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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Travelling with children - differently surname

20 replies

LoveInTokyo · 19/04/2018 10:35

Posting for traffic.

If your kids have their father’s surname and you don’t, is it difficult to travel abroad with them without their father?

Would the situation be different/worse if your kids were travelling on passports from another country and had foreign (non-English) birth certificates?

Thanks.

OP posts:

Original poster

LoveInTokyo · 19/04/2018 10:37

(Sorry for the weird typo in the thread title!)

OP posts:

HeyMacWey · 19/04/2018 10:44

Take their birth certificates with you and a letter from their father.

My Dc's and I got stopped coming back to the UK and that was the advice border control gave us. We all have UK passports though.

It might be tricky if you have to go through different channels when you arrive in a country - ie UK /eu/International.

Trinity66 · 19/04/2018 10:48

No, myself and my daughter have a different surname and it was never an issue

CindyLouWhoo · 19/04/2018 10:51

I've travelled alone with my two and my stepkids. I don't have the same surname as them nor am I British. No one batted an eye. I should have had a letter from DH but I completely forgot (several times!).

Buster72 · 19/04/2018 10:51

Depends where you go. South Africa currently has a strict policy about parents travelling with children without both mother and father in attendance.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 19/04/2018 10:54

I have a different surname and my kids are mixed race. We bring their birth certificates and this family registry thingy that my husband's country has, it's never been a big issue.

I so want to double-barrel their names, but my husband's country doesn't allow it and it's really complicated to have different names on their different passports.

Original poster

LoveInTokyo · 19/04/2018 10:56

My issue that birth certificates is that in each case I would need a translation as well.

Just trying to work out whether it is worth getting my husband’s surname added to my passport alongside my maiden name.

Seems like quite a lot of hassle now but if travelling alone with kids is going to be an issue (which is something I will probably do quite regularly taking them to see my parents) then it might be worth it now to prevent even more hassle later.

OP posts:

ThymeLord · 19/04/2018 10:57

My daughter went on holiday with my sister and her family last year so obviously different surnames. Sister took a copy of daughter's birth certificate and I wrote a letter which I copied from a template online. There are lots of them available for free. I think I just googled "consent to travel" or something. They weren't stopped leaving the country, but were stopped at Heathrow on the way back in.

Theknacktoflying · 19/04/2018 10:59

Wouldn’t this be something you could have put in observations section next time you apply for passports for them.
A letter from dad and birth certs should be fine...

Original poster

LoveInTokyo · 19/04/2018 11:01

Are fathers travelling alone with their kids ever asked whether they have a letter from the mother confirming that he has permission to take them abroad?

OP posts:

TheHulksPurplePants · 19/04/2018 11:07

Never had an issue and travelled quite a lot with my 2. In many cultures women don't take the husbands last name so I don't think having a different surname is that unusual. I think a man is more likely to be stopped if his surname is different than the childs.

Theknacktoflying · 19/04/2018 11:08

Tokyo - yes
Sorry ... it would be a comment made in the observations section of your passport ...

NameChanger22 · 19/04/2018 11:16

We've traveled abroad most years and it's never been a problem. I've always carried DD's birth certificate and only been asked for it once; just last year on arrival in the UK. I told the official that it was sexist and unnecessary to ask for it and he laughed.

SuitedandBooted · 19/04/2018 11:29

DH and I are married, but I didn't change my name, and our children have mine, not his (as it is nicer!)
He has been stopped at passport control with them, (when I was joining them later), and I had to vouch for him, and sort it out.

Carrying the birth certificates, and a notarised translation might be acceptable for you? I think you will need official advice on this.

Aretoo · 19/04/2018 11:40

I have had completely the opposite experience and have had issues of large proportions. Different surnames and different nationalities. Not being allowed to board planes until husband has been called etc.. USA was a nightmare, made me feel almost like a kidnapper !, I'm originally from the UK so I have no idea why they were so !!??
Then ( 13 years ago) I was told by a friendly passport chap to do this-
Every time I travel alone with my kids I download a travel with minors form from my country's government website, fill it in, husband signs it provides a copy of his passport/travel document. If my husband travels with the kids, same surname, same nationality he still has to fill in this form and I sign. It's a requirement where we live.
We travel around the world due to work commitments so this is an easy way of making sure we don't have an issues at all.. Plus I don't need to travel with 3 birth certs, marriage cert etc etc..
My kids are almost of an age where they are not minors anymore so we're nearly done now.

Different countries have different protocols, UK is pretty easy compared to where I've been and come from.

I think it's also partly luck, I know loads of people who have no issues and then others that have problems all the time..

UpSideDownBrain · 19/04/2018 12:17

I have a different surname to my kids, but they both have my surname as a middle name (not double barrelled) so I've never had a problem.

freshstart24 · 19/04/2018 12:24

I ah e different surname to DC and have been stopped both going in and out of the UK several times.

A copy of their birth certificate has been sufficient. Plus one time at customs at Dover a customs officer asked me to wake DC up so she cools ask of I was their mum...

I have a similar question: I'm taking a friend of DS's to France on ferry this summer. What should I take to satisfy authorities that I have permission to do so?

BalloonFlowers · 19/04/2018 12:33

I have the same surname as my kids. It hasnt prevented me, and them, being questioned about who we all are, where DH /Daddy is, and what/why we are going places.

So, whilst it might prevent some questions at some boarders, having the same surname won't prevent all questioning. Can you get a certified copy of a translated certificate, and a certified letter from the father giving you freedom to take the kids abroad without him?

swingofthings · 19/04/2018 12:37

It depends on the age of your kids. Border control are more concerned with little kids. Mine had a different surname to me and despite travelling many times a year, I was only once questioned about their dad. Usually, they just scrutinised our passports a bit more carefully, called the kids by their names to see if they reacted (which do the accent, my DS didn't always turned at his head at the sound of his name) and that's that.

When they got older, I did manage to get my name added to their passport as 'also known as' which you could do on their foreign passports. I think that really helped.

Then they got British passports in their names only, so different nationality and different surnames, but by then they were over 12yo and it's never been questioned, even though they don't look a bit like me!

fflonkl · 19/04/2018 12:38

I don't have the same nationality or surname to our DDs and frequently travel without DH (or birth certs / permission letters). Not been stopped anywhere though now that DD1 is 5 she does get asked innocent sounding questions that I KNOW are meant to flag up any issues.

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