3 YO is really fussy

[fluffycorn]

SD 3 only eats chicken nuggets and chips
her BM has told OH to ensure he feeds her this.
I suggested trying her with some homemade pasta last weekend but she was having none of it so OH gave her what she wanted.

I am really torn on what to do - on one hand shes not my child and I am not going to be the one to cause any arguments between OH and BM - the whole thing gets volatile enough without me sticking my 2 cents in - but on other hand surely its not even remotely healthy to literally ONLY eat this.

She will eat coco pops in the mornings but wont finish it.

I dont have kids of my own so genuinely have no idea what to do!

Please dont kick off at me either, Im really not here to be an interfering SM - OH is clueless and I just want to help him out and figured I would ask you mums what you would suggest.

TIA

You have a genuine concern for the child, but are powerless to do anything about it. My only advice I can give is to be relaxed about food around her. Even at 3 there are power struggles going on in her mind. Eating the same food that she has at home is comforting and reassuring for her when she is in a stressful situation.

My Dil would be very upset, when she had gone to a lot of trouble for my GCs (my son’s children from his first marriage). However she did realise that the children were struggling with the differences in the two homes, and just went with the flow. They are adult now and have a good relationship with her. I have so much admiration for her, in the way she changed her life to accommodate the children. They did not always make it easy for her and I have watched her bite her tongue on many occasions.

Being is step-parent is hard enough without fighting battles you will never win.

This is extreme fussiness. Does she eat no veg or fruit at all?

I have a fairly fussy son who only has about 5 or 6 meals he will eat and I know people judge me for pandering but HE IS small and slight and I want to cook a meal.I know he will eat. I don't think I would be prepared to cook him the same thing every night though!

Maybe you could try accompanying the chicken nuggets and chips with some different things, baked beans, peas, carrots etc. And maybe you could try introducing a fairly healthy pudding with some fruit or some dairy in it.

Your DP may be clueless but he must know that his daughter can't be healthy on this diet. I would suggest he persevered with different foods but does it gradually.

Sorry i meant to say he is her father and has every right to try whatever food he wants with his daughter (as long as he knows about all allergies etc.) You need to encourage him to see himself as responsible too and not just fall in line with what her mother says. He is not a babysitter, he is a parent.

Can you give her the nuggets and chips but put a small bit of what you are eating in a bowl next to it "incase she wants some". Don't force her to try it but do this every meal and just talk yourselves about how much you're enjoying it?

There's little you can actively do without both parents permission/ involvement but please have a really good look at this site, all the pages etc and perhaps share it with both parents.

The most important thing is not being a pressure as it can make things worse. I do find the putting pudding out also difficult but we came to it late and ds would have pud after even if it was on the table!

That is extremely fussy but it can happen. Are there any other concerns about her?

www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/

Forgot link

Don't forget food fussy issues can often about control (as well as they just like to stick to what they know). If she feels any lack of control (eg from parents break up, contact etc), this is how she may be reacting.