 19/04/2018 17:52

That sounds completely and utterly exhausting. You deserve a medal plus Flowers WineCakeBrewGin

LimonViola · 19/04/2018 17:54

YANBU at all! Part of being an adult is acknowledging that your mum can have whatever views she likes, you don't have to listen to or act on them. And if she continues to share upsetting views when you've asked her to stop, learning to walk away for your own sake.

Why do the school thing there'll be complaints if your child mixes with other kids?

You sound exhausted, I don't see how you can continue like this indefinitely. Husband gets two nights and a weekend morning free every week, which two nights and weekend morning do you take for yourself to go out alone and get some breathing space? And what do you do with that time?

Maria1982 · 19/04/2018 17:55

Your mother is massively unhelpful and frankly should shut up. If she can’t or won’t I suggest you do your best to tune her out.

You are most definitely absolutely not a bad Mum. That’s an absolute mountain of stuff you’ve got going on, and you do your best for your kids everyday without a break.

Haberpop · 19/04/2018 17:55

Do you get two evenings 'off' a week? You don't sound like a rubbish mum but you do sound like an exhausted one, do you get any help at all?

laurzj82 · 19/04/2018 18:24

YANBU in the slightest! I only have one child who also has autism and I am constantly knackered Flowers

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