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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say no to the dog

25 replies

Springnowplease · 15/04/2018 08:34

I don't like indoor pets. I would never have a cat or a dog, it's not something that my or DH's family did. Both DSs (now adult and left home) have asthma and are allergic to most animals. They are frequent visitors, popping in all the time.

I have a friend from years ago who has asked to break her journey her tomorrow and have lunch with us. I don't mind this at all, we are the sort of friends who are able to ask small favours like that.

I established years ago that her dog was not welcome when she visited. She did try to bring him once but I still wouldn't let him in because I thought she had a cheek bringing him in the first place, he's a very hairy dog. So that was quite a short visit and since then she's left him at home.

DH has just wondered aloud if she will have the dog with her tomorrow. I have a horrible feeling she will as she's visiting family for a couple of days. She didn't mention him when she asked to call in.

WIBU to just say no if she turns up on the doorstep with the hairy beast? I feel mean but her dog is not the most disciplined dog in the world and sheds like a hay lorry.

OP posts:

whiteroseredrose · 15/04/2018 08:37

Check in advance. Be honest and say that you're just making sure the dog isn't coming because she knows how you feel about him.

shushpenfold · 15/04/2018 08:37

I would text and say, sorry but as per last time, dog will have to stay in the car (unless of course she’s coming by train, in which case it’s flipping difficult) Texting will at least bring about the conversation.

Original poster

Springnowplease · 15/04/2018 08:38

You're right of course. It's British awkwardness that prevents me from just saying.

OP posts:

chatwoo · 15/04/2018 08:38

Presumably there's no reason he can't be left in the garden - or taken for a walk and then go back into the car (depending on how long the visit is going to be)?

I don't think it's unreasonable to say the dog cannot come into the house, particularly as that is what you have previously established.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 15/04/2018 08:39

I would check the situation re the dog. Can he be put in the garden?

Original poster

Springnowplease · 15/04/2018 08:41

He could go in the garden but he's a bit of a digger. If it's nice we could eat outside and that would solve the problem because he'd be on his lead.

I tend to overthink this sort of thing because so many people think my animal ban isn't fair.

OP posts:

sonjadog · 15/04/2018 08:42

The dog can be left in the car. In the shade with windows open if it is warm. There is no need for the dog to come inside.

frenchfancy · 15/04/2018 08:44

Your animal ban is perfectly fair - it is your home.

OneStepSideways · 15/04/2018 08:44

If she brings the dog just say 'sorry, I can't have the dog in the house. He can stay in the car or you could put him in the garden' (tied to something so he can't destroy it digging!)

Veterinari · 15/04/2018 08:44

To be honest you sound pretty unwelcoming! It’s nice you’ve designed to grant your friend the ‘small favour’ of breaking her journey But a shame you can’t tolerate the dog even for an hour or so.

By the way, exposure to pets in childhood has been shown to reduce the risk of asthma development...

FASH84 · 15/04/2018 08:45

He'll only be there for a short while, put him in the garden and keep an eye on him. So you might choose to run a hoover round once they're gone if he comes through the house, but that's a small price to pay to spend time with a friend, no?

Wolfiefan · 15/04/2018 08:46

Is there somewhere you could go out to for lunch if she arrives with the dog? Presuming she has her car and wouldn't expect to put the dog in yours?

CuntPuffin · 15/04/2018 08:48

If she is only staying for lunch, the dog can stay in the car. Windows can be left open etc. There is no need for the dog to come in your house.

EeeSheWasThin · 15/04/2018 08:48

I loved my dog and took him everywhere with me, but would always be happy for someone to say, no, he’s not coming in. I would always check in advance and wouldn’t have turned up with him to someone who had previously said no.

Tied up on a long line outside (although not so long he can destroy your lawn). Eeedog would have been outraged (he thought he was human) but I would have done it (or not taken him in the first place).

blueskyinmarch · 15/04/2018 08:48

Even if she does bring her dog it will be fine left in the car for a short period if it is in the shade and the windows are down a bit. She will be able to check on it regularly.

Cobblersandhogwash · 15/04/2018 09:07

It's certainly not unwelcoming to not want pets in your home. You are allowed to have your own preferences.

I doubt your friend will bring her dog.

NathusiusPip · 15/04/2018 09:10

A friend calling in to see you as she's passing is a 'small favour' on your part? What an odd attitude!

Original poster

Springnowplease · 15/04/2018 09:12

Thanks for the reassurances. It seems almost unanimous.

I'll give her a ring later just to be sure.

OP posts:

smurfit · 15/04/2018 09:50

Is there space outside to tie him up?

As a general rule, if someone has told me once that they don't want my dog at their house, it becomes permanent and I wouldn't dream of taking my dog their without express permission. If she turns up with the dog, she's a cheeky fucker.

Shednik · 15/04/2018 09:50

It's not really a favour to allow your friend to come for lunch I'd see it the other way round, that she's going out of her way to visit you. If she just wanted a break in her journey she'd go to a service station. But she's coming to see you.

Cakeycakecake · 15/04/2018 09:59

I wouldn’t allow someone’s dogs in my house- not since my friends dog trod in fox poo all over my lounge- sofas and new rug included. There were fox shit paw marks up the walls, it was horrendous. Added to the fact that she thought it was hilarious and didn’t even attempt to clean up so I had to put my newborn elsewhere so dog couldn’t get to him.
Since then there’s been a blanket ban on other people’s furry pals visiting. I have a cat now, which is a good preventative!

Mydoghatesthebath · 15/04/2018 10:07

Cakey

She thought it was hilarious? Jesus wierd woman. My dog is a member of the family but if she’s not welcome I wouldn’t take her. I can just see her face at being tied up in some random garden. Princess would be horrified

Ring your friend to check

JiminyBillyBob · 15/04/2018 10:10

Sounds rather odd and formal given that you’re good friends.

Original poster

Springnowplease · 15/04/2018 10:37

I know how touchy people can be about their dogs, which is why I asked for advice. Some dog owners don't seem to understand that there are people who don't like them much.

I phoned her for an ETA as an excuse to mention the hairy beast and she said he's staying home with her DH.

Thanks, all.

OP posts:

Polkadot1974 · 15/04/2018 10:41

It’s totally fair enough
Dog “parents” can be very precious but allergies/ smell are a personal issue and if you don’t like it then you don’t like it. Awkward though if you like her

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