To leave my home for love

[Indecision13]

this is my first time posting so please be gentle.

I’ve been with my BF for 2.5 years. As these things go, I was single for a while, saved enough to by myself a flat in West London and lo and behold I meet someone i fall in love with a month later. The problem is he leaves in south east London and has to because he drives to work. He does a very niche manufacturing job and very high in career so this is feasibly the only place he can work. Meanwhile, I work in finance and work in central London and realistically always will due to the most banks being based in the city.

We are now looking to move in together and after having saved to buy my flat, and discussing it with my OH, we’ve decided to rent somewhere in east London that is easy for both of us to commute. My family and friends think I’m bonkers/stupid for deciding to rent my flat out with all my stuff in to move again and pay rent again with my bf. They think he should just make the sacrifice of the 2 hour commute and move in with me because it makes financial sense.

AIBU or stupid to make the sacrifice? Yes it will be more costly for me but what’s the point of moving in if I never see him. It’s something I was really excited about and now I feel like a silly little girl giving up her security for a boy.

Your keeping your flat but renting it out? I think that’s sensible as a 2 hour commute for him would be tricky and you may need a back up option.

Yes, not selling the flat, just renting it out to cover the mortgage and should break even.

Sounds like a good compromise to make the relationship feasible. There’s a difference between being sensible and being selfish. Pressuring him to move in with you and do a long commute unnecessarily would be selfish in my mind. If it’s all going really well in a couple of years you might sell your flat and buy together.

Sounds fine to me, two hour commute is not sustainable. Your friends advice sounds narrow, it’s ok to live a little, and who knows it might work out brilliantly.

It’s a good idea, better to move into mutual ground and see how you cohabit. Your security is your flat!

I did a 2 hr commute for some years in London and it was doable. An hour of it was on a train and I was able to read or snooze which helped.

Sounds sensible. If it doesn't work out, you still have your home. If it does, it's either A. a nest egg or B. a deposit for a family home.

Sounds sensible to me. If you stay together long term then you’ll probably buy a place together and mutually agree on where that is. Clearly you shouldn’t commit to that or sell yoUr flat till you get to that point. So this is a sensible trial run.... also gives you the chance to figure out where you like in E/SE London... which is important too. That’s what I did when I moved in with (now) DH.... well I was a SE Londoner and moved (gasp) North of the river and needed time to adjust!

If only everyone was as sensible as this.

Your idea sounds the sensible option. Only thing I would suggest is to get some advice about tenancies before you let your flat, if you haven't already done so, because if things don't work out with your bf you will want to be able to move back in to your own flat with minimum delay. If things go well and you want to sell your property again you will want the tenant out asap.

I think renting out your flat is a fantastic idea. Hopefully, everything will be wonderful with your partner and you'll be together forever. But if your relationship changes and you need to end it, you have the security of having a home to go back to.