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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

2 under 2?

23 replies

Maybe2under2 · 16/04/2018 14:57

Not really an AIBU sorry, I just need a bit of a handhold and don't have much support irl. I have name changed.

I already have a 9mo and think I may be pregnant. We want another baby but aren't really in the position right now financially. We were planning on waiting about 5 years. but my period is late.

We rent our house, it's tiny 2 bed and we struggle to find the space for one baby and we would have to move. We are scrabbling desperately to save to buy. I have a very PT job and after childcare costs bring in about £6k a year. DP works full time. Our total household income is less than £30k.

DP didn't really want our first baby as he wanted to be married and own a house first but he supported my decision and supports us financially. He loves DS now though and he wouldn't change anything. I know he doesn't want another baby yet though and I think he'd be quite upset. I don't have a clue.

I'm off to buy a test now and I'm absolutely terrified.

OP posts:

Sirrah · 16/04/2018 15:33

These things can't always be planned, and remembering takes two so it's not all your fault! I had two in 14 months, should have been longer but my son arrived early. It was hard, we had to go without some luxuries, but I wouldn't be without him (he's now 28 and a father himself).

Sirrah · 16/04/2018 15:34

*remember it

movinonup · 16/04/2018 15:37

I has DS when DD was 21 months old. It was difficult but I honestly believe it would have been just as difficult with any age gap.
And it was fantastic to get out of the feeding/nappies/nightwaking stage within months of each other.

BlackberryandNettle · 16/04/2018 17:01

Congratulations on possible pregnancy! I had an 18 month gap between my first two sand it has been fantastic longterm.(obviously hard at first). They are always at a similar stage so holidays etc so much easier. You still have all your baby stuff presumably too. Also they will play together, this makes life so much easier as they grow up. It's honestly fab and I'm so glad they ended up being close in age, plus if you only want two, you'll be all done quickly.

In terms of childcare it is obviously very expensive but again for limited time. On your income you'll receive child benefit, plus, if you continue working, 30 free hours from age 3 for your kids.

Original poster

Maybe2under2 · 16/04/2018 17:46

Thanks for the responses, they've made me feel much more confident.

We still have all our baby stuff but childcare is just so expensive, I'd barely be making any money so would possibly have to quit my job, which worries me for future career prospects etc.

I've not been able to buy a test today because current child has been a nightmare with teething, so it'll have to be tomorrow.

OP posts:

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 16/04/2018 17:49

13months between my two eldest DDs. They are now 7 and 8 and are inseparable

BlackberryandNettle · 16/04/2018 21:46

Childcare is expensive but still the same amount longterm as paying for two with bigger gaps. Also if you can put up with drastically lower income for a couple of years, you'll be well into free hours/towards school years and job in place already. Sounds like you have hours that suit you as well so probably worth hanging onto.

C0untDucku1a · 16/04/2018 21:50

22 months gap in mine. How old are you? Im wonderin if a career break at this point, then get back to it in 5 years would work out? Just keep up-skilling through evening courses or volunteer / shadow work.

Original poster

Maybe2under2 · 16/04/2018 23:01

I'm only 23 so a career gap probably wouldn't do me any harm at this stage.

Told DP my period is 3 days late tonight and he said 'oh dear. We really can't have another child right now, we need to sort out a reliable method of contraception.' meaning I go on the pill - we currently use condoms since our sex life since having DC1 hasn't been too regular as I took a while to heal.

I just know what he's going to suggest if we are pregnant and I don't know if I can go through with that.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 16/04/2018 23:13

If you are pregnant, life will get a bit hectic, but you WILL get through it. In my opinion, having them closer in age is much easier in the long run. Try not to fret. Life has a way of working itself out!

Boysnme · 16/04/2018 23:16

There’s less than 3 years between my two. It was hard to begin with then we got into a routine as we did when it was just one and it’s been fine. We’re now out the baby stage much quicker than we would have been and can now go on nice holidays with the kids. They also quite like each other too. I don’t regret a small gap at all.

ObiJuanKenobi · 16/04/2018 23:17

We have twins so sort of counts as 2 under 2? In terms of childcare costs doubling - usually the second sibling gets a small discount if they attend the same nursery, I think our twin 2 gets 5% off which doesn't sound a great deal but it all adds up!
Best of luck to you either way, having a sibling close in age is lovely growing up

Mightymucks · 16/04/2018 23:17

It’s often said to be the best gap 18 months. And people manage with twins.

Snowysky20009 · 16/04/2018 23:23

Remember it's your decision too. I fell pregnant when ds1 was 8 weeks old, I was on the mini pill.
I had just started university and knew I couldn't cope with another thing baby. I had always been against terminations. However I went through with one because I knew I couldn't cope.
I would be lying if I said I didnt think about, I do every day. Yes I regret it in one way but not another.
So I'm just saying that if you BOTH decide to go down that route, please don't be hard on yourself.

Fruitcorner123 · 16/04/2018 23:35

Don't let him pressure you it's not the immaculate conception he knew the risk he was taking. You are in a 2 bed so you don't desperately need to move as the little ones can share. Think through how this can be managed. If you don't return to work are there some benefits you can claim? When the oldest is 3 you could return to something at least part time and older child would be funded. In 4 yrs or so ( assuming you don't have a 3rd) you can return to work full time and focus on your career.

There are lots of positives to having children close in age, they will have a playmate for life. There are also lots of benefits to having babies young.

QueenofSerene · 16/04/2018 23:36

There’s 12mths and 5 days between my two, the youngest is 11wks so I’m still in the thick of it but I think it’s been easier so far. I wouldn’t stress about it prematurely until you’ve done a test and know what you’re facing and then have an honest sit down with your partner about what your options are, it takes two to make a baby so it’s not fair of him to immediately jump to terminating without considering the impact it would have on you and your well-being as well as the relationship as a whole.

C0untDucku1a · 17/04/2018 07:03

Fruit corner what has the immaculate conception got to do with it?!

If you can’t go throgh that, don't. It is your decision.

But do a test first so you are not stressing over nothing. If it is negative there is the coil to consider as well as the pill.

Pengggwn · 17/04/2018 07:08

Do a test. It's a few days, and periods can be all over the place for a long time after having a baby. Hope you get the outcome you are hoping for! If not, your DH is as responsible as you for the contraception hiccough - don't be pressured.

Ivegotfamilyandidrinkcupsoftea · 17/04/2018 07:13

My eldest two have a gap of 16 months and both were surprises. That went down well....not.

If you are indeed pregnant have a go on an online calculator like the entitled to one. Even if you dont get help with childcare costs now you might do once you have 2dc.

The other option is being a sahm until your eldest is old enough to get 30 funded hours

Original poster

Maybe2under2 · 17/04/2018 14:59

Test was negative anyway. Feel strangely deflated but it's a good thing I think.

Thanks for all the advice.

OP posts:

Hillarious · 17/04/2018 15:56

Eighteen month age gap between my two oldest (and then two years between DC2 and DC3). They all get on marvellously. The oldest (DD and DS1) two are at uni in the same town (quite by chance) and Facetimed us last night, as DD had cooked dinner for DS. Financially it was difficult but manageable. The close age gap has worked for us. However hard it might be for the parents, it has the potential to be the best scenario for the DC.

C0untDucku1a · 17/04/2018 21:56

Talk to your doctor about a coil or implant.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 17/04/2018 22:01

I had three under three at 24, prem births the whole stressful thing it was.

I wouldnt change it. My three girls are inseparable. You get to re-use all the baby equipment.

Its not an impossible situation, youll probably end up looking back and laughing that you ever thought you couldnt do it!! x

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