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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is icky and what should I do?

25 replies

Unforgiving2 · 17/04/2018 17:25

10 year old DD keeps her bedroom curtains drawn all the time, I usually moan as it's so dark in there. Last week she confided that the two brothers opposite, age 10 & 12 stare at her from their room. She says they seem there alot and whenever she draws curtains they are there. So, I kept an eye on it and sure enough, every morning and evening they are there in their room and as soon as I drew the curtains they came to the window and stared right in. They looked a bit sheepish when they saw me instead of my DD and backed away. I will obviously get her a net curtain and protect her privacy but we still live near them and I would like to tell their parents and let them know and ask them to have a word. I am cross my DD felt intimidated in her own bedroom, and wonder what they will grow up like...

OP posts:

Original poster

Unforgiving2 · 17/04/2018 17:46

To add, I know they are just kids and some might say 'boys being boys' (yuk!) But we live in close proximity, same school etc...

OP posts:

Lifeaback · 17/04/2018 17:52

That's disgusting behaviour op I'm really sorry your dd has been subjected to this, especially at such a young age. The parents of the boys will no doubt be mortified but you must make them aware. I would be fuming and would have marched over there immediately but I'm known to be quite hot headed- I know young boys/girls of that age have a natural curiosity but they sound like they need a firm reminder of boundaries and privacy.

Perhaps a good opportunity to have a discussion with your daughter about sticking up for herself when someone from the opposite sex makes her feel uncomfortable- remind her that she is well within her rights to call them out for it and doesn't need to put up with things like this

TwitterQueen1 · 17/04/2018 17:59

You're being a little over-heated here OP. You "wonder what they'll grow up like"... really? There is no reason to suppose they'll grow up as anything other than normal. And please don't march over and confront the parents. If you did that to me I'd tell you to stop being ridiculous and to put up nets if you're that bothered about other people looking in. You can't go over there and tell the boys to stop looking out of their window.

Your DD is obviously becoming aware of her own body and of the opposite sex and is sensitive to others looking at her. It's your responsibility to protect her and make her comfortable, not everyone else's.

Trunkisareshite · 17/04/2018 18:00

The two boys are probably just being nosey or ‘spying’ rather that perving at their ages but it’s still not on. Especially as your DD feels uncomfortable in her own home.

I’d let their parents know in a ‘could you ask the boys not to spy on DD please she’s feeling uncomfortable’ rather than a guns blazing aproach. I would want to know if it was one of my kids and it would be useful to reiterate boundaries to them but I wouldn’t appreciate my 10 year old being made out to be a lech.

UnsuspectedItem · 17/04/2018 18:03

It's your responsibility to protect her and make her comfortable, not everyone else's.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Everyone has a responsibility to both look after themselves and treat others with respect - and to teach their children as such. Ogling someone through a window is not respectful behaviour. This is in no way the OPs fault, nor her daughters.

peacheachpearplum · 17/04/2018 18:05

Not nice being stared at but I am amazed they have nothing else to do but watch her curtains. They must have really boring lives.

Susanjeffery1984 · 17/04/2018 18:09

Sounds to me like curious boys but not fair on your daughter.
I’d have a word with the parents and let them know what their little darlings are up to and invest in some net curtains.

TwitterQueen1 · 17/04/2018 18:10

How close are the windows?
What is the girl doing in front of the windows?
What can the boys actually see from their window?

This is all very, very subjective and way too vague / unproven / daft to be so aggressive and confrontational about. If I had a 10 year old boy and an angry neighbour started accusing my son of voyeurism I would not be happy.

Dangerousmonkey · 17/04/2018 18:17

Do you know their names? A big poster saying '
X and Y STOP STARING should attract their parents attention.

Takeoutyourhen · 17/04/2018 18:20

Some Venetian blinds would help with the light and unwanted stares from neighbouring boys. How annoying for your DD!

Cuppaoftea · 17/04/2018 18:29

The two boys are probably just being nosey or ‘spying’ rather that perving at their ages but it’s still not on.

The older boy's 12! Of course they're perving.

Is their window in close proximity OP? I'd put up a blackout blind that they can't see through at all but lets in some light for your DD when she opens her curtains.

Original poster

Unforgiving2 · 17/04/2018 19:02

The windows are diagonally apart, our houses are virtually next door but form a corner at the end of a cul de sac so closer than say if across the road. My DD isn't doing anything much but they can see right in so she feels self conscious and even with the curtains drawn get changed virtually laying on the floor in case they can see in somehow as she feels so worried by it. The boys dont go out much, their parents never seem to do day trips or holidays and I think they spend alot of time in their room watching TV/playing games from what they have told us.
I plan to make her safe from preying eyes, but hate she has felt like this in her own room.

OP posts:

xsquared · 17/04/2018 19:06

It's your responsibility to protect her and make her comfortable, not everyone else's.

It is also everybody’s responsibility to respect privacy.

Queenio24 · 17/04/2018 19:06

Get some blinds.
It may be they are being annoying rather than anything untoward.

ReanimatedSGB · 17/04/2018 19:08

I also think it's a bit of a big step to insist that two (by the sound of it rather bored) kids staring out of their window are doing so to harass your DD and make her uncomfortable. Get a blind or some net curtains - and don't go storming over to the neighbours accusing their sons of abusive behaviour. They will tell you to fuck off, if they have any sense.

Teeniemiff · 17/04/2018 19:10

I would speak to the parents & be quite casual about it saying you & your daughter have noticed that the sons are often peering into her window (rather than guns blazing accusing the sons of being perverts). I’m sure the former would be better received by the parents & be more willing to help.

SerenDippitty · 17/04/2018 19:10

Could she sleep in a different room for a while, one they can’t see into? The boys might lose interest then.

loulou987 · 17/04/2018 19:13

If you don't want to encourage stare-y lurkers why have you not put net curtains up?!

It's like walking past houses that have no blinds/nets and they are sat there with the light on you just can't help but look.

I suggest you just put the net curtains up ASAP.

eloisesparkle · 17/04/2018 19:18

Yucky for your daughter.
I mentioned to a friend that as I was passing her home her dd was getting dressed, 13 year old, not worldly wise, upstairs in her room and the curtains were open with the light on. Friend was grateful and would speak to her dd.

Could Luxaflex PULL UP blinds work ?
They are screwed into the base of the window sill and go up rather than down and therefore let in lots of light with privacy too.
You can pull them up as far as you want.

Mookatron · 17/04/2018 19:19

I can't believe some of the replies on here. Of course they should not be staring! Of course it's perving!

I do think going in 'all guns blazing' would be a mistake but a quiet friendly word to the parents would be appropriate. Boys need to learn that a girl's existence does not give them the right to stare at her.

And yes net curtains.

geekymommy · 17/04/2018 19:28

This is icky, and it is a problem, but I don't think it means the neighbor boys are going to grow up to be terrible people. Do mention it to their mother, don't go in to that conversation yelling about what terrible people they are. The boys do need to learn that it's not okay to look in other people's bedroom windows.

RedHelenB · 17/04/2018 19:38

Surely she closes the curtains when getting dressed/undressed so I'm not getting the perving part. If they don't get out much they are probably bored.

BlankTimes · 17/04/2018 20:19

From the OP's OP for everyone minimising this.
whenever she draws curtains they are there. So, I kept an eye on it and sure enough, every morning and evening they are there in their room and as soon as I drew the curtains they came to the window and stared right in. They looked a bit sheepish when they saw me instead of my DD and backed away

First thought was I'd be tempted to take a few photographs of them standing and staring in over a few days to show their parents, but then that would make me an adult photographing minors in their bedroom...

I'd go for a blackout blind.

Surely she closes the curtains when getting dressed/undressed so I'm not getting the perving part
If you stand between a light source say the overhead light in a bedroom which is usually in the middle of the ceiling and ordinary curtains, your shadow is projected onto the curtains.
That's why the girl is getting dressed and undressed lying on the floor so her shadow can't be seen. Poor kid.

Platypusfattypus · 17/04/2018 20:24

I can’t believe some of the responses on here.

I had a similar experience when I was 13 years old. Thankfully my parents didn’t blame me or make it my responsibility and went and had a word with his parents. That stopped it.

tooearlytobeup · 17/04/2018 20:40

I’m going against the majority here, but are you sure they are actually watching your dd and there isn’t an innocent explanation? I had a similar situation a while ago but from the other side. An 8 year old girl said that my teenage ds was standing in his room watching her through her bedroom window. In reality he was doing nothing of the sort. He was spending a lot of time playing on an Xbox. He was standing there with a cordless controller while playing and taking to friends through a headset. The tv screen was positioned so it couldn’t be seen through the window, it looked to her like he was just standing there and only logical explanation she thought of was that he was watching her. As soon as this was pointed out he was warned to remember to close his own curtains-problem solved.

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