Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH groping

37 replies

Trapped19 · 18/04/2018 19:21

We are separating and unfortunately still living together until I find a place to rent, I think in about 6 months time. It was ok living together in the beginning but it’s really difficult now, I can’t take it anymore. Every time he’s near me he has to grope my boobs or bum. I just feel like a piece of meat when he’s groping me, squeezing my boobs and bum. I’ve shouted at him and told him firmly I don’t like it and he should stop, he keeps saying he knows it’s wrong but says he can’t help himself because he finds me attractive . I can’t walk past him in the house without him groping me, it’s gone to the point now where I can’t even bend down to pick something up without him touching my bum. It doesn’t help either that he’s home all and I mean ALL DAY, he doesn’t work at the moment and I work from home. He will also try and hug me, even though I’m pulling away to avoid his kiss he will still continue to kiss and hug me. He has twice held my face between his hands so I couldn’t move even though I was trying and forced a kiss. I have no where to go and I feel so trapped and sad, I don’t know how much longer I can live like this. He does it in front of the children aswell. Not an hour goes by that he doesn’t touch me. I’m at the end of my tether , I can’t take this anymore .

OP posts:
Slowtrain2dawn · 18/04/2018 21:34

It sounds like he is abusing you to assert power. That shows a dangerous mindset. He does it in front of the children so you can’t make a fuss. Together with the fact he blames you for the relationship ending this is a situation you should definitely get out of sooner, it’s abusive and although on the surface he has agreed to separate his actions are saying “you’re mine and I’ll do what I want”. I think you should get advice from women’s aid to plan a safe exit without him knowing.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 18/04/2018 21:41

Is there any way you could move out sooner OP? Any friends or family who would put you up? He is sexually assaulting you in front of your children, you can't tolerate that for 6 months.
If there is no one you can stay with I would speak to Women's Aid. I would have thought that the council would have a responsibility to house you if you are fleeing an abusive partner, which your DH definitely is. They will be able to advise you.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/04/2018 22:20

Police and/or apply to the county court for an occupation order (to kick him out).

PoorYorick · 18/04/2018 22:25

Either he doesn't really accept that you're separated, or he's making the point that it doesn't matter to him that you are - you're still his.

Either way he's assaulting you on a daily basis.

Handsfull13 · 19/04/2018 16:42

Don't just threaten to call the police I think you should actually call the police on him.
That is sexual assault and he is admitting to it but using rapist excuses.
Don't stay in a situation where his horniness steps up and he tries further and put you in a vulnerable position.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/04/2018 17:11

He is sexually assaulting you in front of your children!

WTF!

Report to the police and get him evicted.

What an arsehole.

jammiebammie · 19/04/2018 17:17

I wouldn’t kick him or physically hurt him, as you don’t know what his reaction could be to that. Keep yourself safe.
I also wouldn’t start logging the incidents, this needs to stop now.
You could say to him, you are not to touch me again, and if you do I will phone the police.
And then do it, and tell him to leave.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, it sounds soul destroying. You could phone woman’s aid for some advice and they could put you in touch with services that can help.
Good luck.

HotSauceCommittee · 24/04/2018 09:04

Are you ok, OP?

tidiot · 24/04/2018 10:07

Few days late to the party - OP, he is sexually assaulting you and you need to report it if you want him to stop.

My ex used to do this when he came round to visit our child, it then escalated to him masturbating around me and eventually rape (I'm not saying it will go that far with you) but the excuses of 'I can't help myself because you're attractive/I'm horny/there's no one else doing it for me' are familiar. Even when he wasn't allowed in the house, he would stand at my door (or even in the street) touching himself. The hounding ruined me mentally and caused a nervous breakdown - and I wasn't even living with him! Mine is now on the sexual offenders register and I have a restraining order. It won't stop until you get a bigger power involved because he has no respect for your boundaries, maybe a police caution will scare him off.

Spanglyprincess1 · 24/04/2018 10:17

My ex husband did this too when we were seperating - no idea why- it was awful and it took me being physical (a punch to stop him when it went to far as I was frightened). You shouldn't put up with this as no means no.
Keep a record and explain if it happens again you will file charges against him with the police.
Is there any way you could move sooner?

Greypaw · 24/04/2018 10:25

My ex used to do this too, not when we were separating but throughout the marriage. Sometimes it would be painful - I hate my nipples being touched, but so often he would reach over and grab one really hard. He'd grope me when I was trying to get on with other stuff, and sulk if I complained. I didn't realise it was assault at the time.

In the end, when we were separating and he was angry, his groping became more violent and he seriously sexually assaulted me. It's not that he found me "too attractive to resist" it's because he felt he owned me and could control me.

Sounds like others here have had the same experience. I think if I had my time again I'd act sooner and tell him I'd get the police involved if he didn't stop.

Shoxfordian · 24/04/2018 11:05

Can you call Women's Aid for advice? Is there anyone you could stay with to leave sooner? His behaviour is disgusting.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.