Hiding texts to his ex

[Scrambledheads]

Sorry if this is long. Have had a boyfriend for ten months. I have two dcs and he has one, a dd who is 2.5. His ex left in the night with his dd just after her first birthday, and took everything from his house whilst he was away with friends. He had a long court battle with her to get access, spending 16k and having to sell his house to pay for it.
She accused him of ea and violence towards her and his dd, which was all dismissed in court after several investigations etc she changed her mind and dropped the accusations.
I met him and supported him through this difficult time, and our relationship developed. He constantly asked for my advice about his dd as he has no experience with children, he begged me to stay with him several times as she is a poor sleeper and I managed to get her into a good routine and she sleeps 12 hours, I taught him how to play with her and how important good food and fresh air are etc etc. He also asked me several times how to respond to awful accusing messages from the ex partner. Accusations made about weekends when I or his mother were constantly present so I knew they were absolute rubbish. Anyway, we had an argument three weeks ago because he's bothered me on a family outing to write a reply text to the ex regarding her shortening his contact time for her nail/hair appointments. I helped him write a factual, straightforward reply (he tends to put emotional language in and I don't want her to get the satisfaction of his upset) and I had found the text on his phone followed by an apology from him for his poor attitude and thanking her for being patient with him.
This irritated me as he wasted my time by getting me to help him and then completely undermined the content of the message!
Last night following pickup of his dd (I drove my car as a favour as it's a 2.5 hour journey and he does it a lot, she refuses to drive) and he asked me to send the text to say we've arrived back safely. He was bathing his dd. I flicked onto the message screen and found that he had bought this woman a gift and card for Mother's Day, and there were texts saying thank you. There were also several more apologies for his 'attitude' to her.
I confronted him and asked why he would do this and his defence is that he's scared of her and her accusing him or removing his dd again. I explained that if she breaches the court order then she will be in huge trouble, and that all the accusations were proved false last time and they would be again. She also can't afford to take him to court without legal aid from a dv accusation. He knows all this but still he seems to go behind my back to be nice to a woman who ruined his life!
Aibu to break it off? I can't help but think he must have serious issues to be trying to be nice to someone who has done all of this and who will never stop trying to ruin him.
I can't get over him keeping it a secret either.

You have really gone above and beyond to help this man and he probably is afraid of his ex partner.
I could not stay with such a gutless man.

Well....personally I think he's showing how nice he is! Many, many Dads will do the same for the Mother of their child even if they're split!

My DH would....I would bet money on it. He's bought her flowers and a card for Mother's Day because she's the Mother of his child...and I would encourage him to continue to do so and sign the gift from his DD....when his DD is old enough she can help choose the presents.

It's normal. You seem to want her to be punished for being whatever she is....she might not have been a perfect person during their split but after having a child and then splitting up with their Father, you could be forgiven for being unbalanced.

Imo she will always pull his strings and you will be behind her (the ex) in his priorities.

Walk away.

I don’t think I would want to be with someone who needs such intense support with normal every day things (the importance of fresh air fgs?!).

What is he giving back to you?

Also yes, the craven attitude would piss me off immensely and will show badly if they do go back to court.

Or maybe he just wants what’s best for his daughter and is trying to be amicable? Sending a mother’s Day gift is a decent thing to do when you have a child with someone.

It's touching that you have such a caring relationship with your adult son. But you risk smothering him and not allowing him independence....

Oh wait, this is your partner! Honestly, I'd not stand being with someone who a) needed telling that fresh air and healthy eating were important or b) was proud of their role in informing me of such.

Forget the ex stuff. You are onto a massive loser by casting yourself as the caring one in this relationship. Because all you will ever do is care, and all he'll ever do is mooch off that.

His ex left after one year, his child was a year old, have I got that right? Yet he had no clue how to parent his child and had to be taught by you? He sounds useless. No wonder she left him. You should too.

Those saying it's a nice thing to do - I agree. My stbxh gets me gifts for birthday/Mother's Day etc but I did not take his child in the middle of the night, empty his house of everything he owned and falsely accuse him of abuse like she did. (It has been proven that the accusations are lies) My issue is half with spending money on this person and half him hiding it from me!