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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mother in laws rude comments!

22 replies

ClaryFray · 15/04/2018 18:48

I'm fully prepared to be told in being unreasonable, but DP and I have had a disagreement.

Last night we had his two children to stay, and the youngest (3) stayed on a blow up bed on the floor in our room. The two older boys were sharing the one other bedroom in the house. It's not ideal, 5 people in a 2 bed but we're looking to move. And currently were stuck.

Youngest DS is currently bedless at our house. Because DP stays with his mum in a five bedroom house every other weekend with his two DC because space isn't ideal. Too many arguments between kids if on top of one another with no space.

Well, ex wife kicked of because oldest DSS had gone home to tell his mum that youngest had slept in our room. She took it to mean in our bed with us and went loopy. Rung DP, lots of screaming, swearing and threats, DP our the phone down. Ex rung mother in law, whom then rung DP.

Mil said she could see ex wife point, and DP should "leave her alone" meaning me. She was implying the DP and I were having sex in the room with dss asleep!

I'm angry! And offended. Think MIL should know that wouldn't happen and tbh I don't think she needed to say it.

DP says she is only reminding us of what we already know. And I'm rung silly.

Whose being unreasonable ?

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 15/04/2018 18:53

Oh that's a bit off and very offensive. I suspect your husband has reverted to child and do what mummy says and can't look at it objectively. I'd also be very angry at that. I don't think you can do much about it though.

abbsisspartacus · 15/04/2018 18:55

Tell him to grow up and tell his mother the truth he isn't an infant

Thislittlepiggy1 · 15/04/2018 18:56

How disgusting! To assume that you would have sex whilst they're not only in the room but in your bed??!! Eeerm do they realise how serious of an allegation this is?

TeasndToast · 15/04/2018 18:56

That comment doesn’t sound like she was referring to you at all never mind having sex. It sounds like she agrees with Ex and meant ‘don’t have a go’ at the ex. If you are sure then YANBU to be offended but it’s not worth falling out over. It probably wasn’t meant unkindly, just a warning to her son.

To be honest, I would feel uncomfortable with my child sleeping in the same room as my ex and his wife. I’ve been married for years and my children don’t stay in the same room as me and my husband because he is their step dad. So I can understand the ex’s point but you didn’t do anything maliciously. For your part it might be best to just let this one go. There will be bigger battles to face if the ex is a ‘screamy shouty’ kinda person.

Mydoghatesthebath · 15/04/2018 19:00

Erm don’t people ever have sex with young children in the room or even bed? On holiday? Staying over places. Ffs it happens. Thr child is asleep and you are quiet.

Op it’s not your mil whose the problem here. Sounds like the ex doesn’t trust your dh to act properly why?

lanbury · 15/04/2018 19:03

I would be seething! Your DP needs to sort his mother out!!

Mightymucks · 15/04/2018 19:04

Yes, it sounds to me like she was telling DH to leave his ex alone. It does sound like it would be better for him to have access at his mothers so the children all have a bed.

DairyisClosed · 15/04/2018 19:09

I think that you have misunderstood.

Juells · 15/04/2018 19:32

To be honest, I would feel uncomfortable with my child sleeping in the same room as my ex and his wife.

I got very annoyed when I found out my 8-year-old DD was sleeping in the same room as my ex and his girlfriend.

if the ex is a ‘screamy shouty’ kinda person.

I was that ‘screamy shouty’ kinda person.

Pengggwn · 15/04/2018 20:03

I think it is ridiculous to get angry no because your child is sleeping in the same room as their dad, whether the new partner is there or not. They are being ridiculous.

fruitbrewhaha · 15/04/2018 20:36

Erm don’t people ever have sex with young children in the room or even bed?

Nope

Ex and MIL sound awful. What's with all the strange assumptions? The normal approach is to call to ask questions. Are they a bit thick? Where exactly did she think the DCs would be sleeping, when she knows you only have 2 bedrooms?

IAmWonkoTheSane · 15/04/2018 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotTakenUsername · 15/04/2018 20:40

Mydoghatesthebath That’s another vote for aaaam... nope!

Dancingmonkey87 · 15/04/2018 20:46

It’s not really an appropriate step up is for a child do that age and I wouldn’t be impressed if I was the mother. Can all the dc not share together or your bedroom? Surely you would have accommodated the dc prior to moving in.

LiquoricePickle · 16/04/2018 00:47

Of course people have sex while a baby or young child is in the room /bed with them. Asleep. Not aware. Not caring.

Your MIL sounds like she's trying to find a reason to be angry.

blackteasplease · 16/04/2018 01:06

A baby in the cot in the room, for instance under 6 months so recommended to sleep There, yes.

A child in the same room or worst of all in the bed, no

IAmWonkoTheSane · 16/04/2018 01:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nursy1 · 16/04/2018 02:16

Well I’ve had sex in same bed as baby is sleeping in with us but not a three year old. Bit too much aware and might be scared if they woke up.
That’s not the op point though is it? What happened was perfectly reasonable. Your DH should tell his Mum exactly what the situation was and warn her off being drawn into situations where she gets in between you and ex. It sounds reall6 unhealthy.
If I was your mil I would have asked first before judging.

Birdsgottafly · 16/04/2018 02:27

I wonder why he's doing a bit of shit stirring tbh. That conversation doesn't even flow, so I doubt it happened like that.

He does have two children and is there no way a double with a single bunk on top would fit in the room? Has he moved into a house with you that was unsuitable for his children? I can see his ex's POV.

She hasn't said it to you, she's said it to him. She may have overstepped the boundaries, but she's being dragged into this, because he hasn't secured a place were he can have contact without involving her.

He should have delayed moving in and stayed with the arrangements at his Mum's.

CannaeBeErsed · 16/04/2018 02:31

How bloody ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with a child sleeping in the same room as a parent and their partner on occasion! We wouldn't bat an eye if they were camping? Or staying in a hotel?
I'd be pissed with both MIL (for assuming that you had sex with a child in the room) and ex for kicking off. If the child had been put in the living room I'm sure she'd be just as mad.
You can't help it if there's just no room. Not everyone can up and move house when they like.

sockunicorn · 16/04/2018 03:07

mydogneedsabath ummm no! What if the child woke up and saw you?! Plus why would you be turned on when there’s a young child in the bed. I struggle to do things with them in the bloody house let alone room!

2andcountingtodate · 16/04/2018 21:37

Yanbu op and your mil, the ex and your dp is.

We have sex with our lo in the room but not for mucb longer. He is 1.5 and if we didnt we would never have sex in bed. We do it in the dark, joys of blackout blinds.

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