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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Stag do near due date?

16 replies

LisaSimpsonsbff · 17/04/2018 12:58

I'm 27 weeks pregnant, due mid-July. DH has been invited to a stag do when I'll be 38 weeks. It's about a two hour drive from our house. I think he should go, either just for the day time activity, or overnight, and not drink so that he can drive if necessary. I think it would mean a lot to the groom (a friend of many years), and I already feel guilty about the fact that we can't go to the wedding because it's a week after the due date. I know the baby might be here by then, in which case he'd just have to lose the money he'd spent on the activity/accommodation. If not and I go into labour that weekend (which would be unlucky!) then I don't think two hours is a ridiculous journey time for him to get back. He's really torn - he wants to go, but thinks I'll change my mind closer to the time (in which case he wouldn't go) and so we'll end up wasting the money. So, AIBU to think that I'll be fine with him going to this stag do when I'm 38 weeks pregnant?

OP posts:
georgie262 · 17/04/2018 13:03

I live in Sheffield and my husband is on a stag do 2 weeks before my due date I Edinburgh! For 2 nights. This is our third though so I’m not that stressed about it. The wedding is 2 weeks after the baby’s due and I’m planning on going to that as well.

Annette1234 · 17/04/2018 13:18

Why can’t you go to the wedding?

QueenofmyPrinces · 17/04/2018 13:25

When I was 37 and 38 weeks pregnant my husband went on holiday to Turkey (with our son) for a fortnight Grin

LisaSimpsonsbff · 17/04/2018 13:25

Why can’t you go to the wedding?

Because there's no way we could guarantee we could go (I might be in labour!) and it seems selfish to say to the couple that we may or may not be there, but please pay for our dinner anyway. I'd do it if it was further away and so the odds of us not going were higher, but the odds that I'll be either literally a couple of days post-partum or pregnant and overdue seem so high.

OP posts:
Anxiouschild · 17/04/2018 13:32

As long as he can be relied upon to have the will power to stay sober and to keep his phone charged and close to hand I'd be fine with it. It is unlikely (although far from unheard of, of course!) that a first baby would arrive that early and very unlikely 2-3hrs (once message is picked up, bag packed etc) would not be long enough to get back.

I went on my friend's hen which was a 3hr drive away at 38wks. The plan was to head home at any sign of a first twinge, but it was all fine Smile

LisaSimpsonsbff · 17/04/2018 14:12

Great, thanks all - looks like I am indeed being reasonable to think this is fine (have been getting a bit worried that I am generally a bit unrealistic about what can be done in late pregnancy/with a newborn) so will tell him again that he can go with my blessing!

OP posts:
Whatshallidonowpeople · 17/04/2018 14:16

You expect him to go and not drink weeks before your due date??

LisaSimpsonsbff · 17/04/2018 14:20

Yes, because if he drinks he can't get back if I go into labour - I'll be 38 weeks (technically 38+3), so full term! Again, it's him that thinks it might be a bit much for him to go so soon to the birth - I really don't think I'm being madly controlling here!

OP posts:
BlaaBlaaBlaa · 17/04/2018 14:25

I think it’s reasonable for him to go but not drink and be contactable throughout. My DH stopped drinking 3 weeks before my due date just in case. It’s no hardship

I had my DS at 38 weeks and he was my first.

NellythePink · 18/04/2018 00:00

I am 38+5 and am currently in labour. Just sayin'.

Also @Annette1234 I can't think of anything worse that trying to make myself look like a human being and go to a wedding when I gave birth a few days ago! That time is for being at home wearing pyjamas covered in baby sick, and trying to get your head around what has happened to your life. Well it is for me...

Fruitcorner123 · 18/04/2018 00:15

Whatshallidonowpeople

What's so unreasonable about that? Presumably the OP has not drunk for the last 27 weeks and she's coped!

Or is missing out on a beer something he will regret more than missing his child's birth.

OlennasWimple · 18/04/2018 00:17

YABReasonable

SchoolMoney · 18/04/2018 00:23

My husband refused to go to a stag 2 hours from us 3 weeks before I was due because he wanted to help me. You can't tell how you will be then. Make no commitments to the wedding x

TrudeauGirl · 18/04/2018 00:26

I am 38+5 and am currently in labour. Just sayin'.

You're in labour now? Good luck! I hope everything's going well xx

applesisapple5 · 18/04/2018 10:31

I'm 38+4, not in labour :-D
Totally agree with your stance OP, two hours should be fine, sounds like he's reasonavke and will be sober, and totally sensible for declinibg tge wedding invite too! Dont feel guilty about it tho!

Thefirstjedi · 18/04/2018 10:35

OP you are about as NBU as you can get.
All sounds very sensible.
Good luck.

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