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Original poster

Awful experience on social media

22 replies

roseblossom75 · 17/04/2018 10:16

I don't know a lot about facebook settings but I assumed a group that I had set up myself as "closed" with just myself as admin would only accept members who I added personally?

I'm just posting in the hope someone can shed some light on how this happened as I'm really confused (and very naive it seems).

It was a group close to my heart where I had written poems for two of my children who have two very different unrelated disabilities.

All was going great. I had fantastic support and it helped me knowing that the group was dedicated to my boys (one of whom is 18 and non verbal).

I then realised that random strangers were commenting on the poems. People I didn't remember adding to the group.
I checked the list of members and at least ten random strangers had been added by another person (it gave the name of the person who added them who I also didn't remember adding). Bearing in mind I am the only admin.
I didn't get any notifications to say they had been added.

I have obviously blocked all these people and haven't posted on the group since, but I'm worried as I had pictures on there of my youngest who has Down's Syndrome. I don't know how long these people had been lurking on there as I hadn't checked it for a while.

I'm just finding it really upsetting as the group was a dedication to my boys and writing poems helps me (and I hope helps others in a similar situation).

If anyone knows how the settings on these groups work or how they got into a closed group without me adding them I would really appreciate it. x

OP posts:
SluttyButty · 17/04/2018 10:18

You have to check the box that says only admins are allowed to add rather than the anyone can add option.

roseannabanana · 17/04/2018 10:53

If you want only admins to add people, you have to choose that setting.

Just be more careful in future.

Catspaws · 17/04/2018 11:11

You should be able to remove them from the group and then make it so only you can add them.

Sorry you've had a bad experience OP, I hope you're ok. It sounds like a lovely way of celebrating your kids Flowers

Whatshallidonowpeople · 17/04/2018 11:19

Why is it an awful experience? Did any Of them say anything unpleasant?

Parkrunner25 · 17/04/2018 11:21

You need to change the group from "closed" to "secret" and change the settings so that only admins can add new members.

Southwest12 · 17/04/2018 11:24

If you change to a secret group then it can’t be found and you can only add people on your friends list to it. With a closed group just do as others have said and have so that only admin can approve a new member. You can also set it so it asks the person a question/questions about why they want to join. I run a closed group for my charity and we do that so we can stop anyone that isn’t eligible joining.

MrsJayy · 17/04/2018 11:27

Just what everybody else said set your group to secret remove and block people you don't know FB added an add member feature it is a total pain in the neck. I am sorry that happened facebook isn't as tight as it is made out.

MadMags · 17/04/2018 11:36

I think you're overreacting, unless people were saying mean things?

Anyway, you need to set the group up saying that either only admins can add, or that admins have to approve adds.

Also, you should make it secret as opposed to closed.

upsideup · 17/04/2018 11:44

I assume the person you added only added the other people as they knew they were going through a similar experiance and would benefit from being a member of the group and that they didnt leave you abusive messages.
Am I missing soemthing to not think this was an awful experiance? Delete them if you dont want them to be part of it but theres no harm done.

DD43 · 17/04/2018 11:48

Did they say horrible things?

If not, then I don't see the problem.

Likejellytots88 · 17/04/2018 11:49

Even if its a closed group, people you have added can accept a request from someone else, if you want to make it so only you can see and accept new member requests you have to change it to that setting.
I feel for you, I had an experience where a friend had taken a picture of my then newborn DS to show his mum and then one of his friends had taken the picture around social media calling him her son. I was horrified and now barely post pictures of my DS on facebook for fear it might happen again, if I want to show family any pictures I send them in private messages now.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 17/04/2018 11:51

Presumably they were added by one of the members that you were happy to add yourself, because they thought the new members needed support themselves or would be supportive of you (or both)?
What is so awful?

MrsJayy · 17/04/2018 11:52

I don't think the op is over reacting she just didn't realise she hadn't the proper settings and felt exposed that really isn't over reacting

II have had a terrible experience being a group admin i have been threatened and harrased in messanger my crime i disagreed with their behaviour and removed them from group.

I am now hidden on facebook because of one stranger anyway didn't want to take over this thread I just don't think the Ops feelings should be deminished

SpringNowPlease2018 · 17/04/2018 11:57

OP in the nicest possible way, if something is really important to you in a private way i.e. you'd share with only nearest and dearest, it's best not to put it on social media.

MrsPreston11 · 17/04/2018 12:00

Not really "awful" - just fix the settings so they're as you want them.

DearMrDilkington · 17/04/2018 12:02

Nothing is ever private once it's online, everything can be screenshot and shared.

CardinalCat · 17/04/2018 12:06

while I can understand that you are upset, please be aware that any information you share on social media is no longer your private information. and even in a private group setting, your information isn't truly private.

PattiStanger · 17/04/2018 12:11

Sounds like a settings issue that's easily sorted but bear in mind that even in secret groups members can screenshot and post anywhere else

JaneyEJones · 17/04/2018 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emmasmum2013 · 17/04/2018 12:30

Agree with @SpringNowPlease2018 - I'd consider other options if you don't want the risk of other people seeing the content. Social Media isn't ideal for this type of thing.

BookWitch · 17/04/2018 12:44

I'm an admin of several FB groups with various settings and I agree with PP saying you need a Secret group.

If it has upset you this much I suggest you close the group, start again inviting the people you do want in the group and go very very carefully. Make sue you have it set so only you can add a person to the group

Original poster
roseblossom75 · 17/04/2018 13:12

Thank you. I have checked the settings and it seems it was own error by not realising there was a setting that says only admin can add into the group.

Yes I was over reacting due to my anxiety/ panic disorder and feeling emotional about my eldest son's current situation.

Thank you for all the support. x

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