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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take 14 month old out in the evening

14 replies

Peanutbutterandhoney · 15/04/2018 10:31

My baby is a terrible sleeper but does best if we stick to a routine at bedtime. But family & friends keep asking us to bring him to dinner. Grandparents have a travel cot & we’ve tried putting him to bed there then getting him into the car (in travel grobag) & 10 minute drive home & back into bed. It doesn’t really work. They said why don’t we just bring him in to dinner & have him at the table...till 9 at least. I’ve resisted so far. AIBU?

OP posts:

Neverender · 15/04/2018 10:34

It's up to you but either take him and have some fun, or don't and never see anyone. I chose the first option. DD is 16 months and goes everywhere we want to go, but it's always been like that. We just get the pushchair flat and she sleeps though, so I can understand your resistance.

I don't think this is really U or not, just your preference.

divadee · 15/04/2018 10:35

We have the same. She won't sleep anywhere but her cot or the car. We just tell people that we can have an early dinner with them at about 5 and get home in time for her bedtime or we don't go.

NataliaOsipova · 15/04/2018 10:37

I wouldn't say you're being unreasonable.....your baby and up to you and all that. That said, having been in your shoes, I would say that not being stuck to routine is actually a huge benefit as kids get older, as it allows you a heck of a lot more flexibility as to what you do as a family. So I'd be tempted to give it a go and see what happens.

raviolidreaming · 15/04/2018 10:41

Same as divadee for us. I wish it was as simple as 'either take him and have some fun, or don't and never see anyone' - it's not a massive amount of fun to have DS (15 months) becoming increasingly distressed and screaming in his pushchair because he's overtired and wants his bed, or is fighting to get out of being held / from a highchair.

Coffeeisnecessary · 15/04/2018 10:44

I think you are right, it's only a short stage of your life and think if he settles best at home then socialising has to change for a while. I have friends who took their children out late but that wasn't for me, just looked more hassle than it was worth and kids do love routine. Maybe invite people round to your place more?

Fruitcorner123 · 15/04/2018 10:45

I wouldn't go. Our family and friends made concessions and we will/have done for them. When a child is a bit older it's easier to let them have late nights as a treat (although i have sever1al friends who wouldnt even do this) but 14 months is still a baby. Rather than just saying no offer alternatives. Can they have you round for sunday lunch or come to yours one evening?

melonribenia · 15/04/2018 10:47

Ds2 is 18 mths and would not just happily doze off in a buggy while in a restaurant. He would scream and get overtired. He also goes to bed at 7 and gets naughty and upset if kept up longer. We just stay at home or get a babysitter. Or go out for lunch.
All babies are different but no one has fun if the baby is distressed.
It's only a short time in your lives really. Ds1 is 5 and stays up late with no bother.

Original poster

Peanutbutterandhoney · 15/04/2018 13:51

Thanks so much for all the replies. I never wanted to be all about routines (& we have tried going out at 5.30, which is slightly easier though still throws the baby for the night) but we just seem to have a bit of a tricky child when it comes to sleep so I guess we are stuck for now. He almost never sleeps in his pushchair so can’t do that. And we do have people over but they don't seem satisfied! Just feel so much pressure & judgment from grandparents & others for not just having him at the table...but hopefully that’ll change as he gets bigger. Really useful to hear your experiences.

OP posts:

Mydoghatesthebath · 15/04/2018 16:43

Hear you op and smile at the ‘just do it posts’

We had 6 kids and 5 of them would be fine.cuddle to sleep and shove anywhere. Dc2 however would not sleep anywhere but his own cot. He’s 26 now and still pikki!

You do what suits you and your baby op. It will soon change as he gets older anyway so it’s onky temporary.

LannieDuck · 15/04/2018 16:48

I've been there, and it's hard. Our PILs loved seeing the girls, but always wanted to arrange it around meals, and they eat late in the evening.

Even when MIL said she'd have the baby on her lap for the meal, I knew it would still be me/DH dealing with the crying, fussy, overtired baby while everyone else tucked into their warm meals... normally me if I'm honest, because he'd be deep in conversation with his folks. At the best, I'd end up with baby asleep on my lap for the duration. It was never a fun outing for me, but of course everyone else got to see the lovely baby at no cost to their own enjoyment, so they didn't understand why I was reluctant.

Plus DH and I then had the treat of having to deal with an unsettled baby overnight and the next day.

I'm glad the girls are older now, and they can cope with staying up later.

raviolidreaming · 15/04/2018 17:05

Plus DH and I then had the treat of having to deal with an unsettled baby overnight and the next day

This is the crux for me. It's the knock on effect that's so frustrating, particularly as nobody else gets to see it.

Dahlietta · 15/04/2018 17:38

DS1 was very much a routine baby and we resisted all attempts from family to prove we were just being uptight and it would all be fine. It just wasn't worth a night of disrupted sleep! DS2 is totally different and we can take him anywhere and he will still sleep.

snowballsandsunshine · 15/04/2018 20:30

Stick to what suits you. I was always of the view that 'my child will fit in with me and my plans'.... until I had her! She's just turned two and since she was 8/9 months old she's had a bedtime routine and settled brilliantly in her cot (now bed). I literally take her up, give her a kiss, say goodnight and she rolls over and goes to sleep.

If I try to take her out after bedtime she doesn't think it's fun, or a treat, she gets increasingly overtired until she screams and then no one has a nice time. She's just got to the point where we'll take a travel cot to grandparents and she'll go down there and we stay over but it's only been recently. She wouldn't have done it a few months ago.

We used to either arrange to go out earlier, get a sitter once she was asleep or just go out separately if it was a family event one of us really needed to go to. We still do that, if we aren't visiting grandparents.

widgetbeana · 15/04/2018 20:36

I both my dds were great sleepers in a bed. But try and take them out or mess with the sleep schedule and there was hell to pay. My eldest is 6 now and for about the last year we can stretch her to 9pm with no drama. It has been 4 years of our lives we couldn't go out for dinner with them. It really isn't long in the grand scheme of things.

If people were really bothered they could come to us for late dinner, or if they wanted dinner with children they did it at their mealtimes. If they disagreed then I simply declined.

Just explain calmly and clearly. And as Dr Seuss said
"Those who mind don't matter, those who matter so mind!"

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