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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

about throwing flowers in the bin?

22 replies

WaxOnFeckOff · 15/04/2018 22:01

My DM died a week ago, work sent me flowers which were lovely and a lovely thought and I put them in a vase in the livingroom. DH kept constantly sneezing so we eventually figured it could be the flowers. He moved them through to the utility room and then stopped sneezing so that confirmed it. Later on, I was hanging washing in the utility so I moved them into the kitchen (this is open plan to the dining room and study area). I went through to the study area to tell DH something in the evening and before I could say anything he said he'd moved the flowers back to the utility room as they were bothering him even the big open plan area. I said they may as well go in the bin as no-one could see them and constantly moving them was likely to end up with a broken vase. He bristled about it and then marched and put them back in the livingroom. He then avoided using the living room at all today so before dinner while he was out, I put them in the bin.

We've now had a fight as apparently I've binned them just to make him feel worse. No, I've binned them as it's pointless having them where they are in the way all the time and no-one, including me, can see them. I asked him what he wanted me to do with them, he eventually said that I shouldn't have binned them, just put them somewhere that he wasn't...which is where exactly? Ended up fighting about other stuff too which isn't relevant to the AIBU. As a consequence now I am feeling shitty, I have to go back to work tomorrow which I am feeling bad enough about and I still have a week until the funeral.

I know it sounds really petty and it is but was IBU?

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Fruitcorner123 · 15/04/2018 22:04

Sounds like hes being a bit attention seeking given that your mum has just died. He's making it all about him by complaining. Up to you whether the flowers are thrown out and when. Not worth arguing about. Sorry to hear about your mum Flowers

TheQueenOfWands · 15/04/2018 22:04

Yes.

The flowers were making him unwell. He needed to move them.

BlondeB83 · 15/04/2018 22:06

Maybe you could have given them to a neighbour? It’s a shame they went in the bin.

ShinyMe · 15/04/2018 22:06

Next time, cut out all the stamens and give them a good shake outside to get any excess pollen off.

WaxOnFeckOff · 15/04/2018 22:08

Yes, Queen I know he needed to move them but there was no where to put them that wasn't causing inconvenience or it meant they couldn't be seen anyway so my feeling was that they may as well be in the bin. That's not to say I wasn't disappointed and a bit annoyed but I know it wasn't his fault. It seemed pointless keeping them and moving them about constantly when I couldn't get any pleasure from them.

Thanks fruit

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TwatWaffle · 15/04/2018 22:08

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum Flowers Sad

I think he was harsh and should be more forgiving, given you are grieving at the moment. Things always blow up out of proportion when you're emotional.

Hope work goes ok for you tomorrow, and good luck with the funeral.

WaxOnFeckOff · 15/04/2018 22:09

I did think about giving them to a neighbour but I'd already had them a week so they were getting past their best. I'd have kept them up for another week personally if there hadn't been an issue but I'd have felt bad passing them on.

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Almondsupreme · 15/04/2018 22:10

He needs to cop on , your mum just died and he's being a dick. Sorry about your mum

KnittingOnEmpty · 15/04/2018 22:11

Sorry you've lost your mum. It sounds like emotions are very raw and you are undertandably feeling fragile and your dh should be being extra caring, not getting the hump. I suppose under ordinary circumstances your binning the flowers could be seen as over reacting, however, he should have been the bigger person in this instance and as said above, not making it 'about him'.

UpstartCrow · 15/04/2018 22:11
Flowers

YANBU. I think its awful that he's trying to make you feel bad about his feelings at this time.

WaxOnFeckOff · 15/04/2018 22:13

Thanks shiny and twat, yes, I think I am over emotional. I've very hard to buy for so it's really all anyone ever buys for me. I'd only recently just put out flower that he bought me for my anniversary and he'd been sneezing then too but just thought he had a cold. Didn't put two and two together until the new flowers arrived and it started again. I think he was also annoyed that he probably can't buy me flowers again either.

I didn't know that about the stamens etc either shiny so will maybe just buy a cheap bunch in a while and give that a try.

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Bluelady · 15/04/2018 22:14

I'm so sorry you've lost your mum, that hurts so much. I think he's behaving like a spoilt brat. He should be looking after you and supporting you, not picking fights with you.

Personally I'd have given him some antihistamine and put tge flowers where I could see them. I feel quite sad for you that they ended up in the bin and something intended to comfort and a symbol of your colleagues' concern ended up in the bin. 🌹

WaxOnFeckOff · 15/04/2018 22:17

Yep, he definitely took at as me over-reacting but in all seriousness I don't know what else i could have done. Parade flowers back and forth through the house all day every day?

Thing is, I've been okay most of the week that I've been off work and now I am going back and feel shit. I was stressing about it a bit as I can't really cope with people being kind. I've already said to colleague and boss that I just want to come in, get my head down and be "normal".

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WaxOnFeckOff · 15/04/2018 22:21

I did take a nice photo of them so I can take it in and show everyone. As I say the argument ended up expanding and I told him that it was the talking over me when i had gone to tell him something that initially bothered me, as if hat I had to say had no importance, I concluded by telling him to fuck off and then went to get the shopping (another part of the argument), I came back and made up the lunches for tomorrow (another part of the argument) and he went to bed.

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stopfuckingshoutingatme · 15/04/2018 22:22

Sorry OP Flowers these things can often kick off after a bereavement . It’s very normal and human x go to bed and good luck tomorrow

Landed · 15/04/2018 22:25

My dDH suffers so i put flowers in the soil outside and they last for longer than in a vase. Sorry about you DM a very emotional time.

WaxOnFeckOff · 15/04/2018 22:26

Thanks stop. I'll wait till he is asleep. I've not been sleeping well anyway so no point trying until at least midnight. We've both had a lot of big losses since we've known each other, he's lost both parents the last when DSs were toddlers and a brother around the same time. I lost my brother and Dad around the same time so DSs have only had my Mum in terms of a grandparent and she's been unwell for months. We just got her moved out of hospital into a lovely care home and she lasted 10 days.

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WaxOnFeckOff · 15/04/2018 22:29

I didn't know you could do that either landed. He does have a lot of allergies but this isn't one that we've particularly noticed before, he won't take antihistamines as they apparently don't agree with him either.

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montenotte · 15/04/2018 22:36

the pollen has really peaked this weekend, ds is suffering terribly.

if antihistamines don't agree with him, try a different type - there are quite a few (not just different brand but actually a different antihistamine).

also worth loading up on vitamin C, zinc etc..

sorry about your mum.

gingerscot · 15/04/2018 22:41

Did they have lillies in them? I'm horribly allergic to lillies but ok with most other flowers. Try avoiding them and see how he gets on.

Sorry about your mum x

WaxOnFeckOff · 15/04/2018 22:48

It was this bouquet so yes to lillies:

www.marksandspencer.com/serene-bouquet/p/p60006625?prevPage=plp&pdpredirect

But I don't think there were lillies in the bouquet I had the other week.

montenotte thanks for the info, he won't try another type as he'd rather just moan I think.

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WaxOnFeckOff · 15/04/2018 22:50

I've definitely had lillies before and don't think he's had the same reaction. I have a cat so I'm aware they are poisonous so keep the flowers up on the mantelpiece away from the cat. She doesn't jump up on surfaces thankfully.

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