Namechanged as v outing...
I love my job. It's exactly what I want to do, is interesting, does 'good' work and is very varied. Ive been in the role for about a year.
On the other hand, Im an LP with no family and friends support network (have good childcare though), and although Im contracted for 4 days per week, I easily put in an extra 20-25 hours a week when DD is in bed at night. If I didn't, the job wouldn't get done and my team, the people we work with in the community, and our business would lose out.
The 4 days p/w though is v important to me. It gives me a day with DD, I'm paid pro rata so no loss to business, and I don't want to put DD in childcare, 9 hours a day, 5 days a week - in my soul this one day, is something of a balm for the other 4 days. I miss her every day. The one day is very important to me.
In terms of my DD.... .There has been some flexibility given from my employer, when DD has been unwell etc. and I've been allowed to WFH, make up the time - and for about 4 months there was admittedly rather a lot of this, as DD was very poorly. This hasn't impacted on business, no deadlines were missed, and nothing 'slipped' irretrievably. The only inconvenience to my employer was that rather than a daily face to face meeting, it was done on the phone or Skype .
I've been grateful, and done everything I can to minimise disruption, including paying for DD's DF's (expensive) flight from his home country, to come and stay for a week so I could go into work when DD had chickenpox (he's a writer so can work anywhere).
My employer expects a LOT of all of their staff. The entire workforce is demoralised and there is high staff turnover, because the job is so demanding - and needlessly so.
It is only this hard because we are overstretched and understaffed, and the MD who is extremely hands on in every aspect of the business, is similarly stretched - and as they sign off on everyyyyyy element of our work, there is always a backlog. There is a very last minute culture, which I've worked to change, but when it comes from the top.... it's hard to do so.
Im far from workshy. I used to work in advertising at a big agency in NY and know hard work, but this is beyond anything I've known in any previous job.
I feel like over the last 12 months, my parenting has been less .... wholehearted? Energised? Because I'm so bloody knackered from work.I adore DD. She's my sun, moon and stars, and everything I'm doing, I'm doing to make her proud one day. To give her the life she deserves, with nice things and a full fridge and no money worries (I grew up I abject poverty, in a volatile household).
The house is untidy because I'm too busy to clean properly. I look like shit. On weekends, DD spends too much time drawing while I flake on the sofa, because I'm exhausted. She's sick of me being so boring, I can tell. And she's only 2.5.
The final straw came t his week, after Ive put in pretty much 60 hour weeks every week since January. I've also just got over a vile sinus infection that saw my nose bleed profusely several times a day. I didn't miss a single day's work. I've WFH 3 days since Christmas - 2 for snow, 1 for DD tail end of Norovirus. and yes, I managed to put in 10 hours each day, working around DD's naps/ Night Garden viewing and at night.
I asked for time off (2.5hours, which I would take as holiday) for a biopsy next week, (a friend had offered to have DD for a previously arranged appointment that fell on my day off, but reneged on it last minute, so had to rearrange, and had to take what I was given. I can't put it off any longer.)
I honestly never thought that the response would be 'I think it would be better if you moved your day off, so that your medical appointment was on that day, and you didn't have to take it out of work hours. You know, better for you.'
They know it wouldn't be better for me.
My employer knows that I have no support network and rely on a childminder- and I had explained that having DD at the appointment wasn't a good idea (far too young to sit quietly in a corner while mummy has bits chopped off her), and that the childminder has no capacity to change the day at such short notice.
They were saying that they disapproved of me taking the time. (I'd be taking a lot more if I was undergoing radiotherapy because I missed a cancer, because I didn't go to this appt)....
AIBU, given how much unpaid overtime I put in, to have asked to take leave for a biopsy?
And AIBU to say that this is the final straw - time to look for a new job - I could easily find something with less responsibility, less hours, no overtime and the same money, even if I don't LOVE the work - that at least leaves me with some energy for my DD, where my employer actually values their employees health and lives outside the office?
I can't tell anymore. I've lost all sight of 'normal' work practices.