Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to give naggy man a second chance?

43 replies

Tomayto · 16/04/2018 00:43

Hi all
NC but longish term user (I moved in when Mumsnet madness was still active!)

I met a man in a bar for a drink (date one) & we swapped numbers. Lots of texting for a few o weeks and some sexting Blush but I made it very clear that I don’t have sex until I’m very committed - think knowing each other for at least three months, etc (but other things are fine, just because it’s what I’m comfortable with)
Last night we went out for dinner (date 4) and he came back to mine after for ‘coffee’ as he’d missed the last train. We had a nice time Blush but he was absolutely desperate to actually have sex with me, almost nagging and kept asking for / reaching for a condom. Once he was finished he kept asking when I felt I’d be ready for P in V.

At the time I was just irritated by the nagging (not sexy) but when I told the story to my friends they were horrified and said he didn’t respect boundaries. Am I an idiot for thinking a second chance isn’t the worst idea ever? He was otherwise lovely and quite drunk

OP posts:
WillowWept · 16/04/2018 06:50

I think it depends what else was going on.

It you're sat cuddled up in sofa with a bit of snogging and he's constantly trying to stick his hand in your knickers you having made it clear that sex is not on the agenda then that's pretty revolting behaviour.

If you're writhing around naked and engaging in mutual masturbation I think he's entitled to ask if you're going to have P in V without being deemed a sex pest.

What was your response when he reached for a condom? Did you verbally inform him that P in V was off cards or were you just batting his hand away? Or something in between?

Of course you can set your boundaries wherever you see fit but you do need to be clear about what they are.

kissthealderman · 16/04/2018 06:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngryAttackKittens · 16/04/2018 06:53

No doubt next time the excuse will be that he's lost his keys.

Bin him.

BalloonSlayer · 16/04/2018 06:54

Once he was finished he kept asking when I felt I’d be ready for P in V.

Finished what? His coffee or were you (or he) having some sort of sex?

notsohippychick · 16/04/2018 07:00

Did he actually use the term P in V? On that grounds alone I’d kick him to the curb!!

But in a serious note, what a creep. Massive red flag. Go with your instincts and dump him!

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/04/2018 07:00

What sort of nice time did you have? You added a Blush so I assume something went on. As a pp said, if you were performing sex acts on eachother and then he wanted piv, it’s different from forcing it on you when you were just snogging. Not that I’m saying you had to concede under any circumstances.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 16/04/2018 07:03

Tomato, you owe him nothing, ghost him.

FinallyHere · 16/04/2018 07:04

almost nagging

Ugh.

And as @BalloonSlayer asked, finished what did he still get his orgasm?

Honestly, @Tomayto how did you enjoy that evening? It seems he trampled all over your boundaries, are you really OK with, so much so that you are thinking of going back for more? Were those your boundaries or did you just say those things for show? What did you get out of it?

Are you really thinking of giving him another chance? If you show someone that nagging can get them what they want, what kind of a life would you have together?

Im very sorry you had such a horrible time and i really hope you fine someone decent in the future.

Dozer · 16/04/2018 07:05

Your friends sound more sensible than you.

“Nagging” is not what this was.

Mydoghatesthebath · 16/04/2018 07:05

Yes I don’t get the ‘when he had finished’

Was that finished nagging?? He sounds like a terrible teenage boy

rocketgirl22 · 16/04/2018 07:20

I would finish this relationship. No respect for you whatsoever.

Sadsnake · 16/04/2018 07:22

So you've seen how he would be if you were together and you had a headache or simply didn't feel like sex....he's clearly learned somewhere along the way that. That behaviour gets him what he wants....no I wouldn't see him again...I've been with my husband 26 yrs and he's never done that,wouldn't be my husband if he had..

Lacucuracha · 16/04/2018 07:23

Coercing someone into sex is rape.

Really?! [comfused]

He sounds lecherous and disrespective of OP's boundaries, but not a rapist *.

pictish · 16/04/2018 07:42

Badgering a new prospective partner for sex like that is inappropriate, not to mention downright unattractive. He sounds like a whining kid but instead of wanting a sweetie he wants access to your vagina. Yuck!

He’s no gentleman, that’s for sure. If he feels so entitled to get what he wants four dates in, can you imagine what he’d be like in a fully established relationship? Constant mithering I’ll bet. Ugh.

Fruitcorner123 · 16/04/2018 07:54

No don't see him again and make sure you don't ghost him. Tell him why so that he can learn it's not ok and it might not happen to another woman.

KC225 · 16/04/2018 07:58

Not naggy. Sex pest

Mulberry72 · 16/04/2018 08:09

Yuck. He’s sounds awful OP!

Block/ignore/ghost.

He’s not a nice man.

Weezol · 16/04/2018 09:54

Lacucaracha - I didn't say he was a rapist in this instance. I phrased it incredibly badly and should have expanded. I was quite triggered by the OP's account and posted in haste.

Badgering, nagging, threatening in order to make a victim comply with p in v sex is coercion.
www.refinery29.uk/2016/12/182707/sexual-coercion-definition-types-of-rape-examples

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread