When I was little I was very, very shy and found it hard to make friends. I did have a few friends and probably would have been happy enough but my dad put pressure on me to socialise more and made me very anxious about it.
He was a good dad overall and worked hard for us and was kind most of the time but if you did something very wrong he had a temper and it was very intimidating. He never hit me but the threat was there as he would charge at me looking absolutely fuming with his face extremely angry. When I was 8 for example I stole some of his coins out of a big jar that was left out on the kichen counter and bought myself some marbles and some other things. I'm not sure how much I stole and it was obviously wrong but I remember the time he realised I had done it. All I remember is hiding in a cupboard while he was roaring about trying to find me. I don't remember what happened after that but it probably just involved shouting in a scary way. I know if my child stole money from me I might be disappointed but would focus on trying to help them to not do it again rather than flipping and terrifying them.
On a few occassions he totally lost control about my shyness. I remember sitting in the back of the car once while he roared for ages, very loudly about how I was as awkward as two left feet. He parked the car and went for a walk, leaving me in the car crying. When he came back he had calmed down and was genuinely sorry - and apologised.
Another time I remember him telling me he'd have to bring me to a pyschologist. He wasn't saying it in a kind way - more in a way that showed my behaviour was so odd he'd have to resort to medical help. Really I was just anxious and quiet and timid.
Anyway, whenever I visit him now he often comments positively that my children are not shy. I know not being shy will probably make things easier for them in life but I just hate him even raising the topic. Its like its such a relief to him that they aren't flawed like me. He brings it up quite a bit. Everytime he says 'x is not at all shy' I just reply with 'so?' or 'would it matter if he was?' and he doesn't really say anything.
I have never told anyone about what my dad did as its like I have a deep shame about my personality. I have never even told DH even though I have told him absolutely everything else in my life. I feel ashamed for some reason that I can't explain even though logically I know there is nothing wrong with being shy. Despite being shy I have a job, a DH, my DCs etc and a mostly happy life.
My dad has never had an friends so I think he had his own issues with socialising and maybe was overly anxious about me as a result.