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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry at my ex for not telling me

27 replies

flatpackfurniture · 17/04/2018 22:56

(NC for this as worried about being totally unreasonable here...)

So a quick bit of background-
I have a 3.5 year old DC. Me and DC's dad broke up when DC was about one because I found out he was having an affair (which had begun days after I gave birth)

DC's dad then started having minimal contact with DC (his decision) and I've raised him single handedly other than DC's father seeing him every once in a while. I also get no financial support from him.

Anyway, DC went to his dad's house the other weekend for a sleepover (rarely happens) then when he came home, started going on and on about his dad's girlfriend. (The same woman he was cheating with)

I think this is the first time they've met, and I'm furious that DC's father never mentioned to me that DC would be meeting her. He could of at least MENTIONED it to me??

I want to bring it up with my ex how unfair it was for him not to tell me but I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not. He hardly sees DC, doesn't provide for him, and yet he did this which I feel should of been run past me first.

I'm probably being seriously unreasonable as I know they've been together a long time now. I just thought I'd check first before I open my gob

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 17/04/2018 22:57

YABU. Unless you run every new person your child meets past your ex, of course.

Original poster
flatpackfurniture · 17/04/2018 23:00

I asked my ex if it was okay for DC to meet my new partner, yes!!

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 17/04/2018 23:05

Although i would think it's respectful to tell your ex about meeting new partners I think you are being unreasonable to expect respect from a man who has an affair while his partner is at home with a newborn, abandons his family and pays no maintenance. You are well rid. Don't expect anything better from him and you won't be disappointed.

You should chase him for maintenance though, get him to court.

LeighaJ · 17/04/2018 23:05

If it's a serious partner their child will be around regularly then yes the other parent has the right to know. Especially since if a live in partner they might be asked to watch the child occasionally alone.

Original poster
flatpackfurniture · 17/04/2018 23:06

He doesn't live with her either!

OP posts:
theeyeofthestormchaser · 17/04/2018 23:07

Why isn’t he paying maintenance? Get him to pay for his own dc!

scottishdiem · 17/04/2018 23:10

He needs to pay maintenance. That is a given.

Whilst it would be polite to mention that your DC would meet this woman it isnt really a requirement. I am not sure what you would have done with the information to be honest but it would have been nice to know. Why is it unfair though?

Springtrolls · 17/04/2018 23:11

Get onto CMS to make a claim for maintenance.

Beyond that you cannot expect anything from him.

Original poster
flatpackfurniture · 17/04/2018 23:17

I just thought it was basic protocol that if your DC is going to meet your partner you tell the other parent

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2018 23:19

Just let it go. It has already happened and you can't undo it. No damage done as far as I can see.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/04/2018 23:21

It's protocol for parents to support their children. It might be courtesy to inform about new people but it isn't required. Buying food and shoes is and he doesn't do that!

Dozer · 17/04/2018 23:21

It would have been respectful of him to mention it, yes, but this is someone who cheated just after you’d given birth, declined to bother parenting and doesn’t even pay maintenance!

Seek maintenance for a start.

PaulAnkaDog · 17/04/2018 23:23

With all due respect, this man cheated on you, left you, pays no maintenance and has minimal contact with your son: So why are you allowing your son to go for sleepovers and why are you expecting this man to inform you his partner will be there? I genuinely don’t mean that in a mean way, I’m just a bit baffled.

LudoFriend · 17/04/2018 23:23

You're perfectly entitled to be upset, but in this case I think it was to be expected that they would meet sooner rather than later. Yes, he should have mentioned it, but with his history he was never going to.
What they did to you was awful, but it does sound like they are in a stable relationship and it was time she met your DC.
It could be worse. My ex introduced numerous women he had only just met, one of whom went on to stalk them for months.

hairymorag · 17/04/2018 23:25

PaulAnkaDog just what I was just going to write....

Fruitcorner123 · 17/04/2018 23:32

I just thought it was basic protocol

It's basic protocol to support the children you have created but he can't manage that so why are you surprised at this? He's useless. Expect nothing from him.

Starlight2345 · 17/04/2018 23:33

Ok in the nicest possible way why are you been a doormat ?

He treated you really badly which in itself does not make him a bad dad.

However he doesn’t support dc and pops in and out of life when it suits him .

Yes I would be annoyed in your situation as he should be building a relationship .

I also would be asking for regular contact before overnights .

I would also comment you have many reasons to be angry with him your greatest anger should not be dc met other woman

C0untDucku1a · 17/04/2018 23:35

You dont have to run your partners past him. I aouldnt be allowing sleep overs if contact is sporadic and unreliable.

Why isnt he paying? Put a claim in witb the cms.

Starlight2345 · 17/04/2018 23:38

I also add you do not need to ask his opinion on anything if he barely sees dc

louise5754 · 17/04/2018 23:40

I agree with you. You could have atleast had the chance to explain to your DS who she was. He's stopping over with his dad and a stranger. Very unfair if either parent did that. They could have met for a couple of hours prior to the sleep over.

AnyFucker · 17/04/2018 23:41

You expected better of this deadbeat bloke ? Confused

TheJoyOfSox · 17/04/2018 23:42

This man has treated you like a doormat, why would you expect him to change?

Will you tell him about anyone you have in your life?

I don’t speak to my ex, I’d sure as hell not be ringing him to tell him about my new husband, but my daughters are all adults.

Don’t expect your ex to change, he was a twat when you was together, he’s still a twat now.

SandyY2K · 17/04/2018 23:43

YABU to expect any decency from a cheater like him. He's a poor example of a father... who does the bare minimum. I wouldn't allow any sleepovers and he'd have to go to court for contact.

AnyFucker · 17/04/2018 23:48

Him not telling you about his gf should be the least of your issues with this inadequate knob

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 18/04/2018 00:45

This issue is definitely the least of your problems when it comes to the situation. Although I will say when I split up from my oldest DC's Dad I really did think it was common curtesy to tell him when I met someone new. However he then went through a long line of relationships, introduced our son and never once told me (not asked my permission just informed me) so I stopped telling him about anything personal like that (which he then got the hump about but 🙄).

Why doesn't he pay maintenance?

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