To feel like cancelling my birthday meal?

[salsmum]

Ok so I have 3 longtime friends and we get together for birthdays, Christmas and occasional liquid lunches etc..because of work commitments we can usually arrange a meet up when we're all free but does take some planning..usually the persons birthday it is arranges where we go. It's my birthday very soon and I was notified that 2 of my friends weren't interested in a ticketed pub show with entertainment on Saturday but were happy to come to a pub lunch on my actual birthday, the other friend would be away on that Saturday and also my birthday day, but could make the day after ..fast forward I said ok instead of going to the usual pubs for a meal we'd go to a restaurant (same price but buffet type) on a day to suit about 15 mins drive from usual local pubs (husband usually drives friends as their husband retired and is free) then 2 outta the 3 are now saying, not interested in your choice of restaurant but we don't mind going to usual dingy but local pubs local pubs (they then name the usual pubs they don't mind going to.AIBU to feel like calling the whole thing off? I always respect where they want to go on their birthdays, or can anyone offer advice on what to say to them.

Yep, I would find that annoying.

It’s your birthday you say “I’m planning to go to X at Y time”. surely the answer is either yes or no?

It’s rude to try to rearrange someone else’s birthday.

Thank you I just feel like I'm trying to fit around and please everyone but myself.

Your birthday, your choice. Don't cancel, but they don't have to come. Enjoy yourself and HBD.

Say “hey guys, normally I’d be happy to go to the local pub but it’s my birthday so this time I’d like to do something a bit more special. Is that okay?”

With any luck this will remind them that you’ve done what they wanted on their birthdays.

I find a lot of people really hate buffet style places. But yeah, I would probably strop over this. The level of strop would depend on how much I wanted to keep the friends. To be honest friends are hard to keep so I would probably just whine and then get over it.

I'd try to find somewhere that suits everyone. I wouldn't go to a buffet restaurant (notoriously unhygienic). Have you given them some other options?

Also I would hate to go to a ticketed pub show so would decline that too.
If you've always gone to a pub/restaurant for a meal I'd try to find a nice pub with a range of food options. Unless you're paying for everyone it's not an 'invite' but more a 'let's get together and have a meal to celebrate my birthday'

Buffet restaurants are grim, can't you pick a nice pub that does food?

I wouldn't go to a buffet restaurant either, birthday or no birthday, sorry.

If maybe abandon the buffet if people have strong aversions to it but pick somewhere not on their list and if they are still unwilling to go off their list, then yes cancel.

It’s your birthday so your choice; very cheeky of them

YANBU and your friends are rude. In the circumstances you have described, they should be fitting in with you.

Your friends are being rude and selfish. If it's your birthday you decide what you are arranging and when. Even if they are "not interested" in it, a good friend makes the effort to attend anyway to help you celebrate your birthday.

Your friends are being rude and selfish. If it's your birthday you decide what you are arranging and when. Even if they are "not interested" in a venue or event, a good friend makes the effort to attend anyway to help you celebrate your birthday.

Its your Birthday! Your friends shouldn't care what 'they' want to do instead, it should be about doing what you want! Totally selfish...

I give up on Birthdays, I kind of have the same problem every year...I end up making plans that I don't really want to do but know others will....result - not a good birthday!

This year, OH looking after LO, I'm having a Spa day (He doesn't know yet....)

I'd just go along with what most people wanted. Although f it was up to me to chose a buffet pub would be last choice.

I'm not a huge fan of buffet restaurants but if I was invited to one for someone's birthday or whatever I'd just go. Quite frankly it's rude not to & really fucking rude to try to rearrange it to suit yourself

As long as it wasn't out of my budget (venue or getting there) I would go wherever my friend wanted to for her birthday as long as I was free on that date.

Just explain that you fancy somewhere different as it's a celebration. Maybe suggest a few other ideas that you love too and go from there.

It's your birthday.

This buffet place cooks some food fresh in front of you and the food is always hot and varied it's cosy and the prices are reasonable, I usually do just go to the weatherspoons or usual pubs just to keep the peace but this time I just fancy a change. Had a txt from my friend from childhood saying I won't go to **## (restaurant that I chose) and then she must have contacted another member of group who sent text saying have you decided where you're going for birthday lunch madam? as if I'm asking for the moon.

OP why don't you just say 'It's 'here' at 'whatever o'clock' ladies - see you there!' and leave it at that?

Send a group message - "meal at xxxx restaurant at xx time. Let me know by xxx date so I can book a table and if I don't hear from you I'll assume you can't make it. Cheers!" Send. I had this on my birthday - not the place but the time (I wanted to go out for lunch and everyone wanted to make it an evening thing). I sent a message along those lines and got one more message requesting I change the time, to which I replied with a concise "no" and that was it. As you say, I always respect the birthday person's wishes so it is very irritating when others don't.

It’s only a birthday I don’t understand the big fuss of it all unless it’s a big one, it’s very rare I’ve actually been out for my birthday normally a couple of weeks after if we all are free but it’s not an annual thing.