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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Re Joint Account

14 replies

MrsSmile · 15/04/2018 22:52

Namechanged.

Been with OH 9 years got married last year.

We have children but none together. I get significantly less maintenance than he pays, he earns a lot more but has debts, some his own terrible spending and some not really his fault. We decided to get a joint bank account to pool all our money and pay everything together then split what’s left.

He has agreed I can be in charge of the account as I am very anxious as I got into a lot of debt years ago paying my mortgage (which I had for 10 years before I met him and he is now joint on and did not contribute anything other that getting a loan for a new kitchen - which I will obvs now be paying half of anyway).

Anyway switch happened this week (halfway through the month is shit anyway) but I had £800 quid left which was transferred and he had just over £100 and has basically caned his bank account paying a speeding fine etc meaning my money has to support him for the rest of the month. I wanted to get his debts under control - but this is taking the absolute piss, a week ago he had £900 after bills.

I am fucking furious with him AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSmile · 15/04/2018 22:54

Sorry meant to also say my ex husband was very controlling financially which is why this is a big deal for me and am so pissed off I am going to be bloody skint the rest of the month.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 15/04/2018 22:59

YANBU at all.

What’s his explanation? How’s he going to make the money back? Is he sorry? Is it likely to happen again?

If he can’t be trusted - and he’s pretty much fucked things up already hasn’t he - then you’ll have to go back to separate accounts.

Original poster
MrsSmile · 15/04/2018 23:04

I know - I have a separate current account and a savings account (which I have saved money for my MOT in and will prob now have to dip into). The separate account was to put my “share” in so I won’t have to justify what I buy.

I am seriously thinking I will get my wages paid into there.

I asked what he would have done if I had done the same and he said “used the overdraft” Hmm

I have caused just been promoted and am earning a decent wage for the first time ever but may end up with less money than before and he doesn’t get why I am pissed off Sad

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 15/04/2018 23:07

Could you both put a chunk into a joint account for all the bills leaving yourselves a spending amount each for your own things? Then he can pay his speeding fines etc from his own share?

Original poster
MrsSmile · 15/04/2018 23:10

That’s what we will do but this month I have no choice and I feel so bloody angry with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSmile · 15/04/2018 23:27

Is it financially abusive?

OP posts:
Ivorbig1 · 15/04/2018 23:39

No it’s stupid twattish behaviour!
Do not pool all your money.
Work out the bill s and pay half each into joint account on pay day, no later.
Sounds safer, but in reality are you staying in all month because he can’t afford to, or will you pay for him as well?

Ivorbig1 · 15/04/2018 23:40

Afford to go out

WatchoutDSisdriving · 15/04/2018 23:43

How much was the speeding fine??

Original poster
MrsSmile · 15/04/2018 23:44

There were two Hmm

OP posts:
YeahAndThenWhat · 16/04/2018 08:47

You can be mad at him for a speeding fine. How did he get two? I guess he got points too and it's going to cause a problem for his insurance.

Teatogo · 16/04/2018 08:59

Get rid of the joint account smartish they are not a good idea if you oh has debt or runs up debt. Same for joint credit cards. Do not agreed to be a secondary account holder on his or him on yours. Run a full credit check so you know the extent of his debts (I'll put money on the fact you dont) do it regularly

Marriage is also a very bad idea if one of you has debts, but not a lot you can do about that one now. One way or another you will be paying for his debt while you are still together. Having been there is would ltb and secure my own future. I wouldn't be married or living with him.

digestOfDigest · 16/04/2018 09:10

Speeding fines are stupid but it's the reason for his unusual spending.

It seems strange that 'my money supporting him' is used in a marriage with a joint account.

I think you're being very unreasonable but I wonder if I'm missing the point.

If your question was 'AIBU to be pissed of at DH's speeding fines' then I'd completely be on your side.

Hont1986 · 16/04/2018 09:54

I don't think you should insist on a joint account then still talk about 'my money' and 'his money'

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