My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Was this unfair of us?

34 replies

DSMEZ · 13/05/2007 10:43

My SIL recently decided she and her partner were getting married. They told us about it 2 weeks ahead of timeit was a sudden decision. The problem is that the date clashed with my mother's visit. My mother, who does not live in the UK, and is from abroad was visiting. It is her annual 3 week visitwhich is the only time she comes to see us as it is expensive and a major hassle (as she is older and does not speak Englishso she is always in a state of panic when she is travelling). My SIL knows my mother does this, and knows what a momentous thing it is for my mother to visit. She knew my mother was visiting when she planned her wedding date. To compound things, SIL decided she would have wedding in France. SIL told us my mother was NOT invitedeven though it was a casual wedding and a low key reception. I offered to pay my mother;s way as I felt it was unfair to my mother on what she felt was her time with her graandchildren. In the end, DH had a "talk" to her, and my mother came along. But SIL is still angry with me. Was I being unfair to bring my mother along? She is a elderly woman and to leave her behind in hotel is just not done in her/my culture. She sat quietly in a corner, and tried to be as positive and chirpy to SIL as possible--who made it clear to her she did not want her to be there.

OP posts:
mamazon · 13/05/2007 11:52

If it were me i would have asked if Dm could attend and when told no i would have refused to attend.

SIL is a bridezilla

twelveyeargap · 13/05/2007 12:16

I think it's downright rude of anyone to give two week's notice of a wedding - particularly one abroad and expect ANYONE to go, yet alone change plans for the wedding. SIL is a silly cow.

hatwoman · 13/05/2007 12:25

not that you need more reassurance but I totally agree. sil was being a complete bridezilla. and downright rude to your mum. not a lot of point with escalating the situation with digs but I do love 'You would be remembered more for your graciousness than your wedding dress".

YeahBut · 13/05/2007 12:30

What exactly did she expect you to do when you mum was visiting? Put her into the local kennels for the weekend? Actually, perhaps you should ask her that...
And no, YANBU.

eemie · 13/05/2007 12:46

Can you try to overwhelm her with positive thinking?

"Well your wedding was so important to us, and we were so determined to support you as a family on your big day, that we dropped everything and shipped ourselves to France at two weeks' notice, along with my elderly Mum who only comes once a year and is terrified of travelling and doesn't speak French, but she completely understood why we had to put her to so much trouble for you, and of course we wouldn't have done it for anyone else..."

She just needs to get a better perspective on it. You have been fantastically supportive to her, don't be tempted to take it back by reacting to her silliness now!

Tempting though it is...

eemie · 13/05/2007 12:48

Can you try to overwhelm her with positive thinking?

"Well your wedding was so important to us, and we were so determined to support you as a family on your big day, that we dropped everything and shipped ourselves to France at two weeks' notice, along with my elderly Mum who only comes once a year and is terrified of travelling and doesn't speak French, but she completely understood why we had to put her to so much trouble for you, and of course we wouldn't have done it for anyone else..."

She just needs to get a better perspective on it. You have been fantastically supportive to her, don't be tempted to take it back by reacting to her silliness now!

Tempting though it is...

eemie · 13/05/2007 12:48

oops

flightattendant · 13/05/2007 13:08

I think it was awful of her to try and make you choose between her sudden wedding, and your mother's long-planned visit.
Why do some people get like this? I nearly lost my best mate over her wedding...in this case it was because I had an 8 week old baby, on my own, and would have had to travel 300 miles each way for a massive do where she would have spoken to me for about 5 minutes I imagine!
Couldn't forgive my timing or the fact I didn't make the trip. She is a brilliant friend and always was but it took us two years to get back to friendly again...bridezilla syndrome to the hilt!

gess · 13/05/2007 14:06

Is there a Mumsnet Bridezilla Award? If so your SIL needs to be given first prize. What a self-obsessed, unbelievably selfish cow.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.