More WWUD really, posting for traffic here.
Half a lifetime ago (literally) I had an invasive surgery. When I woke up, I couldn’t move or even open my eyes. It scared the bejesus out of me as I panicked that I’d stop breathing and wouldn’t be able to call for help until I realized I had the machine breathing for me. Since then I had psychological issues with breathing (can’t stand people touching my neck, even lovingly, have paranioa about suffocating etc). Always had it under control though, never spoke to a professional about it, very few people know about it.
And then recently I went through emergency C-section while in labour with my DC. I had anaesthetics which effectively paralysed me not just below my waist but all below my neck. I’ve gone through many complex surgeries in my life and normally I’m the one cracking jokes with the surgeons till I pass out and supporting my loved ones before I am taken to the theatre. Not this time. I was shocked to discover how scared I was of not being able to move. I, the forever brave soldier, was crying and asking to let me go. I was in such a raving panic that the only person who could calm me down was anaesthesiologist. I apologised to him and the surgeons later on.
Now, months later, I cant stop thinking about my irrational fear and wondering - I was so petrified of being paralysed and I know where it is stemming from, do I need to seek help? It came as a horrible shocking surprise but it’s not like it’s affecting my everyday life, so am I really making it worse by sweeping it under the carpet?
I am not talking nesseseraly going on NHS but should I be seeking any help, including private? Has anyoneone tackled a fear like that? I would relally appreciate some advice from MNters who’s been in a similar position! And sorry for such a long post!! Tia!!