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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to attempt to close the gay massage parlour?

90 replies

Snotgobbler99 · 17/04/2018 15:54

I live in a small block of six, privately owned, flats and it appears that two (if not more) young gentlemen have moved into one of them and are using it as a gay massage parlour. Am I being unreasonable to want to close it down?

Well, of course, I'm not. Not only is there a constant stream of strange men ringing on the doorbell (often my doorbell) and wandering around the entrance but clients also monopolise our private off street parking, because you have to feed a meter locally.

When I say "massage parlour", I've found the adverts and it's not a legit masseurs, it's a wank shop. I'm pretty certain a massage parlour with two 'masseurs' constitutes a brothel. Do any legal eagle Mn'ers have any suggestions?

OP posts:
MissClareRemembers · 17/04/2018 19:00

I would hate this too. We used to live 2 doors down from a drug dealer and had a spate of small hours door knockings when ‘customers’ went to our house by mistake. The police eventually raided it and they were seen no more. It was a horrible time and we were so angry that we felt intimidated in our own home.

I think you are getting an incredibly hard time from some posters. You haven’t said anything offensive.

crunchymint · 17/04/2018 19:16

And if you own your house it will make it harder if you want to sell it. Few would want to buy a flat in a small block in which there is a brothel.

GodYouMakeMeCringe · 17/04/2018 21:29

bobster - that's the point though. No-one ever says they have a problem with anything that it isn't common or universally acceptable. No-one says they 'don't have a problem with white people' unless they're prefacing it with a controversial or unacceptable comment. Because it's a given that white people are in a privileged position.

Why would you say you don't have a problem with something that you don't potentially think there is a potential problem with?

If you think it's fine to say you 'don't have a problem with gays', can you tell me why anyone would need to say that? Can you tell me what the potential problem with 'gays' would be?

Oh and OP, you think by being a member of a minority group you can't be unconciously (or consciously) prejudiced towards another? Doesn't work like that I'm afraid.

So I'll ask you too - why did you feel the need to preface your completely reasonable objections with 'I've got no problem with gays'

What possible 'problem' could you have with 'gays' that you need to inform us that you don't have?

thegreatbeyond · 17/04/2018 21:55

Poor OP. He's getting rubbed up the wrong way by this bum deal.

ForalltheSaints · 17/04/2018 21:58

YANBU. As you would be I am sure were it any other home based business where customers come and park and cause a noise nuisance.

bananafish81 · 17/04/2018 22:06

Something similar happened in the block of flats I was living in. Flat opposite ours was being used as a knocking shop. My flatmate and I twigged something was up when we'd kept getting shifty looking blokes at 3am buzzing the wrong flat. A couple of weeks later the flat got raided by the police - I assume someone in the building had complained - but they were back up and running within 2 days. I was worried in case the girls were being in any way coerced, however as a very large, very intimidating, guy who I assumed to have been their pimp was always coming to and fro, bang opposite our front door - so for our own safety we didn't pry any further

The flat was being rented as a short term let so they buggered off after a couple of months. No useful advice I'm afraid, but good luck!

SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 17/04/2018 22:07

I'll tell you one agency that will absolutely care - the local authority department in charge of collecting business rates. We had one of their officers found recently to question us on our neighbours as they didn't believe they had so many horses of their own and were trying to prove they were taking paid liveries.
YANBU to want it shut down - and it may well be that you have to try a few different tactics.....

NewYearNewMe18 · 17/04/2018 22:08

I'm pretty certain a massage parlour with two 'masseurs' constitutes a brothel.

how do you know they are offering sexual services and not, umm, sports physio?

Snotgobbler99 · 17/04/2018 23:51

*So I'll ask you too - why did you feel the need to preface your completely reasonable objections with 'I've got no problem with gays'

What possible 'problem' could you have with 'gays' that you need to inform us that you don't have?*

Firstly, the statement was made in the middle of conversation, it "prefaced" nothing - you're being hyperbolic. Your second question is also leading; it's along the lines of "when did you stop beating your wife?", it really doesn't warrant an answer, but nevertheless I'll try.

I said it because I wanted to be clear that I'm not against what they're doing because they're gay and I wanted to preempt any accusation of my being homophobic because I'm not, despite your insinuation. Despite that, it's still 'possible' that someone else can misinterpret my 'problem' (and, bingo, you seem to have done precisely that).

I'm unhappy with them because their behaviour is hugely inconsiderate. Not just to me and my partner but to the other elderly people in a very small residential block of flats. I say elderly, they're older than me and I'm knocking 65. They actually publicise how "discrete and quiet" their premises are whilst causing disturbance to the real discrete and quiet residents.

I'm perfectly aware that it's possible to be racist or homophobic whilst being the member of the same or a different minority. I'm also aware that it's possible to be priggish; expecting other people to conform to your exactingly high standards.

I doubt you'll believe my answers, so I won't labour it. However, since I've taken the time to answer your question as honestly as I can, I'd be grateful if you'd answer my questions that you've ignored.

Why do you think it's OK to call yourself a name that many devoutly religious people would find offensive? I'm completely irreligious but I don't go around insulting other people's beliefs. Calling yourself God is about as offensive as you can get to some. Do you have a hierarchy, listing those who you can happily offend and those you shouldn't?

Why did you find it necessary to illustrate my 'offence' using further examples of what are, by your own standards, equally offensive in nature?
I'm intelligent enough to understand descriptive statements that don't contain the alleged slur. What gives you the right to expand on what I said merely for purely illustrative purposes and then repeat the same thing more than once? It's hypocritical and hyperbolic.
If it's wrong to say those things, it's not ok to repeat them and definitely wrong to say them a third time, especially if it's just for effect.

You're inverting the racist trope of "why can't I call them 'wombles' when they say 'wombles' to each other all the time?". You're saying you can say it, cos you're ok, but others can't. (And, look, I explained it to you without resorting to an overtly racist term). If you're going to be the language police, why can't you police yourself?

Why do you feel the need to defend people who are behaving badly? Their actions - not words, actions - are making other people's lives miserable. They are not the victims in this situation.

OP posts:
Snotgobbler99 · 18/04/2018 00:06

How do I know about what services they offer? Could they be sports physios?

Possibly - but physios don't usually let you massage the therapist... (It's on the menu).

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 18/04/2018 00:07

There's a menu?? Surely you can use it as photo evidence?

Snotgobbler99 · 18/04/2018 00:11

Possibly, sneaky, but the pictures are from the neck down....

See under; Eyewatering.

OP posts:
BonnieF · 18/04/2018 00:13

Homophobic moralising Hmm

Snotgobbler99 · 18/04/2018 00:17

Homophobic moralising?

Nope, others have made the same mistake but I'm sure you know better Smile

OP posts:
Snotgobbler99 · 30/04/2018 13:39

A quick note of thanks to all those who advised me on this.

As advised, I went through the lease with a fine tooth comb and, although there was no clause explicitly preventing the running of a business from the premises, there was a requirement on both freeholder and lessees that all appropriate licenses/registrations were in place. I advised the freeholder of his obligation to check that the massage parlour was registered both as 'a business' and, under local bylaws, as a 'place of sexual entertainment' (the website providing irrefutable proof).

I don't think the freeholder was avoiding the issue, I just don't think he'd fully understood his obligation - I hadn't either. After I emailed him, he acted very quickly and the massage parlour is no longer operating. (Let's hope it stays that way).

So again. Big thanks to all who gave helpful advice.

OP posts:
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