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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about this household stuff?

5 replies

Janel85 · 19/04/2018 08:13

I have a 3-year-old at home all the time (aside from six hours at playschool across two days) and a five-year-old in school. My house is never perfect (most days it’s relatively tidy) but everyone gets fed and clothed and is happy, accept my husband that is. This week my daughter has been off with a sick bug, she was sick four times overnight on Tuesday and woke up several times in addition to that. Yesterday I was exhausted and felt like a zombie, I did things round the house like scraping sick off of pillow cases and sheets so they could be washed, detailing the sick bin, loading the dishwasher and running the vaccum round etc. This morning husband is downstairs before work passively aggressively slamming around extra noisily as he fills the dishwasher from last nights evening meal before he goes to work, it’s two minutes past seven, I say to him to leave it because I can get it all done today and he starts saying I’ve got half an hour before work I’m doing it, walks past me in the hall and glares at me like I am something on the bottom of his shoe. He goes upstairs to get dressed and shirtly asks if I have seen any boxers (there aren’t any in his wardrobe) I go and get some from the clean pile on top of the tumble drier, he takes them off me without a word still in a major huff, “you’re welcome” I say “thanks” he says sarcastically. Then asks me for a shirt, he is standing in front of about six shirt size hung up in front of him, but these aren’t the right shirts! He doesn’t have a clean shirt that’s right! One of them is pink! He can’t be expected to wear a pink shirt to an important meeting, I say could you not have mentioned that yesterday? He starts muttering about the frustration of not having clean boxers in the draw and the right shirt. I flip, at this point, I’m exhausted I haven’t even had time for a shower for about three days, I smell, I think he should put on the clean pink shirt be happy with the cleaner boxers that were shocking on top of the tumble drier instead of in his drawer and just shut the f**k up. We have a row and in a moment of unbridled rage I shout that he is “crazy” the children are in ear shot, and oh how he clings to this comment “how dare” I say that in front of the children, which yeah I guess he is right but I feel like there’s a lot worse I could have called him. I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable. Yes domestic standards could be better, but this is not a normal week and we have two young children, it is so rare that I get a decent nights sleep, literally as soon as I wake in the morning he expects me to jump into action like a robotic housework droid.

OP posts:
4seasons · 19/04/2018 08:24

And this is why he needs to spend more time ( alone , without your support ) looking after his two children..... you know , the ones he was happy enough to make. After he’s done this you could take a pen and clipboard and show him your notes re jobs not completed etc.

If he knew he had an important meeting why didn’t this man - child get his own stuff ready the night before. You’re his wife , not his staff .

MorningsEleven · 19/04/2018 08:29

He can fuck off with that attitude.

Fishface77 · 19/04/2018 08:37

He thinks your his sub ordinate.
Nip that shit in the bud.
Go on strike and see how much actually gets done.

ReanimatedSGB · 19/04/2018 08:43

How much domestic work does he actually do? How much time does he spend with DC on his own? If the answer to both is 'none because he has decided that's your job' then it's time to start looking into the practical aspects of ending this marriage. You cannot sustain a relationship with a man who thinks he is your overlord and that a woman is a household appliance he can stick his dick in.

Janel85 · 19/04/2018 08:53

I’ll be fair to him, I don’t particularly feel like it after this morning, but he does do lots around the house, I don’t want him to anything because he resents doing anything, he goes around like a swarm of angry bees picking up what he sees as my slack. He’s ruined about four of my daughter’s brand new tops by Just going round like a hurricane angrily washing and tidying without stopping for a second to even find clothes of a similar colour for a load. Basically he has real ocd, he isn’t a person who can ever sit down and relax and he gets a right cob on about not everything being perfect all the time.

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