Roommates, boyfriends and beds

[notactuallyamum1]

Okay, so I'm not really looking for advice more of a rant. The back story is as follows, my current living situation is thus, I have a roommate, we literally share a bedroom the size of a stamp, it's super tiny. Initially this wasn't an issue, however we've both started dating recently.

My DP is one of our neighbours so we can hang out a lot pretty easily and if we want some alone time we can organise it around our respective roommates schedules with relative ease. However we never sleep at each other's houses, mainly because we're both pretty tall so sleeping two people one 5"7 and one 6"1 in a single bed just isn't going to work.

However, my roommates DP is technically homeless (although living on his friends sofa- I know complete catch). So if they want to hang out they always come to our place and end up kicking me out of our room- even if all they want to do is watch a film, they then end up falling asleep and I just feel uncomfortable going to bed in there.

I have tried being assertive about the situation and my roommate gets it, however her DP now just thinks I hate him, I don't- I just really need my sleep.

It's just really getting on my nerves that she gets to sleep in her bed all the time and I end up on our uncomfortable sofa at least twice a week.

Oh and he also brings his dog over which either stays downstairs and annoys me or gets to be closer to my bed than me.

Essentially I'm just fed up and needed a rant

Btw she doesn't 'get it' (as she might understand but she doesn't give a damn about you, so has chosen not to 'feel' your predicament). The phrase she is modelling is 'paying lip service'.

It's what people do that counts, not what they say.

YOu're just going to have to be really firm.

"It is unacceptable to have overnight gusts in OUR bedroom. You have been making me feel really uncomfortable. If you want to spend the night with your BF you will need to sleep on the floor/sofa in the sitting room, or elsewhere. NOT in our bedroom. OK?"

But, make sure they're observing normal rules of decency in the living room. No canoodling on the sofa before bedtime, or in front of you. It's your living room too. You don't want to end up a prisoner in your bedroom.

Most of all remember, you are not running a hostel. His housing situation is no concern of yours. (And so what if he doesn't like you? Why should he? Inconsiderate users generally don't like being rumbled).

I'd honestly get your boyfriend to hound these bullies, too. Just buy him a lilo. Park it on the floor next to your bed. 'Oh, X is staying, too. Since you've got Y living here, why not X, too?'

Unbelievable! Do something about it before you and friend end up falling out!

I can't quite understand the arrangement. Do you have two single beds in the room? Bunk beds? Are you sharing a double bed with your roommate?

You never stay the night with your boyfriend either, he is in the same scenario of only having a single bed?

Your staff accommodation is a one bedroom flat? Ugh. I'd be looking for another job. I'd not be sharing sleeping space with a colleague,
But - is the kitchen separate? In this scenario I'd be moving stuff around to make 2 bedsits with a shared kitchen and bathroom. I'd rather have my actual own exclusive space, even if it were small. The person who ends up with the larger space buys the tea and coffee supplies to help make up for the inequality in space.

Does your employer know the boyfriend and his dog is there?

OP stop being a pushover! If they want to hang out and watch a film why can't they do it in the living room?! Tell them from now on they can't use the room when you're sleeping and every single time it happens say to them 'you need to leave because I have to sleep now.' Repeat it over and over and over until they get the message.

Moving out is not an option, our housing is provided by our employer and we live in an area where housing is at a premium.

Are you an ESL teacher abroad? enquiring minds

Anyway, tell them both to get to fuck.

If anyone is on the sofa with the dog it should be him/them! Buy a blow up mattress and tell them to use it. Your room 'mate' is taking the proverbial.

Also have you thought of getting a second mattress, for the floor, for your DPs room? Store it under the first mattress when not in use.

When you want to go to bed bang on the door loudly and say 'I want to go to bed now, in my bed'

Overnight guests are a total no in this situation.

You pay for your room. He pays nothing. Your need to sleep in the bed you are paying for trumps his need to do whatever with your room mate. They are being outrageous. For God's sake put a stop to it. Tell them from now on if you want to be in YOUR room then you will be. Let them decamp to the sofa.

So it's not a one bedroom apartment, it's two bedroom with 4 girls in it (two per room). This is not a "hot bed for human trafficking", we all work for a holiday resort.

I'm going to have a chat with her later today, you're all right his lack of living space (and those of you who guessed it job) is not my problem and if they want to hang out and watch films while I'm home and wanting to go to bed go sit on the fucking sofa.

Is it a temp job?

Tell her if she wants to watch films with her DP she can use the living room and you will either go see your DP, go out or sit in the bedroom. Also tell her he can’t stay over anymore, end of story. Or if he does, they have to sleep on the sofa rather than you.

Well done OP. Best of luck for an amicable and constructive discussion.

The boyfriend is really in no position to be passing judgement! You need to sleep in your own bed, and you certainly shouldn't have to share your bedroom with someone else's boyfriend! If they want to spend time together he needs to organise his own room in his own apartment, or they stay in the living room.

She's realised I'm pissed off before I've even had to say anything as I've just had a text saying I can always ask them to leave our room!

Explained I feel awkward saying things as I'm not good at confrontation, however the lack of sleep seems to have helped! I also added I feel like her DP doesn't like me because of what I've said previously.

Waiting for a response, but thanks for all the advice!

YANBU, your roommate should not need to be asked to move her boyfriend out of your bedroom. She is being very rude and unreasonable. Her boyfriend sounds as thick as 2 short planks if he can't work out why you might not like this situation.

Suggest you make a rule which says no boyfriends allowed in the shared bedroom unless previously agreed. Or perhaps if you are feeling nice, maybe one or 2 days per week but out of there by 9 pm. And you can then have your boyfriend in the room in private on a different 2 days.

Who gives a fuck what her tramp boyfriend thinks of you? Fuck her response, too. You need to grow a pair. This is my bed and I need to sleep in it. If you want to watch a film you need to move.

Some lovely judgemental vocab on here! Hobo, tramp... The situation is untenable but there's no need for that.

What’s your employer’s policy about overnight guests in the accommodation that they provide?