To be at my wits end with relatives skitzophrenia

[Foreverthinking]

Relative of mine has paranoid skitzophrenia and after being well for many years with no psych admissions they seem to be relapsing as they stopped taking their meds.

Concerned I contacted their MH support worker multiple times and was assured they are aware, relative is being supported and is back on meds. Slight improvement for a week and then downhill again. I've made them doctors appointments that they refused to come to, tried talking to them, tried everything.

I get calls and texts at all hours, rambling voicemails and requests that I cannot and will not comply with. For example: helping them write letters to parliament, BBC news, contacting people I've never heard of in my life, requests to find my mother a job (she's an elderly woman might I add who has worked all of her life and is now running herself ragged doing everything for this member of the family). I've blocked their number but the voicemails keep coming, it's making me anxious and I'm worried about the effect it's having on my mother who is exhausted and worried sick. My mother does absolutely everything for them, the shopping, the housework, she never gets a day to herself and she's an old lady now.

They lie compulsively when they aren't well and today they claimed that they "almost dropped dead and died" in the hospital the other day which I have found out to be a lie. Of course the first thing mother did when she heard this was cry.

It's all very stressful and all consuming and I feel heartless to be feeling this way but I've been there for them in every way I could be over the years, I just feel out of my depth now and really want them to leave me be for a while until they are better and stop worrying my mum. I know mental illness isn't something people choose (I have GAD myself so I'm the furthest from judgemental) but the impact this is having on others can't be ignored.

Aibu to feel like this? I feel horrible

I understand completely it must be a strain.

You could completely change your phone number and not give them it. It really is up to your mum to set her own boundaries with what she does though, she is an adult it also depends on who the person is to her. If it were my husband,.sibling or child id like do the same as she is.

It's my mother's younger sister, there's a fair few years between them

YANBU at all, I get paid to work with people with severe and enduring mental health issues and there are times I feel like I am drowning- and I have colleagues to support me and supervision to access and the knowledge that my day will end and I will go home. I have immense sympathy for what the families and friends of many unwell people go through, and anger that the support they need isn't there.

You don't have to do anything, it is not your responsibility, and it is entirely reasonable and OK not to have contact with her.

Yanbu for feeling that way or for not wanting anything to do with her. She's not your responsibility.

My older brother has it and when he's poorly it's honestly exhausting and at times I think about just walking away and washing my hands of him. Unfortunately I'm his only family, so I have to put up with him.

He had 10 years of leading normal life on his meds but hes replapsed twice in the past 18 months. He's currently been sectioned for the second time because he stopped taking his meds.

I have to keep telling myself he can't help it and doesn't want to be this way. I try and put myself in his position and think how hard it must be.

Sadly there is little support for families of mentally ill people and we are just left to it.

Sounds rough, and horrible that you can see the toll it's having on your mum too. Like mostdays I work in a rehab & recovery unit with people with forensic and complex needs profiles...and at least I can walk away at the end of the shift. I echo what others have said - it isnt your responability, and for that matter - it isnt your mum's either. When is her next care review?- could you attend? and state your concerns for her wellbeing, and your mum. Really a more comprehensive care package should be in place - it isnt down to your mum to carry the load on a daily / frequent basis..and the fact that she does (and I understand why) might be masking just how much support your aunt needs to function.

Thank you for the kind replies I've gotten so far. I was worried I would be flamed for coming across as selfish.

I'm not sure when her next review is and I don't think she would tell me if I asked either, she gets standoffish about her MH when she's like this. I could ask her community care support worker.

Many years ago when I was a child I remember a particular episode where she tried to attack my mother with cutlery from her kitchen, she's not been known to be violent like that for a very long time but that fear is still always there isn't it.

I don't like going round there when she's like this and I don't like her to be around my DC, so I try to do as much as I can from a distance. Helping arrange appointments. Communicating with her MH team, speaking to her on the phone when she calls, calling her to check on her when she doesn't.

She says she stopped her meds because they were giving her heart failure, they wasn't :(

I think the only people who would flame you are those whose opinion is based I'm well intentioned idealism with not a shred of actual experience. Yanbu at all, op, it can be utterly exhausting dealing with this sort of issue.

It most definitely is exhausting. I feel like washing my hands of it all but then I'll still be worried about my mum so it's a no win situation really

Could you contact your local authority adult safeguarding team and ask for advice? Sounds like your aunt is a risk to both herself and your DM, who herself could do with some increased support by the sound of things.

I think I will take that on board yes, monitoring her is far beyond our capabilities

Well I spoke with my mother this morning and she tells me my aunt is wanting to voluntarily admit herself into hospital, very relieved as she can get the support she needs and give mum a break

Let's hope that they will take her. They need to stabilise her meds and then she needs to take them when she is back at home.
It's an exhausting cycle, I hope things get better for you and your mum and of course your aunt.

They didn't take her in, instead putting in place more intensive community support where she's visited at home more often. We're shocked about this, as she's definitely relapsing. I've been speaking to my mum and her dh this evening and was told that she's cut off almost all of her hair and was being aggressive to a staff member over the telephone