DM's birthday

[Squashpocket]

I'm typically a bit of a pushover about stuff like this, so feeling guilty and wondering if I'm straying into unreasonable territory.

It's my DM's milestone birthday in June. I have a toddler DC and am due to give birth to DC2 two weeks before her birthday.

She initially said she would have a posh evening birthday meal out somewhere with DF and friends and she and I would go for afternoon tea separately (with new baby) on a day my toddler is in nursery. Great, perfect.

She's now decided she would prefer to have a posh Sunday lunch with DF and her friends and me, my DH and 2DC are to come. I really hate this idea - toddler wont sit still so DH won't get to sit down either, DMs friends are all older, no small children and I'm sure would much prefer a quiet child free meal and I'm feeling stressed about having to manage breastfeeding a newborn in a posh restaurant in front of all my parents oldest friends.

I want to say 'no, let's stick with the afternoon tea plan', but really it's just one afternoon and it's my DMs birthday, so perhaps I should just suck it up. AIBU?

Leave them to their lunch. That should have read.

We had similar. Big family event when my parents booked a hotel for all the family with an evening meal , a breakfast and then a lunch with family friends added. We had to drive 4 hours each way to get to the hotel in a town we all grew up in. Had a very lively 24 months old and a 4 week old who screamed and projectile vomited. My parents paid for everything and the hotel was beautiful. But they hadn't thought to book a cot for either child so we had the huge, kicking two year old in the bed and the baby waking every half hour in the pram. My mother (who had 4 children and 9 grandchildren) said she didn't think we needed cots for one night! One other sister had two toddlers who were up all night and she ordered breakfast in the room which made her very unpopular with my parents My baby managed to puke down my aunt's back and wee on another sister's lilac silk blouse. So nobody would hold him and he grizzled throughout the meals. My husband tried to contain our 2 year old and I walked up and down the corridor trying to make the baby sleep. When I eventually sat down to eat, holding the baby, he kicked a water glass over and my lunch was swimming in cold water. Nobody even noticed and I just sat there holding him and thinking that I would never, ever cope with two children. Such a low point. Then, miraculously, the baby and the toddler fell asleep and without saying a word a lovely waiter presented me with a new plate of hot food. My parents were totally oblivious of any problems. My Mum had spent all morning in the spa and having her hair done. She looked radiant and so,so happy to have all the grandchildren there to show her friends. That was six months before she was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer. She lived for several years but was never well enough to go to a restaurant or hotel with us altogether. We had lovely big meals at home but nothing special like this.In all the photos we look blissfully happy and she genuinely was. The waiter's kindness is something I often think about when I see parents struggling with young children. At the time, I thought I was in the worst place but now I am so glad that we all got be together and I cherish the photo of my mum that day. As other posters say, if you can go, suck it up. You might enjoy it and it is a big day for her. Incidentally , my baby projectile vomited every day until he was one and then turned into the most laid back, happy child. And we went on to have another one. There is hope after those early days of babyhood!

I'd stick to your guns over the afternoon tea. You know her plan won't work out. It won't be a happy and relaxed time for you, dh or your toddler.