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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not put the blame on Ant McParlin's mum?

53 replies

poppetpet · 17/04/2018 18:19

I was having a conversation the other day with my friend and she more or less said how could Ant McParlin's mum have got in the car with him when he was over the limit. Having grown up in a household with an alcoholic mother and father I can definitely see how this could happen. People who drink are devious and lie to your face about having had a drink - I know this only too well. If Ant's mum had asked him if he had been drinking he would have flat out denied it. From my own experience you want to think the best of people and try and convince yourself you are wrong - in fact in the past I was made to feel like the bad one by both my parents and also my extended family - I was more or less told I was making things up to cause trouble (which I definitely wasn't). Anyone else have this experience?

OP posts:

IHaveBrilloHair · 17/04/2018 19:15

I crashed my car into another once, by the time I got out I was bleary and stumbling, I looked terrible.
I'd drank precisely nothing, I was shocked, worried, felt terrible and it was all a blur.
Yes, we know Ant was over the limit, but the photos prove nothing, he could have appeared completely fine beforehand.
I've also a selfie of me at a gig, I look hammered, I'd had one diet coke, bad photo which I shared for a laugh.

Original poster

poppetpet · 17/04/2018 19:16

The excuses I got for the bloodshot eyes etc. were tiredness, not sleeping the night before, feeling stressed, depressed or whatever. Maybe he was determined he was taking the dog to the park and she got in to try and protect him. Who knows but it's his responsibility and no one else's. Having said that he has put his hands up to it and is trying to get help.

OP posts:

GreenVelvetwithfrills · 17/04/2018 19:17

My thoughts are, that of course it’s not her fault at all.
I imagine lots of people drive while over the limit when they drive to the shops/ work the next morning, unknowingly.
I’m sure the police have said this before.
Also in the photos he would have been in shock, and also he had just been battered by the air bag going off, and I believe these give you a nasty bash in the face or chest.
He probably won’t have realised he was over the limit anyway, after all the stuff he’s has been through so publically.
And I feel very sorry for him, his wife and family too. Public shaming is no nice thing. And of course I am sorry for the people involved in the crash, and hope not to see them suing him very shortly.

Emily7708 · 17/04/2018 19:22

I don’t blame his mum for the drink driving and I’m sure she wouldn’t have got in the car if she’d known. You don’t really expect someone to be twice the drink drive limit at four in the afternoon.

The only worrying thing is that the court reporting said that she was Ant’s “sober coach”. She’s clearly not doing that job very well.

eloisesparkle · 17/04/2018 19:22

She put her own life at risk by going in the car with him.
TBH I was a bit that she hadn't noticed.

IHaveBrilloHair · 17/04/2018 19:23

Yep, completely her fault that he wasn't sober

HopeClearwater · 17/04/2018 19:25

The only worrying thing is that the court reporting said that she was Ant’s “sober coach”. She’s clearly not doing that job very well

This is the most offensive thing on this thread so far. It is IMPOSSIBLE to keep a drunk sober if they don’t want to be.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 17/04/2018 19:29

Actually, he might have been less drunk when she got in the car. It takes a bit of time for the alcohol to actually hit your bloodstream, doesn't it?

Ginkypig · 17/04/2018 19:31

If she knowingly got in a car with him or allowed him to drive a car after him drinking then of course I blame her (as well as him)

My feeling is she probably didn't know because why would she put her safety at so much risk.

Emily7708 · 17/04/2018 19:33

How is it offensive? She moved in with him to be his sober coach. Do you know what a sober coach is? It’s a specialised job, and essential to recovery after someone has been in rehab. People train for ages to do that job properly. His mum is obviously not the right person to do it if he is continuing to drink.

MrsDilber · 17/04/2018 19:35

To be fair, that footage of him exiting the car, he looked pissed. I agree with your friend, but ultimately, he's a grown man, he did the bad thing. Twice over the limit isn't good.

boxyfingo · 17/04/2018 19:42

Not her fault, because he's an adult and old enough to make his own decisions. However I would say it showed very poor judgement on her part as in the video he looked completely sloshed. I wonder if she's just immune to it by now and pretends not to notice the truth that is in front of her.

Original poster

poppetpet · 17/04/2018 19:49

Emily7708 I agree with a previous poster, if an alcoholic wants to drink there is nothing you can do to stop them - you can't watch them 24 hours a day. Only in re-hab will he dry out but it could be an entirely different story when he comes back out - some people never kick the habit - my father never did until the day he died despite having been taken to hospital many times - he just preferred drink to his family.

OP posts:

Sarsparella · 17/04/2018 19:51

Don't forget though, the press would have taken hundreds of photos of him and cherry picked the ones of him looking most drunk to illustrate the story.

No, the footage & photos of him directly after the accident were taken by members of the public who witnessed the accident & the other people involved - the paps weren’t on the scene the second he crashed, how could they have known?

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 17/04/2018 19:54

I don’t know what it is about Ant Mcpartlin but so many people are determined to not accept what he did was dangerous, selfish and the fact no one was killed or seriously hurt by his actions is pure luck.

To the point people blame his mother for what happened. He’s about 40, presumably knows it’s against the law to drive while drunk (not to mention dangerous) it is all his own fault. And all addicts are sneaky about covering their habit. Maybe he chews gum a lot to cover up the smell on his breath for example?

I’ve also lost count of the number of times I’ve seen on my Facebook people bleating on that his fine is “too big” he’s worth millions of pounds. Having to pay £86k in fines for being so fucking stupid is hardly going to result in him needing to go down the food bank.

HopeClearwater · 17/04/2018 19:57

Do you know what a sober coach is

Yes I do. Through bitter experience, I know far more than I wanted to know about alcoholism. It’s just another way of blaming somebody else for the actions of an addict.

Emily7708 · 17/04/2018 19:59

Poppetpet yes I agree - as I said, I had an alcoholic sibling for many years so know the nightmare of it. I was trying to say that a family member probably isn’t the best person to be his sober coach, especially when he could have afforded the best, most qualified person.

HopeClearwater · 17/04/2018 19:59

essential to recovery after someone has been in rehab

No it isn’t. Unless you’re being paid to be a sober coach. Then I expect it is essential.

HopeClearwater · 17/04/2018 20:02

I was trying to say that a family member probably isn’t the best person to be his sober coach, especially when he could have afforded the best, most qualified person

Well, why do you think he chose her then?? That’s exactly what an alcoholic would do, choose the person he could most easily fool and then blame her for his relapses. An active alcoholic is a selfish and manipulative person.

MrsGrindah · 17/04/2018 20:06

Sadly I have been in a car many many times with a functioning alcoholic. I didn’t know they were drinking again. They found ways to cover it up. Also in some ways their “ drunk” state became who they were so over the years I only cottoned on when they went beyond their “ normal”. Nobody should be blaming the Mum at all.

Emily7708 · 17/04/2018 20:07

How do we know she’s not being paid for it?!

Emily7708 · 17/04/2018 20:09

HopeClearwater I absolutely agree with you. Very true. And also very sad really as it means that he wasn’t serious about getting clean and sober. Otherwise why not buy the very best care money can buy?

Seniorcitizen1 · 17/04/2018 20:12

Don’t blame her for not stopping him driving, but don’t understand why she got in the car with him knowing he had had a drink. When I am a passenger the driver does not drink any alcohol at all - if the do I get a cab

Doryismyname · 17/04/2018 20:20

I am fed up of hearing about ‘poor Ant’. He is not a saint, he’s not infallible, he is a TV presenter that got into a car and drove when he was over the limit. His mum has probably been to hell and back with him over the years as has his wife and now they have to shoulder the blame for this

IHaveBrilloHair · 17/04/2018 20:35

Same again all over this thread, the Mum is to blame, or at least knew, or played a part in it.

I'm out.

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